Chapter 60: The Presidential Election With An Alien Candidate

The National Republican Party Gallery.

One of the largest conservative communities.

Today, the gallery was unusually noisy.

It was because of the sudden influx of trolls.

Title: “Hey, I heard your gallery is doomed?”

(A photo of Yoo Hangcheol and Republican lawmakers kneeling before Kang Jiwoo.)

“From now on, this is Jiwooping Gallery.”

“Stop messing around with photoshopped pictures.”

“It’s not photoshopped.”

“Then it’s probably AI.”

“This is today’s photo. LOL.”

“No Old Soldier Replies.”

“Watching you desperately deny it is pitiful~”

It wasn’t just the meme capturing attention.

The press, gathered to cover the Republican Party’s public apology, had taken countless high-resolution photos of Jiwooping standing above the party members from various angles.

Soon, articles flooded the media:

“Republicans Kneel Before an Elementary School Candidate… ‘We’re Sorry! Please Give Us One More Chance!'”

“The National Republican Party (Avg. Age: 58.9) Grovels Before a 9-Year-Old Girl Candidate”

“Yoo Hangcheol, Completely Defeated by Jiwooping, Kneels in Submission”

Comments:

“What are those article titles? LOL.”

“The photo is so hilariously perfect. LOL.”

“Lazy journalists, can’t even write properly. Ugh.”

The infamous photo and the accompanying article titles spread like wildfire.

While the photo itself could be dismissed as a comical accident, it carried deeper implications.

Title: “The Articles Are Accurate. Why the Fuss?”

(A graph of candidate approval ratings:

Yoo Hangcheol 15%

Kang Jiwoo 29%)

“Two Hangcheols = One Jiwoo.”

“Rockham got utterly crushed, didn’t they?”

“Journalists finally nailed the headlines, so why the outrage?”

“Got destroyed and now mad at being called out? LOL.”

The photo’s symbolic significance became clear:

“Yoo Hangcheol got obliterated by Kang Jiwoo!”

That one photo perfectly summarized the history of Jiwooping surpassing Yoo Hangcheol in approval ratings.

It spread everywhere.

It was destined to become an iconic image in Korean political history.

But today wasn’t just about the photo.

Title: “Trumpet Highlights K-Politics! What Is Adorable Politics?”

U.S. President Trumpet mentioned Kang Jiwoo.

Kang Jiwoo’s campaign immediately released a response.

Click, click.

Amid intermittent camera flashes, Kang Jiwoo, slightly nervous, read from her script:

“Thank you to President Trumpet for your kind words~”

She bowed at a 90-degree angle.

Click, click, click, click!

The relentless flashes made it seem as though every political journalist in Korea was covering Kang Jiwoo.

Meanwhile, the Republican Party’s apology event…

“Jiwoo’s press conference has started!”

“What? Already? It’s earlier than scheduled!”

“I don’t know! Let’s go check it out!”

“Wait, hold on! There’s still time for Q&A here!”

Journalists left en masse.

With the spotlight gone, the apology event utterly failed.

In truth, Kang Jiwoo’s press conference wasn’t anything special.

She thanked President Trumpet, promised to work hard, and expressed hopes for close cooperation if elected—standard political platitudes.

“I look forward to close cooperation…!”

However, Jiwooping herself was overwhelmingly hot news.

Everything she did became a sensation!

The world couldn’t keep up with her tiny strides.

“Kang Jiwoo, do you have any final words for President Trumpet?”

Kang Jiwoo paused, thinking carefully before responding:

“I… I love you!”

“WAHAHAHAHA!”

That day, Trumpet’s social media posted a single response:

Donald J. Trumpet (U.S. President)

(Video of Kang Jiwoo saying “I love you.”)

(Translated) 

“Greatness with Korea!”

It was the first step in “cute diplomacy.”

It had been a chaotic day.

Being mentioned by Trumpet had already caused enough turmoil.

