Chapter 138: Discharged!

(1)

“Vice Dean Wang, take a look. Do you think he really has a mental illness?”

“Let me see.”

“Hello.”

“…Relax, sir. What’s your name?”

“Zhao Lao’er.”

“Do you think you are sick?”

‘I think I am.’

“He’s not sick.”

The balding Vice Dean of the Psychiatric Hospital turned to the middle-aged Police Officer.

“What a pity.”

The Police Officer patted Zhao Lao’er on the back.

“Kid, you’ll be spending the night in the Detention Center today.”

“Damn.”

Zhao Lao’er cursed.

“It’s still more comfortable in the Ward.”

“Can you try causing less trouble? Getting drunk first thing in the morning? Throwing a fit for nothing. Every day I’m dealing with messes caused by people like you!”

“If only you’d do something proper, there wouldn’t be so many people like me ending up in the Police Station.”

“It’s exactly because of scoundrels like you that I have to deal with crap like this every damn day!”

“Officer, mind your language.”

“Shut the hell up!”

Vice Dean Wang smiled at the middle-aged Police Officer.

“Officer Chen, seems your mental state is a bit off. Why don’t you stay at our hospital for a couple of days?”

“How did you know I’ve been having headaches lately?”

“All our patients here have headaches.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well at night, either.”

“That’s nothing. My patients here sleep quite soundly at night.”

“Officer, maybe you should stay for two days to treat your insomnia?”

“I’m not damn sick!”

“Every patient who doesn’t want to be admitted says that.”

Vice Dean Wang smiled seriously—he seemed to have entered work mode.

“Alright, alright! Kid, back to the Detention Center with you!”

“No, Officer Chen, your psychological problems really are quite serious. I think you should get some counseling.”

“How would you counsel me?”

“First, tell me—do you think you’re sick?”

“…Me, so…sick?”

“Then you need to be admitted even more!”

“Vice Dean Wang.”

Officer Chen changed the topic, glancing out the window.

“Looks like one of your patients has run out of the room. Someone downstairs is chasing him. Need our help?”

“Where?”

“There, look. You see? Look for yourself.”

“Where?”

Zhao Lao’er poked his head out too.

“None of your damn business!”

“I think I could handle being a Principal, and if it’s a Psychiatric Hospital, I could even be the Dean!”

Down below, the patient running tripped over a stone and fell, a group of people rushed to restrain him, while Vice Dean Wang opened the window and shouted, “Bring him to my office—!”

***

(2)

It was a man in a blue and white patient gown.

He was slightly above average height, his gaze was calm, not at all like a madman.

Zhao Lao’er glanced at Officer Chen, then at the patient, then back at Officer Chen…

“What the hell are you looking at?”

“Officer, he looks more like a Police Officer than you!”

“Zhao Lao’er, you think I can’t lock you up in the Police Station for ten days or half a month, is that it?”

Zhao Lao’er shut his mouth and quietly looked at Vice Dean Wang, who inexplicably nodded at him.

“My friend,” Vice Dean Wang asked gently, with a smile that made you feel like you were already a psychiatric patient, “what’s your name?”

“Lu Ye.”

“When did you come in?”

“This morning.”

“Why did you come in?”

“When I woke up, I was already in the Ward.”

“You mean, you had a dream, don’t remember anything about it, and after waking up, you found yourself in the Ward, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“Did you perhaps have an episode in your sleep?”

“No.”

The Department Director next to him answered for him.

“Vice Dean Wang, he checked himself in this morning, claiming he had a mental illness. But when he woke up just now, he said he didn’t.”

“Is your hospital’s admission procedure really that simple? Is it even proper?”

Officer Chen couldn’t help asking.

“Completely legal and compliant.”

Vice Dean Wang pinched two fingers together, as if making a point.

Officer Chen pretended not to see, turning his head away.

“So, you now think you’re not sick and want to leave the hospital, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“This is split personality, we’ve seen it plenty of times.”

Vice Dean Wang kept smiling—Officer Chen didn’t want to look anymore, feeling like that smile was aimed at him.

“Hold on, I think I can solve your puzzle. You really can’t remember how you got here this morning? Your body belongs to you, it couldn’t have moved on its own, right?”

Zhao Lao’er cleared his throat and sat up straight.

“So, you have to know why you came to the Psychiatric Hospital to prove you aren’t mentally ill, right?”

“Zhao Lao’er, is it your turn to talk?”

Officer Chen fumbled for the cigarette pack in his shirt pocket, only to find it already in Zhao Lao’er’s hands.

Despite being handcuffed, Zhao Lao’er was nimble and even managed to get a light from Vice Dean Wang while holding a cigarette between his teeth.

Vice Dean Wang was quite courteous, even shielding Zhao Lao’er from the wind to help him light it.

Zhao Lao’er took a deep drag, then looked over at Lu Ye.

