Chapter 75:Do you want to go together? (4)

“Unnie.”  

“Uh, y-yeah?”  

When I turned my head at the sudden call, Shihyun was staring straight at me. Her face was filled with concern.  

“Is something wrong?”  

“Um…”  

There wasn’t nothing wrong. If I had to be precise, there was something.  

Yesterday, while taking a break, I went out and bought a gift for Shihyun, thinking it was her birthday.

But it turned out that the birthday I had in mind wasn’t for the Shihyun standing in front of me now it was for the Shihyun I used to be close to in the past.  

When I think about it, it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Maybe it was because of the name, or perhaps because this Shihyun reminded me of that Shihyun.

Either way, it was just me being confused by myself, and no one else knew about it.  

The gift I had already bought, I just brought it back home. There’s still plenty of time until this Shihyun’s birthday, but I could always give it to her then.

After all, when I bought it, I had her in mind anyway. So, I figured it wasn’t much of a problem.  

But, separate from that—  

I couldn’t sleep properly last night.  

Sure, it was only me who got mixed up, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel guilty about it.  

Am I truly recognizing this Shihyun this one, right here by my side as herself?  

Or, as Yuri once said, am I just keeping her here to fill the void left by the Shihyun who’s no longer around?  

Yeah, as long as I didn’t say anything, Shihyun wouldn’t know.  

I could just keep her by my side like this, lean on her a little to make up for the Shihyun who’s already gone, and she would probably accept it without question.  

But—  

Is that really okay?  

Thinking like this made it impossible to fall asleep.  

In the end, I stared blankly at the ceiling, unable to sleep until long past midnight. It was only after that that I managed to doze off.  

That’s probably why the fatigue was still etched on my face.  

“No, it’s nothing. I’m just a little tired.”  

I answered while lightly rubbing my eyes. I closed the book I had been reading. If I kept reading here, I felt like I’d fall asleep right away. I didn’t want Shihyun to see me dropping the book to the floor because I’d nodded off.  

I wanted to remain the reliable senior in her eyes.  

…Just like I used to be.  

“……”  

I lowered my hand after rubbing my eyes.  

“Then, should I take care of the register for a bit?”  

Shihyun asked. Normally, the two of us handled the register together, but during slow hours, it was quiet enough that one person was enough to manage things. Of course, even then, neither of us would take a full break. Whoever was handling the register would alternate depending on the situation.  

“No, it’s fine. Really.”  

When I got up from my chair and spoke, Shihyun looked at me with worry.  

When we stood facing each other like this, I realized that I was slightly shorter. Just a little I had to look up at her.  

Of course, I was four years older, and since Shihyun looked a bit younger than her age, no one would mistake the age gap between us.  

Still, this situation felt… different.  

The Shihyun I grew up with as a child was much taller than me. By the time she was nearing high school, she even had a somewhat mature vibe to her.

Sure, her face still looked youthful, and her skin was soft, but when we walked side by side, most people didn’t see us as siblings anymore.  

Just like Yuri had said, people naturally assumed we were dating.  

Back then, I was a college student too, so I probably looked younger than I do now.  

“……”  

Shihyun looked at me for a moment, then stepped closer and placed a hand on my shoulder.  

“Ah.”  

Before I could even react, she gently pushed down on my shoulder.  

Of course, it wasn’t as if she forced me down with strength it wasn’t enough to make me collapse or fall but I unconsciously followed the pressure and sank back into the chair.  

“Unnie, just stay seated. If you’re tired, it might be better to rest for a little while.”  

“But—”  

“It’s fine. Gayoung will be here soon anyway.”  

“……”  

Shihyun smiled as she spoke.  

Even though she’s so much younger than me, she seemed so dependable in that moment.  

…Or maybe, I was just failing to act my age.  

“…Alright.”  

If she’s saying it so firmly, maybe leaning on her just a little wouldn’t hurt.  

To be honest, I was really tired.  

When we opened the bakery this morning, I still had some energy left, but after the wave of customers earlier, exhaustion hit me hard. I’d been nodding off in the chair ever since.  

