Chapter 11: Phrases Trending Among Elementary School Students

The night was still dark, with no sign of dawn.

For some reason, I woke up.

“Yawn…”

I rubbed my eyes and thought about lying back down.

Srrk.

Carefully, I got up and headed to the living room.

Then, I sat on the sofa and pulled Dolly out of my bag.

Crk.

When I wound it up, the little dolphin figurine, Dolly, would move its tail.

Maybe because it was my first toy, or because I felt a kindred connection to it…

Looking at Dolly somehow put me at ease.

Spacing out like that helped me process more complex thoughts.

Who am I?

Have I become like Dolly, a wind-up toy?

Am I only able to speak and act as this body commands me to?

While repeatedly winding up Dolly, I tried to organize my thoughts.

“That’s not true. I’m clearly thinking with my original personality.”

I think about politics.

I think about the safety of my comrades.

And most importantly, I think about ‘gukbap’ and ‘jeyuk.’

Because of this, I could be certain that my identity hadn’t been completely erased.

“But the problem is, I can’t seem to voice my thoughts. I can’t say, ‘I want to eat gukbap.'”

My mouth wouldn’t move according to my will.

Even though I could think about eating gukbap or jeyuk, I’d find myself choosing burgers or pizza instead.

And when I did eat those, they tasted unbelievably good.

It was clear that this body prioritized the desires of the young Kang Jiwoo over my own.

“But that doesn’t mean I’m just a passive bystander.”

This is where it gets important.

I can move this body.

I can control its words and actions.

Though I sometimes lose control due to impulses or a “child filter,” I have enough authority to say I’m the owner of this body.

I decided to test it right away by opening the fridge.

“Herchooping Milk…”

It was a drink I’d picked up at the convenience store earlier.

Now that I thought about it, maybe I woke up because I hadn’t drunk it in my dream?

Well, in any case.

I poured Herchooping Milk and a glass of water, setting them on the table.

“I’m thirsty.”

I was thirsty.

I needed to drink something.

There were two options:

1. Herchooping Milk.

2. Water.

Even if I thought, “Drink the water,” my hand had already grabbed the Herchooping Milk and started gulping it down.

“Ahh~”

It was cool and tasted great!

My craving for Herchooping Milk was now satisfied.

From here, things were different.

“Drink the water.”

I put down the Herchooping Milk and drank the water.

I could now drink the water by my own will.

Why?

Because earlier, I was desperate to drink the Herchooping Milk, but now that desire was gone.

In other words, once the “child’s impulses” passed, I could finally gain decision-making authority over my actions.

“But it’s still hard to proactively say or do something. Especially if it’s against my true feelings.”

Let me give another example.

I could thank party members as much as I wanted to, out of my own will.

Even if it came out in a cringy way like, “I love you, Party-ping~,” I could still express my intentions voluntarily.

But it was a different story when it came to other presidential candidates on TV.

When looking at Cho Seyoung, the candidate from the New Breeze Democratic Party, I could never say, “Seyoung ping! I’ll let you be president!”

Because I didn’t want to yield to her.

And when looking at Yoo Hangseol, the candidate from the People’s Republican Party, I could never say, “Hangseol ping! You’re handsome!”

Because he wasn’t handsome.

“I can’t say anything that’s not genuine.”

I can only speak words that are true to my feelings.

This seems to include both my original self and the child’s perspective.

“Sigh…”

I felt frustrated.

Even if I understood the situation, there wasn’t a clear solution.

TS Syndrome was such a rare condition, with symptoms that varied from person to person, that there wasn’t a defined treatment or management method.

So, I had no choice but to experiment and try things myself.

To clear my head, I picked up my smartphone.

The party members seemed to have been exchanging messages late into the night.

Song Yeon Secretary: Anyone else can’t sleep?

Song Yeon Secretary: Read this, haha.

Song Yeon Secretary: (Community post link)

I don’t usually browse community forums.

I never did before, either.

I always felt like I’d end up hearing biased opinions no matter which one I visited.

But the title was too tempting.

Title: If Kang Jiwoo becomes president, the country is screwed.

These days, Kang Jiwoo’s approval rating has risen to 15%.

I ran a simulation to wake you all up.

First, national defense.

There’s no way it would function properly.

National defense usually follows the party’s policy, but her party’s name screams “no foundation.”

They’d probably go into mindless defense budget cuts.

Then neighboring countries would see us as an easy target and invade.

But at that moment, Jiwoo ping would say, “Scarychu!”