“I think you actually remember everything. You just don’t want to think about it!”

Officer Chen looked suspicious, but this time didn’t interrupt—he was actually curious to see what nonsense Zhao Lao’er would spout.

“It must be that, this morning, you were trying to escape something! So you came here. In psychology, this is called Freud Theory. Freud Theory, well, you probably don’t know what that means. It means this is a Bridge Effect. The Bridge Effect, well, it’s a SARS Virus. SARS Virus, it’s actually a Trojan Virus. Panda Burning Incense—you’ve heard of that? Panda Burning Incense is an Oedipus Complex. So, what this means is, you must have realized you liked your mother and didn’t want to face reality, so you came here to escape. Actually, you’re not sick at all!”

“I’ll ask you one more time, Lu Ye, are you sick?”

“I have hemorrhoids.”

“See, I told you he’s not sick!”

Zhao Lao’er looked proudly at those around him—Vice Dean Wang nodded thoughtfully, making even Officer Chen, who’d wanted to scold him, hold his tongue.

There are always some gifted people who end up a little crazy, maybe Zhao Lao’er was once a researcher in the field of mental illness…

Officer Chen kept a straight face, but nodded as well.

“One last question, Lu Ye.”

Zhao Lao’er cocked his head back confidently, flicking ash with his mouth.

“Suppose there’s a teacher who makes all her students get buzz cuts—even the girls. Don’t you think she’s killing off the delicate flowers, our future, the future of the world!?”

“Yeah.”

“Discharged!!”

Vice Dean Wang nodded, got up from his chair, and said to Zhao Lao’er with a smile, “You’re welcome to stay too.”

T000

It took Officer Chen a good half minute to realize that “together” probably didn’t include him.

***

(3)

Although no one was injured, having an outside hooligan come in and stir up trouble, especially making a big scene, meant the Class Advisor was still called to the Principal’s office.

When she came back, she didn’t mention the haircut issue again—the whole morning’s farce seemed like it had never happened.

“Whew.”

By noon, An Jing slumped by the window, letting out a long sigh. “Looks like it’s over…”

“Xiao~Jing! Hmph, acting all tough, but in reality you’re worried your hair would be cut so short, right?”

“Tch, what am I afraid of? Didn’t I always have a buzz cut when I was a boy?”

“Really~? Not afraid at all now? Then after school, want to get a haircut? In case the Class Advisor tries again tomorrow~”

“Ahem! Let’s talk about tomorrow’s problems tomorrow!”

“Hehe~”

Zhu Ying giggled and ruffled An Jing’s hair.

“But Xiao Jing is still cutest like this!”

“You almost lost your hair.”

Zhou Chao patted her shoulder.

“Honestly, I didn’t think you’d get out of that one.”

“Me neither… At the time, I thought unless the Class Advisor dropped dead on the spot, there was no way out of it.”

An Jing breathed out.

“Hope it’s not like this every day…”

“You never know. As long as her husband’s still fighting for a divorce, she’s probably never going to be in a good mood…”

The three were joking around when suddenly, several startled cries rang out from the hallway.

Next came the heavy sound of something large hitting the ground from a height.

“Holy crap, what was that?”

Zhou Chao spun around, and in that instant, he got goosebumps, like he sensed something.

A moment later, the students’ shouts echoed outside, chaotic and panicked: “Someone jumped!!”

“Huh?”

An Jing, Zhou Chao, and Zhu Ying exchanged glances, then rushed out of the classroom with the flood of students pouring into the hallway.

A blurry figure lay in a pool of blood below, seemingly wearing the school uniform of a first-year student.

Then, the sound of hurried footsteps came from the stairwell—Sun Wei darted up, out of breath.

“Damn!”

“What’s up, Awei? Do you know who jumped?”

“It’s the Class Advisor’s son!”

“What? Wasn’t everything fine this morning…?”

“I don’t know! I was downstairs buying drinks, then something suddenly dropped down! Shit, it scared the crap out of me. If I’d walked a little faster, it might’ve landed on me!”

Amid the clamor, a flurry of messages began circulating, but everything was so mixed up, no one could make sense of it.

But roughly, it was said that during lunch, the Class Advisor had dragged her son into the office for a scolding, then made him stand in the hallway as punishment.

After that, he jumped straight from the upper floor, so fast that even those nearby couldn’t stop him.

Next, that barrel-shaped figure appeared downstairs, confirming the possibility of the rumor.

She stood on the ground, body seemingly frozen, no reaction for several long minutes.

Then, her sharp, piercing scream echoed through the whole school building.

“What’s she saying?”

An Jing couldn’t quite make it out.

“Seems like… ‘Can’t handle even a bit of pressure…such a useless person’?”

Zhou Chao scratched his head.

Sun Wei corrected him: “She said her son is useless.”

From downstairs, her voice came a little clearer: “Just like your dad! Even more useless than your dad!”