Come to think of it, two months is more than enough time to get used to working here. The bakery didn’t require any sort of professional license or specialized skills, after all.  

If I kept treating Shihyun like a child, she’d probably start feeling annoyed. She might even think I didn’t trust her.  

“……”  

Shihyun smiled at me again and moved to stand at the counter. She rested one hand lightly on the counter and leaned forward slightly.  

Her rolled-up sleeves, jeans, and the dark blue apron she wore over them suited her perfectly.  

Her hair, which reached down to her back, was neatly tied up just like how I wore mine when working.  

It really looked good on her.  

For a moment, I had a thought.  

If I’d dated Shihyun, how would we be now?  

When I thought about it, probably not much would have changed. We’d still hold hands, wander around together, eat meals, and drink coffee like we always did.  

Would we have worked at this bakery together, like this?  

“……”  

I decided not to think too much about those possibilities.  

I just quietly kept my eyes on her, on Shihyun’s figure.  

Watching her, over and over.  

*

I was quietly staring ahead when I heard the soft, steady sound of breathing.  

It wasn’t the usual sound I was used to this one was much longer and gentler.  

Turning my head, I saw my older sister sitting in a chair, leaning against the wall, fast asleep.  

Normally, such a posture might make someone look awkward, but not her.  

She looked like the heroine of a melodrama peacefully dozing off.  

Had something happened yesterday?  

Since I started working here, I’d never seen her look this tired. She was always disciplined, always diligent.  

But seeing her dozing off like this, with such an exhausted expression, was a first.  

Yet, as always, she hadn’t told me anything about what was going on.  

Honestly, I wanted to ask her about it….but I still couldn’t bring myself to.  

Having known her since I was so young, I sometimes felt like our closeness made it harder to bridge certain gaps.  

What did I say to her when we first met? And what did she say to me?  

How could I talk to her now to draw out the words locked inside her heart?  

I still didn’t know.  

“……”  

Even if I told myself to take it slow, I didn’t know what “slow” even meant anymore.  

The less I tried to approach her, the less she seemed to approach me.  

Whenever I thought we’d gotten closer, it felt like I ended up knowing even less about her.  

I grabbed a blanket from behind the counter and draped it over her.  

She must’ve been in a deep sleep because she didn’t stir at all.  

I quietly looked at her face, now turned to the side.  

Her pale profile.  

“…What are you thinking about?”  

What kind of dreams was she having?  

There was no answer.  

Maybe I had whispered too softly.  

Of course, I had no intention of waking her.  

…My birthday was coming up soon.  

Not the fake one etched into my resident registration number, but my real birthday the day I was actually born.  

Every year, she would give me a gift, big or small. Sometimes it was a tiny keychain, other times a toy.  

They weren’t anything extravagant or expensive, but I loved them all.  

Because they were from her, they meant the world to me.  

I thought they were too precious to use, so I just kept them safely stored at home.  

I wondered if those things were still there.  

Did Mom still keep all the gifts I had treasured?  

“……”  

I probably wouldn’t get a gift this year.  

That was just how it had to be. It was decided the moment I crossed over to this world.  

Here, I was a person who had already died without any room for excuses.  

My family, the two people closest to me, had witnessed my death with their own eyes.  

In a way, that was why I was able to cross into this world.  

Even though I had returned to this side, in a body nearly identical to my original one,  

even with the same name and exact birth date—  

to her, I was a different Cha Shihyun.  

…But.  

Even so.  

If I was someone who resembled the person I used to be so much…  

was there even the slightest chance?  

Could things have turned out differently?  

Maybe we could have gotten along better, grown closer—  

…..

‘Hoo…’

 I let out a deep sigh.  

All of it every thought, every possibility was meaningless speculation by now.  

This was the body I had asked for.  

I was the one who had begged to be reshaped into someone no one could recognize.  

The goddess had granted my wish, exactly as I had requested.  

There was no point in regretting it now.  

And even if things had turned out differently, it might not have gone as smoothly as I had imagined.  

So, I…  

As long as I could stay like this, by her side, that was enough.  

As long as I could keep watching her like this, that was enough.  

Just like this.  

Forever,  forever.