Terrible.
The worst.
I keep becoming aware that I am the most pathetic one among us.
In the end, we’re all in the same situation, but the ones who always manage to find hope are the magical girls.
I thought I could do everything alone, but in the end, I can’t do anything by myself and just end up relying on others for help.
Is Pangpang okay? Did the police interrogate them after I left?
Did the people around them find my sudden disappearance suspicious and report it?
If I were to contact them, it would only raise more suspicion.
I left to avoid being suspected further, but if
I approach them recklessly, it’ll only make me seem incredibly suspicious.
Even though I have a mask…
Sigh.
After running away from Hayoon, I leaned back against the wall again.
The moon is so bright that I can barely see any stars.
If it weren’t for the circumstances, I might have actually liked this place.
There’s no one around, and while that’s a bit inconvenient, it’s much better than being surrounded by too many people.
Even under a sky where stars seem like they could pour down at any moment, I can’t calm myself.
I just feel uneasy.
I don’t want to think about anything.
I don’t know what Hayoon will think about what I did earlier.
No matter how impulsive someone might be, you shouldn’t do something like that.
Obviously, thinking that someone would truly do anything just because they said they would is absurd.
Normally, I wouldn’t have thought that way.
Did I… really see Hayoon that way?
I want to believe I didn’t.
I want to believe that the reason I stayed near Hayoon was to help her… because we’re friends, that’s all.
But even in this situation, if I can’t be certain, then I guess I’m already messed up.
How long had I been staring at the sky?
I heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching.
“Jieun.”
It was Hayoon.
Did she not understand what had just happened earlier?
Maybe she thought I wouldn’t do something like that just because it was me.
Well, usually, people don’t imagine such things happening between women.
That’s why places like public baths can exist.
Hayoon and I even bathed together once.
I tried not to look her way back then out of consideration and my own conscience.
Now, I wanted to run away again.
But where could I even go? Except when I shower, I’m always wearing the circuit, so technically, I could go anywhere.
And I have a mask, too.
But I barely have any clean clothes left.
I obviously can’t use my cards, and I don’t have much cash either.
I can’t just go out and spend money recklessly for my own comfort.
So, I just stayed still.
“Jieun.”
Hayoon stubbornly called my name.
It didn’t seem like she came to criticize me for my actions. Hayoon wasn’t that kind of person.
She wasn’t someone who would only ever be kind and never speak harshly.
To those she deemed as enemies or as evil, she could be merciless.
She was like that to me back when we met in a battle.
Her sparkling eyes believed that it was wrong for me to destroy the generator and that protecting it made her just.
But if Hayoon had known back then that it was me, things might have been different.
At least, Hayoon never said such things to me directly.
Even though I was a combatant, labeled a terrorist, and branded a public enemy in this country, Hayoon still followed me.
Thinking about it made guilt rise deep in my chest.
Whether I liked it or not, Hayoon was here solely for me.
She had given up her future for this.
And she had already done so much for me in this place.
Not everything was perfect, but without the magical girls, I wouldn’t have been able to obtain the things I now had.
So, I didn’t respond.
I had nothing to say.
I heard a rustling sound beside me—the distinctive noise of sneaker soles scraping against the dirt floor.
A faint warmth reached my side, followed by a weight, not too heavy, pressing against me.
Softly, Hayoon’s head rested on my shoulder.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her pink hair shimmering under the white moonlight.
A scent, like flowers, wafted over.
No one here could afford any extravagant grooming, let alone perfume.
It was likely just the cleanest smell possible after washing with water.
But still, her scent lingered.
Oh, right.
There was some shampoo.
Ji-hye had given us a small travel-sized packet of shampoo, the kind sold at convenience stores.
We’d been using it sparingly, dividing it among us all.
Even though there wasn’t much, Hayoon’s hair carried a fragrance.
Or perhaps this too had something to do with magic.
“…Aren’t you scared?”
“Scared? Of what?”
I asked, and Hayoon returned the question.
“About earlier.”
“What about earlier?”
Each time I spoke, Hayoon answered back with a question.
Even though we both knew exactly what incident we were referring to, Hayoon acted as if it were nothing.
And that… annoyed me.
Why was that?
It felt like she was saying she’d accept anything I did to her.
In the end, wasn’t I just jealous again, realizing Hayoon was a better person than me?
The circuits in my mind began turning slowly.
I truly was pathetic.
Even in situations like this, finding reasons to despair at every turn.
What I hated most, after all, was myself.
“Do you really not know what I’m talking about, or are you hoping I’ll say it out loud?”
I knew I should apologize.