But Jiwooping had managed to humiliate the Republican Party while playing “The Floor Is Lava.”

Honestly, I thought we were doomed at first.

No matter how young she was, her playful demeanor in front of the cameras seemed too risky…

The response was favorable.

Reactions described it as cute and funny.

Have I reached the point where I’ll get a positive response no matter what I do?

“No, it’s not that I did well; it’s that Yoo Hangcheol did poorly…”

A 15% approval rating is an unthinkable scenario for the Republican Party.

For a major party to drop below 20%, something huge must happen—an incident of massive corruption that shakes the entire nation.

Without something of that magnitude, the “concrete” approval base wouldn’t crack.

Yet Yoo Hang-cheol managed to do it.

Quietly and without warning, he shattered the critical 20% barrier.

“He’s thoroughly earned the voters’ ire.”

Of course, my efforts likely contributed as well.

But if my opponent hadn’t been Yoo Hang-cheol, I wouldn’t have been able to rise this smoothly.

“So this is why they say the presidential race is determined by the heavens.”

The presidential race is unpredictable.

Who could have imagined just a few days ago that Yoo Hangcheol would be eliminated from the race?

It’s moments like these when I must remain cautious and humble.

I resolved to learn from the mistakes of others and be mindful of my conduct.

“No more ‘Avoid the Lava’ for now, Jiwoo Ping!”

Secretary Songyeon approached Han Seoyoung with a troubled expression.

“Director, we’re getting a flood of complaints.”

“Is it because of the minor candidates’ debate?”

“Yes. It seems a lot of people are upset.”

“Hmm… I’ll draft another statement for the SNS account and convey our position again.”

Eavesdropping on their conversation, I gathered that party members were swarming the phones with complaints.

The reason was simple.

Title: Minor Candidate Debate???

Hey, you idiots in the Damn Party.

Why on earth did you go to the minor candidates’ debate???

What benefit did you expect to gain by going there???

You must be completely brain-dead to the point of being coffin-ready.

Jiwoo Ping is gaining support just by breathing, so don’t mess things up and leave it alone!!!

That was the general sentiment.

It wasn’t entirely unreasonable.

The minor candidates’ debate is notoriously chaotic.

Engaging in discussions there could easily backfire on me.

Why?

Because it’s filled with people who freely cross the boundaries of normalcy.

Title: Let’s Learn About the Minor Candidates

[Labor Liberty Innovation Party]

Candidate 1: Kim Mangchi

Key Policy: Withdrawal of U.S. Forces

[Green Women’s Party]

Candidate 11: Han Yeomyung

Key Policy: Appointing women to all ministerial positions

[Only Korea Party]

Candidate 7: Han Bando

Key Policy: Eradicating Communists

(Yes, this is actually written…)

[Hankuk Revolutionary Party]

Candidate 9: Heo Kyunyeon

Key Policy: Levitate the Korean Peninsula

(Yes, this too is real…)

I burst out laughing at “Levitate the Korean Peninsula” LOL.

This lineup is ridiculous.

Talking with them would only hurt my image.

Far-right Ping, Commie Ping, Feminist Ping, Superconductive Ping… this lineup is doomed.

LOL “Commie Ping” is killing me.

What even is “Superconductive Ping” LOL.

LMAO.

Heo Kyungyeon feels like the final boss LOL.

This was the situation.

Despite that, the reason we decided to participate in the minor candidates’ debate was simple.

“Because we can’t win by standing still.”

I’m genuinely grateful for the faith my supporters have in me.

However, politics is far more mechanical than one might think.

Votes have predictable sources.

“While it’s true I’m on the rise, so is Cho Seoyoung.”

Cho Seoyoung’s campaign is gaining noticeable momentum.

Perhaps it’s thanks to the new appointments, such as Jang Sori, joining their camp.

They’re being praised for revitalizing the Democratic Party.

