Chapter 9: Second Engagement -(2)

Seeing Ilia, it felt as though all the chaos up until now had been nothing, and she simply vanished from existence.

And I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

Even though I knew there was no way Ilia was looking at me, it felt like she was, so I kept staring at her.

What snapped me out of it was my brother.

“Are you okay?”

His question was filled with deep concern.

The possibility that this current situation was just a dream couldn’t be ruled out.

Perhaps, on the contrary, the memories of the past six years were the dream, or even a lie.

But the moment I saw Ilia, my thoughts became clear.

What does it matter?

Ilia, she’s alive.

Her head hasn’t been cut off by the emperor yet, and we haven’t even had an engagement ceremony, let alone a wedding.

That fact alone was enough to make me feel okay.

So, I smiled a familiar smile and said,

“I’m fine. I just… have something to think about for a moment.”

My brother looked at me with a suspicious gaze, but upon seeing my smile, he sighed and said,

“Hah… If you say so, then let’s leave it at that.”

After that, my brother didn’t say anything more.

His eyes still carried concern, but he closed his mouth after I said I was fine.

The silence should have been awkward, but I was solely focused on the fact that I could now look at Ilia without restraint.

Ilia was still standing by the window, looking outside, and her gaze was still directed towards the Serigard carriage.

Was it my imagination?

I felt like Ilia and I had made eye contact, but I tried hard to deny it.

There’s no way, I thought.

Ilia and I have no connection yet.

There’s no way she would recognize me.

She might have heard my name, but that’s about it.

While I was lost in these thoughts, the carriage gradually began to slow down.

It had been a while since the mansion came into view, so I could tell we had arrived at the Rigmond mansion.

“We’re here.”

‘It feels like it’s been a long time.’

I got out of the carriage and looked up at the mansion.

There were hardly any changes from the mansion in my memories.

After all, six years isn’t that long of a time.

I convinced myself of that as I looked around.

“You must be from the Serigard family. Welcome to the Rigmond mansion. I am Sebastian, the head butler of the Rigmond mansion.”

The one who greeted us was Sebastian.

Unlike six years later, he still had some brown in his hair, though there were streaks of gray, and his face was just beginning to show signs of aging.

I clenched my teeth to keep my expression neutral.

I wanted to kill him right then and there, but unfortunately, I wasn’t carrying a sword.

Of course, killing him bare-handed would have been easy, but as an outsider, I couldn’t do that.

‘You’ll die by my hand someday.’

I will kill everyone who had even the smallest part in Ilia’s death.

Even if it’s the emperor.

Just then, I heard footsteps coming from somewhere.

I turned my head towards the source and couldn’t help but be startled.

Compared to my memories, she looked younger, but still beautiful—Ilia had come out of the mansion.

Even though I had seen her from a distance earlier, seeing her this close made my mind go blank.

The last time I saw Ilia, it was horrific.

Her head was the only thing left, placed in a box—a memory so gruesome it made me nauseous just to think about it.

Her white hair, which used to reach her waist, was cut off at the neck, bloodied and disheveled.

Her once vibrant skin had turned pale, devoid of any color.

And worst of all, her blue eyes, which used to be so full of emotion, were now empty, staring into nothingness.

It was a brutal, horrifying sight.

That memory came rushing back as I looked at Ilia now.

‘It’s okay, Ilia is still alive.’

Even as I thought that, my heart began to beat faster.

For me, it had been less than a week since that happened.

There was no way I could forget.

Perhaps because of my abnormal reaction, Ilia quickened her pace.

Ilia, who normally wouldn’t have come to greet us, suddenly stopped in front of me.

“Are you okay?”

Her voice was younger than I remembered.

A voice that had been crushed by sorrow and tears, just hearing it made my heart ache.

“I’m fine.”

That was definitely the truth.

Being this close to Ilia, close enough to count her eyelashes, the memories that had been tormenting me began to fade.

But my heart continued to race.

No, it started beating even faster.

‘…She’s so close.’

I could feel my face turning red.

It felt like I had regressed to a time when my libido was at its peak, and I had no immunity to Ilia.

“Are you really okay?”

Her voice was still gloomy, but there was concern in it, and hearing that made my heart beat even more wildly.

‘Damn heart.’

Even though it was my own body, it was incredibly oblivious.

“I’m really fine. Excuse me, but could you just—”

But before I could finish, Ilia reached out and touched my forehead.

“Uh, uh… um…”

My body started trembling like it was broken.

This was an experience I hadn’t even had before the regression.

An Ilia who was purely concerned about me didn’t exist in my memories.

All my senses focused on her hand on my forehead, and my heart started beating even more wildly.

Because of that, I started to feel feverish.

“You seem to have a fever. Your eyes are particularly red—do you have an eye infection?”

Ilia started jumping to conclusions.

“I’ll call a doctor.”

Ilia turned to go back into the mansion to call a doctor.

‘I need to clear up this misunderstanding.’

With that thought, I shamelessly grabbed Ilia’s wrist.

“I-I’m really fine. I just naturally run hot.”

“Then your eyes…”

“T-that’s also… natural.”

“I see.”

Ilia said that with a somewhat indifferent look.

Clearly, my awkward excuse hadn’t convinced her.

“By the way, it would be good if you could let go of my hand.”

“…Ah.”

Only then did I realize I was still holding Ilia’s wrist, and I quickly let go.

“S-sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Ilia said that, but she moved away from me and stood next to Sebastian.

‘My first impression…’

Even before the regression, my first impression wasn’t great, but this time it felt like it might have been even worse—perhaps close to the worst possible impression.

Ilia already had animosity towards the Serigard family, and on top of that, I had shown such an ugly side. The fact that she hadn’t already scorned me was a miracle.

‘Once she finds out I’m her fiancé, she’ll eventually scorn me…’

Thinking that made me feel gloomy.

I wasn’t sure if it was because of my 15-year-old body or because I had realized too late that Ilia had also loved me.

Normally, I should have been fine with this.

I let out a deep sigh.

It had only been about 30 minutes since I regained my senses, but I already felt like lying down.

“Aren, are you really okay?”

My brother asked me the same question for what felt like the hundredth time.

But this time, it wasn’t concern—it was more like curiosity.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry for causing a scene, brother.”

“…Alright.”

My brother didn’t seem convinced.

But I wondered if it was just my imagination that his eyes kept darting between me and Ilia.

A brief, awkward silence fell, and Ilia broke it by speaking.

“…It’s impolite to keep guests waiting outside. Let me show you to the guest room.”

“Thank you for your hospitality.”

Ilia remained silent at my brother’s words.

I could sense a faint wariness in her eyes.

‘Why only towards my brother…’

From what I could tell, Ilia didn’t seem wary of me.

Even though we were both from the Serigard family, she was wary of one but not the other—it was definitely strange.

Before the regression, Ilia had been wary of me too, so this was even more unusual.

‘Maybe I’m just imagining it.’

Perhaps seeing Ilia had clouded my judgment.

‘Or maybe my actions changed things.’

I had made a fool of myself with that first impression.

Maybe I seemed so pathetic that Ilia didn’t even feel the need to be wary of me.

‘Sigh…’

I felt pathetic myself.

Regression—going back in time to fix past mistakes—was something everyone dreamed of.

At one point, even among the nobility, novels about regression—so-called “regression stories”—were popular.

In those novels, the protagonists would return to the past with a changed mindset and achieve their goals, but I had already messed up from the start.

‘Well, novels and reality are different…’

I tried to comfort myself with that thought.

For some reason, it just made me feel even more miserable.