But the words wouldn’t come out.
They couldn’t.
Hayoon remained silent, leaning her shoulder against mine.
Except for the tension in our conversation—though I was the only one putting up those thorns—it almost felt like before.
The times when we’d just sit side by side, without exchanging many words.
Hayoon had always liked those quiet moments.
Maybe it was because she was constantly surrounded by people wanting to talk to her for one reason or another.
She cherished times when she could just be still.
Perhaps, that’s all she wanted to do now as well.
But what was different from then was…
I couldn’t be as certain as I used to that I truly knew Hayoon.
She must know this situation was “wrong.”
She must know that what I did was “wrong.”
So why didn’t righteous Hayoon confront me about it? Why wasn’t she at least gently addressing it?
I didn’t understand.
And that made me a little scared.
There was no reason to be afraid anymore.
Because I understood.
With her head softly resting on Jieun’s shoulder, Hayoon thought to herself.
Truthfully, not long ago, she had been a little scared.
Scared that she might not truly understand Jieun’s feelings.
That helping her in this situation might do more harm than good.
That Jieun might no longer need her.
It was a natural worry.
Jieun had never told Hayoon she needed her.
She had never asked for her help.
And that was what had brought Hayoon the greatest sense of peace when she was by Jieun’s side.
Because Jieun didn’t expect anything from her and remained a pure friend.
So now, feeling anxious was a strange thing.
After all, the reason Hayoon liked Jieun in the first place was that she didn’t expect or demand anything from her.
To suddenly want everything now…
Wouldn’t that be far too selfish?
Even up until now, I had been too selfish.
Just being here with her was selfish. Jieun hadn’t asked for this.
But earlier—
When Jieun leaned in close to Hayoon, so close that their eyes were almost touching, and they could no longer see each other’s full face within their field of view—
For the first time, Hayoon realized.
Jieun wanted something from her.
Hayoon still wasn’t sure if it was something that could be given, nor what exactly that “something” was.
While chasing after Jieun, who had left on her own, Hayoon had a few guesses, but even among those, some had to be ruled out.
They were too complicated, or perhaps too privileged a set of emotions for the current Jieun, who was so worn out.
Emotions that might not even be real, that might not even be desired, and that Hayoon herself wasn’t sure she truly wanted.
It was better to set aside such feelings, those faint emotions trickling out from somewhere deep beneath her chest.
Because if they were a misunderstanding, it would be an irrevocable mistake for both of them.
Hayoon didn’t want to hurt Jieun like that.
She wouldn’t have followed her in the first place if she intended to.
So, with rational deliberation, Hayoon pushed aside those possibilities.
The next thought that came to mind was whether Jieun might slap her.
Considering what Hayoon had done so far, if it ended with just a slap, that would be lenient.
No matter the circumstances, Hayoon had already struck Jieun several times.
And it wasn’t just hitting—
She had inflicted worse things on Jieun than anyone else who had tormented her.
For a moment, perhaps Jieun had felt such an impulse.
Which meant—
It meant Jieun wanted something from Hayoon.
And just realizing that lessened some of Hayoon’s fear.
Even if it seemed like nothing happened, even if Jieun acted as if it didn’t matter—
Hayoon had been afraid.
Afraid that Jieun would disappear from her sight without asking for anything, treating her as if she were “no one.”
It was Jieun’s usual demeanor, and it scared Hayoon.
But when you understand even a little of what someone feels, everything changes.
Even if they hate you, if the connection remains, if there’s still a chance to return—
No, that was too optimistic.
But even if it wasn’t the same, couldn’t they return to something close?
At least to a relationship that could be called “friends.”
A faint vibrating sound broke the moment.
It wasn’t the usual sound of a phone vibrating—it felt strange, awkward.
The sound came from Jieun’s wrist.
The circuit she used.
Just by being next to Hayoon, Jieun was feeling some kind of emotion.
Iris—Jo-ah—had speculated that the circuit amplified negative emotions. It certainly seemed that way to
Hayoon, too. Jieun never looked happy when she was using it.
But still, maybe—just maybe—
Could that circuit also be driven by positive emotions? Could it work because of good feelings?
Even as Hayoon told herself it was just a selfish thought, she couldn’t help but wonder.
No matter her mental state, Hayoon needed a goal.
Anger was fine, but if it had no outlet, it would lead to nothing.
Taking it out on Hayoon wouldn’t change
Jieun’s situation either.
At least they had secured some food.
They could barely maintain basic living conditions now.
The weather had warmed enough that they no longer needed to worry about freezing to death.
Hayoon still slept in the tent, but now she left the entrance open.
