Chapter 74 : Secret (9)

It was a fortunate thing that my room was right next to Ayla’s.

If people had seen me running down the hallway completely drenched, they would have noticed that something had happened.

“……Haa.”

I entered my room, closed the door, locked it, and slumped to the floor, leaning against the wall.

My heart was pounding like crazy.

Ayla touched my body. As if she was enjoying it. I couldn’t properly judge what that meant.

Ayla… could she possibly be attracted to women? That seemed like a possibility. After all, men could be attracted to other men.

Thinking of someone as a good person, someone trustworthy—there were men who showed sexual interest in other men.

Likewise, there must be women who felt the same toward other women.

If that was the case, then was the reason Ayla didn’t follow me when I was a man because I was a man?

Since she was attracted to women, was it because I was a man back then that she had no issue holding my hand?

And at the end, when she rejected me, was it simply because she never saw me as more than a friend?

If so, then now would actually be an opportunity.

I don’t really know what kind of appearance women find attractive.

I have no idea if the standards of beauty that men think apply to women would work in this case.

At the very least, she played with my body enough to touch me like that.

If she had found me unattractive, she wouldn’t have purposely made me wear revealing clothes.

But at the same time—as much as I tried to take this in a positive light—

I couldn’t help but feel a little miserable.

“Was it… all meaningless?”

I muttered unconsciously, still lying on the floor.

A sudden sense of exhaustion washed over me.

Perhaps, more than I realized, I had been overly conscious of Ayla’s touch.

The wettest parts of my clothes were in the most embarrassing spots.

But this exhaustion wasn’t just because I had been aroused.

It was also because of the overwhelming sense of misery that accompanied it.

When I was a man, I did my best to catch Ayla’s eye.

When she was in a bad mood, I tried to cheer her up.

If she wanted to spar again, I accepted without hesitation.

It wasn’t a faraway place, but wherever Ayla wanted to go, I went with her.

We laughed together. We got angry together.

After Ayla became the daughter of a baron, I did everything I could to support her.

But now, thinking that all of that might not have meant much…

“No, that’s not it.”

I wanted to be recognized by Ayla.

More than that, I wanted to be her lover.

But at the same time, what did I really think?

‘If she rejects me, then it can’t be helped.’

That’s what I had thought.

Because at that point, there was nothing more I could do.

In the end, I was so afraid of hearing that rejection that I ran away, over and over, until I finally found myself standing in front of the dragon.

And even then, I convinced myself that my feelings were sincere.

I liked Ayla.

So if she said no, I had decided I would let go without hesitation.

But now, was I expecting Ayla to be grateful for everything I had done?

That, in itself, was another form of misery.

…I know this feeling.

It’s the same kind of shame that follows after indulging in a sexual fantasy.

Because I am human.

But even knowing this, it’s not something I can easily avoid.

“Haa.”

But I can’t just stay like this forever.

I got up again.

Quickly, I changed my clothes.

Of course, if I just put on new clothes without wiping off, it wouldn’t be much better than not changing at all.

So I decided to go into the bathroom attached to my room and wipe my body lightly with a damp towel.

As I took off my clothes, I removed the underwear beneath my skirt and then paused for a moment, looking up at the ceiling.

The door was locked, so no one would come in… but if someone did, they would probably think I was acting very strangely.

Still, it’s hard to feel anything other than discomfort when looking at wet underwear.

Since becoming a woman, this was the first time I had ever felt something like this…

I shook my head and hurried to the bathroom.

Luckily, Ayla hadn’t gone back to reading her book.

Honestly, at this point, I was a little afraid of what was written in that book.

But what made me feel truly hopeless was the fact that, without realizing it, I was looking forward to Ayla’s next move.

…What could I do?

The woman I had fallen for long ago was now touching my body like that.

No matter the reason, if she saw me as an object of desire, I had no intention of rejecting it.

I was a little afraid of what would happen if Ayla ever discovered my real identity.

“Hm.”

After I had cleaned myself up and changed clothes, Ayla made a small sound.

It wasn’t a laugh or a sneer, just a dull, indifferent noise.

As if she had no words and was just reacting.

Seeing that, I felt a little relieved.

Ayla was feeling awkward about what she had done.

It meant she didn’t see me as just a doll.

“You changed your clothes.”