And they’d find her so cute they wouldn’t invade.

We’d just become an invincible country.

Next, the economy.

What would Jiwoo ping know about economics?

“No moneychu? Then let’s make Chairman ping spread money chu!”

And bam, hyperinflation hits, prices rise by 20,000%, and the country essentially collapses.

But don’t worry.

They can just make presidential merchandise and export it to Japan.

In line with being a crazy Moe nation, the entire country would become a fandom.

Foreign currency would flow in endlessly, and the economy would stabilize immediately.

If Jiwoo ping becomes president, the country is truly screwed.

It will literally become a “screwed strong nation.”

Remember this. The upcoming election is candidate number 5.

Likes: 3,571

Dislikes: 125

It was just a humor post.

It wasn’t particularly funny, but,

“Heheheh.”

That wasn’t me laughing. It was an elementary school kid.

I stood by the living room window with my glass in hand.

The faintly twinkling lights of the dark city night stretched out before me.

What if I became president in this state, just as I am?

The odds of chaos would be high.

Torn apart by attacks from both sides, the administration would crumble and fracture.

I’d become a mere figurehead president, and our government might turn into a lame duck within two months.

Solving everything with cuteness?

That’s just a joke.

Even if I were my original self, being president would still be challenging.

In this state, it would be even worse.

Of course, this is just wishful thinking.

I’m only the third-place candidate, after all.

But I didn’t want to settle for third.

My goal was to win.

Naturally, that meant planning for what to do after winning.

‘I need to be able to communicate my political ideas to others. The key is to make myself capable of political discourse.’

I could harbor thoughts, but my body refused to speak them.

Then I’d have to persuade my body.

I’d need to teach young Jiwoo to genuinely understand and empathize with my political philosophy.

If she started to truly grasp my political ideals, she’d naturally begin to speak and act without me having to try so hard.

‘But how? She dozes off as soon as she opens a book and barely absorbs even elementary-level knowledge.’

It was impossible to do alone.

A deep night of contemplation.

Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window.

A soft face, completely slack.

Such a serious expression.

It was funny how her little face was all scrunched up in concern.

Seeing that face made me mutter without thinking.

“Don’t worry, Jiwooping… you can do it with practice…”

It was just another impulsive remark.

My worries and concerns about the future had manifested as a muttered soliloquy.

Even though I knew that, I felt as if the little kid in the reflection was somehow comforting me.

Clink.

I habitually swirled the drink in my glass, savoring its scent.

It was a night desperate for a cheap whiskey.

Instead, I soothed my troubled heart with Heochooping Milk.

Han Seoyoung felt a chill run through her whole body from the morning.

“Candidate…?”

Kang Jiwoo, who had fallen asleep with her on the blanket spread out on the floor, was nowhere to be seen.

Startled, she jumped to her feet and went to the living room.

She finally let out a relieved sigh.

“Why are you sleeping in the living room…?”

Kang Jiwoo was sprawled out in the middle of the living room, sleeping confidently.

Her short arms and legs were stretched out in all directions.

The table was littered with an empty glass and a bottle of Heochooping Milk.

She looked exactly like someone who had spent the night drinking alone and fallen asleep there.

“Being cute is the best. Every moment is new.”

Click.

Han Seoyoung took a picture and woke Kang Jiwoo up.

“Candidate, wake up. We have to practice hard.”

“Mmm, yeah, I’m a genius… yawn…”

Today was the day for filming promotional shorts.

Rubbing her eyes, Kang Jiwoo got up.

For a while, the chirping sound of birds filled the house.

Bong Soohui’s original plan was to rent a studio.

With a prepared set, high-end lighting, and suitable props, she wanted to capture Kang Jiwoo’s cuteness to the fullest.

But she couldn’t spend money.

“Gu Dooseok, or is it Gu Stingy? That guy said he couldn’t approve the funds.”

“Looks like the budget is really tight. If the head of the department says so, we have no choice.”

Gu Dooseok, the head of the Planning and Finance Department.

Without his approval, additional expenses were impossible.

Because of the strict audit process later, even using personal funds wasn’t an option.

“Should we just do it here?”

Fortunately, the director of photography was Bong Soohee.

With her innate sense, she managed to spruce up a corner of the office into something visually acceptable.

“Hm… It’s a bit lacking, but it can’t be helped.”

The shoot officially began.

To be honest, the site was a bit chaotic.

Since it was in the office, employees were still working, and people were constantly walking back and forth.