She no longer had the luxury of disliking the magical girls’ presence in her field of view.
They were always together anyway.
At one point, they briefly considered dividing the tent with makeshift walls to create individual rooms.
But even Hayoon thought the idea wasn’t great.
If they went ahead, it would mean more work for the five of them staying together.
And once again, Hayoon would feel guilty.
So for now, it was better to stay like this and take things slowly.
“I’m going to fight,” Jieun said.
That was a week after their last battle.
It was April now.
The frequency of their names appearing in the news had noticeably decreased.
The government’s control over information played a part, but public interest was waning too.
After all, people couldn’t stay fixated on one issue forever.
Everyone had their own lives to live, and eventually, their attention shifted elsewhere.
As for whether Jieun should care about public opinion—she wasn’t sure yet.
In any case, they would try to suppress it. If so, maybe the only option was to send a clear message to those who opposed them.
Like when she attacked the headquarters of Noir Corporation.
The others exchanged glances before looking back at her.
They seemed to say, We’re listening.
Jieun nodded unnecessarily and continued.
“I don’t think hitting headquarters again will mean anything. We got what we needed last time, and now, heavily reinforced monsters are probably waiting for us there.”
Last time, they barely won.
Even though Jieun had pulled out midway, there was no guarantee they could win again, even with her this time.
The monsters’ armor had been upgraded since then.
They had managed to destroy the upgraded armor once, but it might have been reinforced even further by now.
If the headquarters were filled with those monsters, it would be nearly impossible to win this time.
“Then—
“Let’s target the complex this time.”
James continued from where I left off.
“The complex? But isn’t that…”
“Yes, the place where the last terror attack happened.”
I nodded at Iris, who hesitated slightly.
I had heard that the damaged area was rendered completely unusable.
Even if they tried to rebuild it, they’d have to start from scratch with those thick pillars.
Moreover, the explosion’s aftermath and the collapse had severely compromised the surrounding structure, making it impossible to reuse.
For now, they had cut off the damaged section entirely and divided the area into two separate complexes.
“The research was definitely conducted there.”
The kidnapped scientist had been there. He died during that attack.
At least within that pillar, there had truly been rooms.
Whether it was a hidden lab or just an interrogation room, we couldn’t be sure anymore.
“They’re probably researching something completely different now than what they were under the previous chairman.”
“Wouldn’t there be monsters there too?”
Dahlia asked a very reasonable question.
Of course, there would be monsters.
“We need to consider the cost of creating those monsters.”
I turned to James.
This was something he and I had concluded together during a conversation the day before.
James had eagerly run calculations for me, clearly relishing the opportunity to mess with the organization that had betrayed him.
“No doubt about it, he’s absolutely committed to getting back at the ones who stabbed him in the back,”
I thought.
“Actually, the cost of making the armor isn’t very high,” James began with a smirk.
“The improved versions came out quite quickly, after all. The key is the monster inside and the armor tailored specifically to them.”
He continued with a sharp grin.
“While the circuits can be produced uniformly and the internal structures can be mass-manufactured, the armor casting must be custom-fit to the resonance of each monster. Considering that, they probably haven’t made as many as one might think. At most, we’d see about as many as we did that day at the facility.”
The “stable supply of monsters”—
imply using the monsters we’ve defeated so far wouldn’t work.
The Federation isn’t that foolish.
Whether they’re artificially created or secretly kidnapped from elsewhere, mass production isn’t feasible yet.
If it were, magical girls would have long become obsolete, and the controversy surrounding them would have died down.
Most ordinary people don’t even realize these creatures are monsters.
“The complex is large. It’s unlikely to be filled with monsters.”
James paused briefly before adding,
“But if they’ve spread the monsters more broadly across the country, that would be even better for us. So, our ultimate goal should be the complex, but we should hit other places first to cause confusion. That’s doable, right?”
“Yeah, it is.”
I nodded, and the magical girls showed slightly uneasy expressions.
Of course, they would feel that way.
Going after a monster that appears is a mission.
But proactively launching an attack—it’s not a mission. It’s terrorism.
Even if no one dies, it’s still the same.
No matter how little we care about our reputation right now, it’s impossible not to feel guilty.
However—
Among the uneasy faces, only Hayoon didn’t seem troubled.
She simply looked straight at me.
“This time, it’s also about properly freeing the monsters being exploited. Whatever the reason, they must be suffering as monsters.”
When I said that, the others seemed slightly reassured.
Hayoon, as always, looked at me with trust in her eyes.
That expression was hard for me to understand, so I ended up turning my head slightly.