At 6 a.m., the hour when sparrows chirp, majestic music echoed in the bedroom.
It was the Star Wars OST.
“……”
Bang!
Bong Soohee turned off the alarm with half-closed eyes.
“Ahhh…!”
A yawn wide enough to unhinge her jaw escaped.
She tried to sit up but kept losing consciousness every five seconds.
“Waking up at 6 a.m. is insanity…”
She had quit her job because she hated getting up early, yet here she was again.
Who would’ve thought working as a PR consultant would bring her back to this?
And all of this traced back to Kang Jiwoo from before the TS incident.
“You told me it wouldn’t be that busy, you jerk.”
When recruiting her, Kang Jiwoo had assured her there was no need to feel burdened.
That it was just consulting work and she could work freely.
“Kang Jiwoo is a scammer!”
The reality was far different.
The work, which was supposed to be fun, turned out to be nothing but sighs.
Not because of the tasks themselves, but because of the difficult elders.
Chief among them was Park Seokji, who never missed a chance to lecture Soohee, a PR expert, about PR strategies.
The political party’s atmosphere was also a mess.
With multiple factions under one roof, they couldn’t agree on anything, leaving chaos in their wake.
Even their disorganized party name seemed to reflect their disarray.
Seeing Kang Jiwoo struggling to lead them all made even Soohee feel sorry for him.
“If it weren’t for the TS, I would’ve quit long ago.”
But then, Kang Jiwoo became a little girl, and everything changed.
At first, it was fascinating.
Then, it was a bit funny.
And finally, it was insanely intriguing.
“We can make an elementary school girl president? Count me in!”
A cute little girl as the President of South Korea.
Just imagining it was entertaining!
If she said this to someone like Park Seokji, she’d probably get scolded for not taking the election seriously.
But Bong Soohee was always that kind of person.
“Only fun matters.”
If something was fun, she’d stick with it.
If it wasn’t, she’d drop it.
Fun was her sole compass in life.
“Two.”
She groaned oddly as she managed to get up.
Her eyes still weren’t fully open.
In that state, she climbed onto the treadmill and crawled on all fours at a very slow speed.
It was her way of waking up.
On the treadmill, Bong Soohee personally experienced human evolution, slowly transitioning from a four-legged monkey to a bipedal modern human.
Finally, her eyes opened.
She checked her smartphone at last.
[You have a new message.]
[Sender: Siljangping]
[4:17 a.m.]
It was a message from Siljangping, sent at 4 a.m.
“How presumptuous.”
Sending a personal message at that hour?
But there was no way Bong Soohee would wake up for it.
“Good thing I turned off the alarm for her messages.”
Han Seoyoung’s texts never triggered her alarm.
Siljangping: “I’ve thought of a counter-strategy.”
Siljangping: “We can’t make the candidate seem smart and strong.”
Siljangping: “So why not make the opponent seem dumb and soft instead?”
“Hmm…”
Han Seoyoung’s idea was a reversal of perspective. It didn’t seem like a bad approach.
Soohee immediately thought of content tailored to it.
“I’m a genius.”
She began drafting a proposal in her head right away.
Title: President Kang Jiwoo in the Forest
The title and concept were completed in an instant.
President Kang Jiwoo would wear animal costumes in the forest.
Just imagining the cuteness made her smile.
Jiwoo’s willingness to face criticism was admirable.
But with her soft mentality, handling all the negative messages was too much.
Last night, she’d been so upset that she downed three bottles of Heochu Ping Milk.
“Let’s get ready for the meeting!”
The office was bustling from early morning due to an emergency meeting called by Han Seoyoung.
There was apparently a shift in their negative campaign strategy, though Soohee didn’t know the details yet.
“I’ll just do this in the meantime…”
At a desk in the corner of the meeting room, Soohee pulled out a Tangram Set.
Using various shapes to form specific figures, she immersed herself in this puzzle game.
These days, Jiwooping has been completely absorbed in Tangram.
“I solved it…!”
The amazing me, so good at Tangram.
My mouth muttered on its own.
“I solved it again…!”
A streak of confident victories.
I’m drunk on my sexy brain~
“This is too easy~”
Excited, I even mimicked Heochuping’s voice for fun.
“This one’s a bit harder… Hmm… Is this right?”
I mumbled even though I knew it was correct, hoping someone would acknowledge my skill.
Just then, Songyeon, the administrative secretary, came over and marveled.
“Candidate, you’re amazing~ You even solved a difficult one!”
A grin spread across my face at the compliment.
“I solved all the ones ahead of this too!”
“Wow~ That’s incredible!”
Another grin.
“This one, from level 30 onwards, is really tough…!”
“Really? But you’ve already completed up to level 30?”
“Yes, even the hard ones…!”
“You’re a genius, Candidate! Tangram score: 100 points! From now on, we should call you Hundred Points Ping!”
“Hundred Points Ping…? Heheh!”
I swelled with pride.
From then on, Songyeon continued to serve as a reaction machine.
While my hands focused on the Tangram puzzle, my ears were wide open for the meeting.
“Since everyone’s gathered, let’s begin. First, we’ll cancel the negative counterattack plan we discussed in last night’s meeting.”
“Wait, are you saying we’re not going to engage in negative campaigning at all?”
“No, we’re changing the direction of our negative strategy.”
Not all negatives are the same.
There’s a big difference between pointing out flaws in a policy and attacking someone’s moral shortcomings.
“We’ll approach the negatives from the following perspective.”