“Yes, Lady Ayla.”

Ayla approached me and leaned down slightly.

She was a little taller than me now, and by doing that, her face came close to my neck.

At the same time, my face nearly touched her chest.

She had changed clothes as well.

Since we still had dinner left and had to stand before the Empress, she hadn’t worn anything too thin, which was fortunate.

There was a faint scent—just a hint of sweat.

I was familiar with it.

And surely, I must smell the same.

Maybe even worse.

Ayla’s breath touched the nape of my neck, and soon, I heard a soft inhale.

“As expected, wiping lightly wasn’t enough to feel completely clean.”

“I apologize, Lady Ayla.”

“No need to apologize. I was the one who caused this.”

Ayla pulled away again.

I felt both relief and disappointment at the same time.

I was still completely captivated by her.

Her personality had changed slightly from the Ayla I knew, but she was still Ayla.

Just how deeply had I fallen?

It was a wonder I hadn’t drowned.

Or perhaps, I was already sinking slowly, suffocating.

And if it was in Ayla’s embrace, I didn’t think I would mind.

“However.”

“……Lady Ayla.”

“Why is that, Luna? Do you perhaps not want me to do such a thing?”

“…That is, you called it sex education, right?”

“Yes, you could say it’s not common. But for a high-ranking noble lady, it’s something to be learned.”

“Will Lady Seila be learning as well?”

At my question, Ayla’s eyes blinked.

“She’s still too young now, but in two or three years, she will become a proper noble lady.
In fact, even at her current age, it wouldn’t be strange for her to meet with other young ladies for tea.”

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

Ayla spoke in a slightly stiff voice.

Why am I saying this right now? Is it just because I want to win this argument?

Or is it…

“If, when Lady Seila has grown enough, I were to also teach her—”

I never got to finish my sentence.

Ayla’s fingertips touched my chin.

Slowly, with growing pressure, she lifted my head.

I saw Ayla’s blue eyes.

Eyes that looked down on me endlessly.

But at the same time, those eyes gleamed.

That gleam was, perhaps, possessiveness.

“Luna.”

Ayla spoke.

“You are my doll, aren’t you?”

“…Yes. I am Lady Ayla’s exclusive maid.”

“So, in other words, you belong to me.”

Ayla’s hand came down and touched my neck.

She grasped the choker wrapped around it.

“Isn’t that right? Or did I misunderstand? I was under the impression that you had given your life to me.”

That’s right.

This choker signifies exactly that.

And I was sincere.

If that’s the case, then why did I bring up Seila in the first place?

“In that case, I should be the one to play with you. I have no intention of lending my doll to someone else.
Seila has her own dolls, doesn’t she?”

She couldn’t be referring to Daisy…

Ayla didn’t believe that Daisy was the witch herself, but she did think of Daisy as an important figure under the witch.

She was talking about Seila’s dolls.

Those porcelain dolls Seila used when she played tea parties.

Ayla was saying that I held the same position as those dolls.

Right.

Perhaps, I wanted to confirm that.

“Answer me. That’s an order.”

As Ayla spoke, my throat began to tighten.

This restraint was a gift from me, but the one using it was entirely Ayla’s will.

That I belonged to her—That throwing me away or giving me to someone else was her decision alone.

That, at least for now, she had no intention of doing so.

Ayla would never openly express such emotions.

“Yes, that’s correct. I am Ayla’s doll.”

If Seila saw this scene, what would she say?

Ironically, the sight of the two of us resembled the story Seila had been reading.

When I heard that Ayla had been ‘educated,’ what burned in my heart was jealousy.

Jealousy so overwhelming that I couldn’t do anything about it.

That someone had laid hands on Ayla’s body, regardless of how Ayla felt about it.

“All right, then.”

Ayla’s hand withdrew.

I could finally breathe again.

“I just changed clothes. I can’t afford to get them dirty again.”

Ayla went over to the sofa and sat down.

A brief silence followed.

“…Ah.”

Ayla let out a small sound, slightly delayed.

Then, with a faint blush, she looked at me.

“So, have you heard anything about the Empress, the Shadow, and the Witch? You’ve been away for a while.”

It seemed that Ayla had now realized that the only times I was apart from her were when I was sleeping or exchanging such information.

“I have heard something.”

“Report.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I answered with a polite bow.