Chapter 200: It’s as If Su Li Never Existed

Chi Qingya remembered the day she first met Su Li.

The ceiling fan in the empty classroom creaked as it spun, and Su Li curled up in the first row by the window, the tip of her draft pencil whispering across the draft paper.

The sleeves of her washed-out clothes had slipped to her elbows, her startlingly thin wrists suspended in mid-air, the pencil’s shadow and the bluish veins of her skin overlapping.

When the hallway erupted with laughter and play, her pencil paused for only half a second.

As the last ray of sunset brushed past her fingertips, the whole floor was deserted.

And Su Li, like a homeless person, sat quietly in her seat.

It was as if this empty classroom was Su Li’s only refuge.

Now, though it wasn’t after-school time in the afternoon, the whole floor was just as empty.

Chi Qingya even felt as if she had dreamed it all, that Su Li had never really appeared in her life.

That she was only something conjured up because she couldn’t bear her past life any longer.

Otherwise, why did Su Li disappear not long after she made new friends?

And it wasn’t even that Su Li left on her own.

It was she who drove Su Li away!

When she needed Su Li, Su Li appeared by her side.

But when she no longer needed Su Li, Su Li vanished from her life.

Even…

Except for her girlfriends, no one ever mentioned Su Li.

Su Li was as if she had never existed at all.

Chi Qingya felt a bitter taste in her heart.

She recalled the bits and pieces she shared with Su Li.

Whenever she asked Su Li to do something, Su Li would obediently do whatever she was told.

If she complained about Su Li’s cooking, Su Li would adjust it to suit her taste.

But when she no longer needed Su Li, Su Li disappeared from her life.

Su Li was just like the friend she had imagined…

And the moment she truly made friends, Su Li was gone.

Chi Qingya blinked, feeling an oppressive tightness in her chest, her throat clogged as if stuffed with cotton, an unbearable suffocating sensation.

The sound of chairs dragging along the hallway reached her ears.

She turned her head abruptly, but all she saw was her own shadow, crooked in the chalk tray.

Chalk dust drifted down onto her tightly clenched fist.

Only then did she notice her palm had been marked with four crescent-shaped red indentations from her nails.

She hurriedly took out her cell phone and glanced at the interface where she had sent the friend request.

Her friend request to add Su Li was still pending…

But…

Was this person really Su Li?

If it was Su Li, why hadn’t she accepted her friend request yet?

Chi Qingya buried her whole face in her arms, the fabric quickly growing damp beneath her sleeves.

The sun roasted the back of her neck, but her chest felt as if it were stuffed with cotton soaked in ice water, heavy and sinking.

She didn’t know how much time had passed before she finally let out a long breath.

If she didn’t go eat soon, there might not be any food left.

She slowly stood up and walked toward the dining hall.

When she left the classroom, Chi Qingya stood at the doorway, slowly closing the door.

Through the crack, she looked back into the room, but still didn’t see Su Li’s figure.

She sighed softly, finally turning and walking away.

Without realizing it, Chi Qingya found herself inside the dining hall.

She felt a little dazed.

It seemed she hadn’t seen Su Li come to the dining hall in a long time.

The last time she prepared boiled fish for Su Li, the two of them had come to the dining hall together.

But had Su Li really been there?

In the end, it was she herself who ate the boiled fish.

And before that?

She had taken away the portion of boiled fish that belonged to Su Li.

If Su Li really existed, then that day, there definitely wouldn’t have been a payment record in her name.

But what if she hadn’t even come to the dining hall that day?

Clearly, she was supposed to be better now.

But Chi Qingya only felt that her illness had become even more severe.

Otherwise, why would she start to believe Su Li wasn’t even real?

When Su Li was obviously real.

The memories of preparing food for Su Li, and snatching away Su Li’s boiled fish, weren’t even that long ago—yet they felt like a lifetime away.

Her gaze swept across the crowd in the dining hall, hoping to spot Su Li.

Su Li was only late, not absent from school.

Maybe…

She was in the dining hall eating right now?

Her eyes searched among the throng, but no matter how she looked, she couldn’t find Su Li.

Chi Qingya felt a little sad.

Still, she tried to comfort herself: maybe Su Li was eating in another dining hall.

Suddenly, she craved boiled fish…

Chi Qingya silently ordered a portion of boiled fish.

The boiled fish in this dining hall was terribly expensive.

One meal’s worth could have fed her for two or three days.

If it were the old her, she would never have bought such a pricey dish.

But today, she just wanted to eat it.

When Chi Qingya, holding her tray, looked for a seat, she realized that the vast dining hall, just like this morning’s classroom, had no place for her.

There was no room for her in the entire dining hall.

Holding her tray, she wandered about, waiting for other students to finish eating.

But she had barely taken a few steps when she spotted some familiar faces at a table.

Steam from the dining hall windows blurred her vision. Her fingers gripping the stainless steel tray turned white.

Caixiangxiang’s signature purple highlights swayed among the crowd, as she leaned in to share milk tea with a girl from the neighboring class, the glossy nail polish on her lips shining and her smile lifted high.

Chi Qingya’s throat tightened suddenly. As she turned, the edge of her tray banged loudly against the disinfection cabinet.

Almost running, she darted behind a pillar in the corner, her back pressed against the cold tile.

The broth from the boiled fish dripped down the edge of the tray onto her hand, but she didn’t even have time to notice the pain.

A burst of laughter erupted from that table. She heard Caixiangxiang imitating a teacher’s scolding voice, sending the girls around her into fits of laughter.

The seat that used to belong to her was now taken by a stranger in a crop top, poking at Caixiangxiang’s cell phone with fingernails studded in rhinestones.

Chi Qingya lowered her head to look at the lone boiled fish on her tray.

She edged along the wall toward the exit, the invisible gazes from behind making the back of her neck prickle with heat.

Clearly, she hadn’t done anything wrong, yet now she felt like a thief fleeing in a panic.

Maybe it was because they thought she wouldn’t be coming anymore?

Chi Qingya felt a sour ache in her nose. Even her hands holding the tray started to tremble.

She had thought that, after making friends, she had finally become so much more confident.

But why?

Why had it still come to this?

Chi Qingya couldn’t understand, no matter how hard she tried.

She felt a sting in her nose and a sadness in her heart.

Tears slid down her cheeks, unknowingly dripping onto her boiled fish.