Currently, Cho Seoyoung has an approval rating of 34%, while I’m at 29%, a gap of 5 percentage points.

The problem is that Cho Seoyoung still has untapped voter bases.

“The progressive base is consolidating, and they could easily surpass 40%.”

They’ve got a truckload of voters ready to support them as soon as they get their act together.

That’s the power of a major party.

It’s the strength of a party’s history.

We don’t have that kind of power.

“We need bold moves. If we play it safe, we’ll lose for sure.”

If our goal had been simply to secure campaign expense reimbursements, moderate efforts would’ve sufficed.

But now, our goal is to win.

As a candidate from a third party, “moderation” won’t get us the trophy.

I approached Secretary Song-yeon, who looked busy, and carefully tugged on her sleeve.

Then, I spoke cautiously.

“Secretary Ping…”

“Candidate, do you need anything written down?”

“I can help you… if you’d like?”

“Help me?”

“Yes. You seem busy, so… I thought I’d answer the phone for you…”

“Haha. Do you think you can handle it?”

“What do I do after I say, ‘Hello’…?”

A kind-hearted impulse to help the busy Songyeon had taken over.

However, answering phones was out of the question.

Yet, Songyeon, perhaps in a mischievous mood, seemed intent on making me take a call.

“Sure. It’s just supporters calling because they like you, so why don’t you try answering? If there’s any issue, I’ll step in immediately.”

An individual phone event with a supporter.

That could be fun.

But Jiwoo Ping was already deeply regretting his good intentions.

Thump-thump-thump-thump!

“H-Huh…”

His heart pounded like crazy.

Trying to do a good deed might actually give him a heart attack.

Ring-ring-ring!

Finally, the phone rang.

“……!”

My shoulders jolted.

Songyeon chuckled.

“Go ahead. You’ll be fine.”

Gulp.

I nervously picked up the receiver.

“H-Hello…?”

To my surprise, it wasn’t a supporter’s call.

Look into my eyes! You’ll be happy!

Look into my eyes! You’ll smile!

“???”

A strange, bizarre song played.

“This… This is some weird music… Secretary Ping…”

“Weird music?”

Jiwoo Ping might not have recognized it, but I knew this song.

It was created by none other than Huh Kyungyeon , a self-proclaimed musician, cult leader, politician, teleportation master, secret world president, and alien from Andromeda.

Or, more accurately, a scam artist.

It was one of his campaign calls.

“Ugh. What a strange call.”

Click.

Songyeon hung up.

At that exact moment, a bizarre phenomenon occurred in the office.

Ring-ring-ring!

Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring!

Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring!

“What’s going on?”

“Why are all the phones ringing at once?”

Every single office phone began ringing simultaneously.

“Even my cell phone is ringing!”

“Mine too.”

“What is this? A network glitch?”

Not only landlines but also smartphones were receiving nonstop calls.

“W-We should at least try answering…”

When connected, the calls played:

Call for Heo Kyungyeon! You’ll lose weight!

“H-Heo Kyungyeon ?”

Call for Heo Kyungyeon ! You’ll grow taller!

“…Mine is Heo Kyungyeon  too.”

Say my name! Say my name! Say my name!!!

It was a flood of campaign calls, with lyrics so brainwashing and obnoxious that it felt more like an assault than an advertisement.

The scary part was the endless ringing.

This wasn’t just aggressive campaigning.

It was blatant terrorism.

Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring!

Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring!

Vrrrrrr! Vrrrrrrrr!

“I-I can’t keep up! My phone won’t stop!”

“What on earth is going on?!”

“It’s impossible to even hang up! Calls just keep coming in!”

“What is this cult doing!?”

And then.

Click.

“……”

The deafening barrage of calls stopped abruptly.

“Is… is it over?”

What broke the tense silence was a knock.

Knock-knock.

Through the tension, Han Seoyeong opened the door.

Standing there was—

“Greetings. I am Heo Kyungyeon .”

A new villain had arrived.