Thankfully, the shoot was simple.

“The cast includes Han Seoyoung, Kang Jiwoo… and we need one more person. But there’s no one with the right look.”

Director Bong Soohee started casting on the spot.

Most people were too shy and didn’t want to be filmed, but there were occasional volunteers.

“I’ll give it a try!”

“Rejected.”

“Why?”

“Your facial style doesn’t match.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m ugly, does it…?”

The appearance of the cast mattered.

It wasn’t simply a matter of being good looking or not.

“It’s not a face fit for broadcast.”

A broadcast-friendly face.

It had to be one that didn’t feel out of place on camera.

A standardized uniqueness was needed, not an overly unorthodox individuality.

“Looking for a handsome person? Then why didn’t you call me sooner!”

Assemblyman Park Seokji stepped forward.

“Uh, assemblyman… not you.”

“What’s wrong with my face?”

“Please, just this once… hold back.”

Han Seoyoung and the party members tried to dissuade him subtly.

To be honest, Park Seokji wasn’t particularly good-looking, and he didn’t get along well with Bong Soohee.

However, Bong Soohee had a different reaction.

“…He’s not bad?”

“Haha, see? Even Director Bong says I’m fine! I’ve often been told I have the look of an old-time movie star!”

‘Not handsome, but approachable.’

Park Seokji, a four-term assemblyman.

He wasn’t good-looking, but he had an affable charm.

With the cast decided—Han Seoyoung, Park Seokji, and Kang Jiwoo—the filming progressed smoothly.

Since the content was simple, there wasn’t much preparation needed.

Even the editing was done on the spot.

The video was immediately uploaded to a new account.

[Only 1% of people worldwide can do this!]

[Can you accurately pronounce the following sentence in under 5 seconds?]

[Challenge Sentence: We aim for policy consistency and sustainability, striving for systematic institutional improvements to enhance public welfare. This was Adam from Future Ginkgo Korea.]

The video featured party members taking turns attempting the 5-second challenge.

The first person to appear was Han Seoyoung.

The order was intentional.

With her neat appearance, she was universally appealing.

“We aim for policy consistency and sustainability…”

[4.87 seconds, Success!]

Han Seoyoung barely succeeded.

Next up was Assemblyman Park Seokji, whose face was relatively familiar.

“We aim for… policy consistency and sustainability…”

His attempt was so slow it had to be fast-forwarded.

[14.30 seconds, Fail!]

The final participant was the star presidential candidate, Kang Jiwoo.

In reality, the first two were merely a buildup for Kang Jiwoo.

Dressed in sparrow-themed pajamas, Kang Jiwoo exploded with cuteness as soon as she appeared.

She entered with a comically unimpressive jump and a flurry of wing-like motions.

As the main focus of the video, a brief special interview was conducted.

“Candidate Kang Jiwoo, is it true that you practiced hard for this fast-talking challenge?”

“I pwacticed! A lot…!”

“The pronunciation seems quite challenging. Are you confident?”

“Yes! I pwacticed soooo much that I’m now gweat at pwonunciation!”

Her tightly clenched fists gathered at her chest.

Her expression turned serious.

Lips firmly pressed together, eyebrows forming a determined V.

Her face was filled with confidence in herself and anticipation of living up to her title as a prodigy.

“Can Candidate Kang Jiwoo succeed? Ready… go!”

“Jeong-jjak-jjak……!”

[Disqualified due to pronunciation issues!]

The video froze and turned black-and-white.

Subtitles appeared as the video ended.

[If you can say it within 5 seconds, you’re in the top 1% of skilled individuals!]

[Can you do it?]

It was a tongue-twister challenge.

The video was a minute long.

It perfectly captured Kang Jiwoo’s cuteness.

However, unfortunately, there were no comments.

This was because it was categorized as kid’s content, and comments were disabled.

The strange phenomenon began one day, suddenly.

As if through some sort of cosmic telepathy.

As if a higher-dimensional being, beyond human comprehension, had intervened.

From that day on, every elementary school student across the country started muttering the same thing:

“Striving for policy consistency and sustainability……”

“Systematic improvements for the enhancement of citizens’ welfare………….”

“……was the Future Marriage Ginkgo Korea Party! Signed!”

“Oh. Are you a 1% skilled individual? Me too.”

Boom!!

An incomprehensible craze swept through elementary schools.

It was only a bit later that people realized this all started with a kid YouTuber (now a presidential candidate).