Han Seoyoung displayed the materials on the screen.
Class Rules for 2nd Grade, Class 3 at XX Elementary School:
1. Don’t be ashamed to ask your friends or teacher if you don’t know something.
2. Don’t ignore friends in trouble; encourage and help them.
3. Admit your mistakes and apologize if you do something wrong.
4. Say thank you and give compliments when someone helps you.
5. Speak kindly to friends, especially without using slang or bad words.
“What’s this…?”
It seemed to be an actual set of classroom rules from an elementary school.
“This will be our benchmark for negatives.”
“Elementary school rules?”
“Yes. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Everything I need to know, I learned in kindergarten’?”
We were all kids once.
Kids learn from adults:
Don’t fight with friends.
Apologize if you’re wrong.
Don’t talk behind others’ backs.
If everyone in the world just followed what they learned in kindergarten, maybe we’d have a utopia.
Candidates, as they say, have a lot of flaws.
So instead of criticizing them indiscriminately, we’ll highlight our candidate’s strengths through strategic contrasts.
“We have to attack them based on these principles.”
“For example?”
“Take Candidate Cho Seoyoung. There’s that infamous gaffe about basic income.”
Cho Seoyoung’s basic income.
A legendary blunder.
During a debate, when asked about basic income, Cho Seoyoung gave an absurdly off-base answer.
It sounded as if they didn’t even know what it was.
When the opposing candidate pressed them to explain the concept of basic income, Cho Seoyoung fumbled and evaded.
As a result, they got torn apart during the debate.
Even that would’ve been just an embarrassing memory, but it didn’t end there.
The New Wind Democratic Party issued a statement, claiming the blunder wasn’t due to ignorance but because their party used the term “basic income” differently.
If they had just admitted they didn’t know, it might’ve been forgivable, but the clumsy excuse doubled the backlash.
“They didn’t admit their mistake, nor did they apologize. If they didn’t know, they could’ve simply asked, but they were too embarrassed to do even that.”
“Evaluating this through the lens of those class rules makes it seem even more childish.”
“Exactly.”
The strategy was to make the opponent seem as juvenile as possible.
“What about Candidate Yoo Hangcheol?”
“Oh, there’s plenty to say there. His rude remarks, abuse of power, and so on… It’s a long list.”
Yoo Hangcheol’s passive ability seemed to be making offensive remarks.
He once confidently stated that “women in their 40s aren’t cute no matter what they do.”
Imagine how many offensive remarks he must’ve accumulated by now.
“The opposing candidates are attacking ours as being ‘elementary school level.’
But looking at their controversies, they’re no better than elementary school students… Actually, they might be worse.”
“That’s true. No wonder people are calling this the most disliked election in history.”
“The point is to emphasize that people who can’t even follow the school rules are running for president. So, the part we need to focus on is elementary school…”
“Honestly, it’s so childish that it’s unbearable to watch.”
“Yes, exactly.”
The level of childishness was shocking.
Surprisingly, both candidates had quite a lot of embarrassing moments like that in their past.
“What we’re trying to convey is that if those grown adults are acting worse than elementary school students, there’s no reason why our candidate can’t become president.”
I can’t increase my own stats.
So, the goal is to make the opponent’s abilities look as mediocre as mine.
In other words, it was a strategy to lower the world’s expectations.
For an improvised idea, it seemed like a pretty decent strategy.
I almost wanted to compliment Seoyoung.
But.
‘There’s a flaw.’
It wasn’t perfect.
Veteran Park Seokji also pinpointed the issue.
“Han Siljang, it’s good, but do you think our voice will be heard in the media? Didn’t we agree to take an aggressive approach in the first place because we lack speakers on our side?”
Although we’re a fairly large party, we’re no match compared to the two major parties.
In terms of numbers, we fall short.
When a minority faces a majority, we have no choice but to raise the intensity of our rhetoric.
“You don’t need to worry about that. I’ve already taken care of it.”
“Take care of it? How…?”
Han Seoyoung displayed a document on the screen.
It was a ledger filled with the names and numbers of numerous politicians and outcast political figures.
“This morning, I reached out to people from other parties and commentators. I asked them to be our voices.”
“…Last night?”
“And about half of them agreed.”
Our party members aren’t the only ones who can support us.
Just as mercenaries played a role in medieval wars, people outside the party could also become our allies.
Especially since my approval rating had risen significantly, outsiders would naturally take an interest.
Of course, hiring mercenaries required money.
For politicians, promises of positions were as good as money.
“Isn’t that too reckless?”
“I didn’t actually promise them positions. I just left room for interpretation.”
“If you betray that many people, there will be consequences you can’t handle.”
I agreed with Park Seokji’s opinion.
If those people launched an all-out attack?
I might have to go into hiding for about a year.
Han Seoyoung’s response was quite novel.
“It’s fine. We can suppress them with approval ratings.”
“…Oh.”
Han Seoyoung.
You’ve really grown, haven’t you?
You’re bold enough to push forward with unfounded confidence now?
I like the audacity!
“And there’s one more thing. Someone unexpected reached out to us. They said they’d act as our speaker.”
“A big name? Who?”
“I wouldn’t say a big name… but definitely someone useful. However, they’re a bit of a problematic figure, so I wanted to get your opinions first.”
The identity of the “useful person” Han Seoyoung mentioned.
The entire party was stunned.
“Wh-what…!”
Even the genius Jiwooping of Chilgyo would have been shocked by the name.