Chapter 70 : Secret (5)

When I think about it, Ayla wasn’t the type to care much about the opinions of others.

When we were young and training in swordsmanship together, everyone around us knew about where Ayla and I came from.

I was a nobody, born in Chang-gwan, with no known background, while Ayla was a child with noble blood on her mother’s side.

If I were a bastard with siblings among the legitimate children, there would probably never be a way to become a noble again, but Ayla wasn’t a legitimate child.

If necessary, she could regain her noble status someday.

Despite being a bastard, it was strange that rumors didn’t spread when Ayla, who was supposed to be different, always chose me as her sparring partner, and she would take me with her to wander around from place to place whenever there was time.

Though, it wasn’t far; we would often go to the hill we frequented.

“…….
“Ayla.”

Right.

I pretended not to care, but I was always the one who worried about how others saw us.

The reason I was flustered when Ayla touched my body was because I was afraid others might misunderstand our relationship.

At first, I was also concerned for my safety. If Ayla and I became too close, would someone who wanted to harm me appear?

But Ayla, as though she didn’t care about such things, would drag me along without a second thought.

Maybe deep inside, Ayla felt some sort of ownership over me? She saved me, so I was her possession. Like carrying around a doll, speaking to it as though it were a part of her, she likely thought it was okay to keep me by her side without any worries.

I didn’t mind either way.

“Are you not thinking about eating?”
“Well…”

Ayla brought another piece of meat to my mouth.

As if to show off to those around us.

“If this were alcohol or tea, maybe it would be enough for you to take a sip.”
Ayla said.

“If poison were mixed into a liquid, it would mix evenly, but with this chunk of meat, who knows where the poison might be?”

I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was true.

But that wasn’t why Ayla was doing this.

If she were trying to poison me, I would have to eat the whole steak before knowing whether it was poisoned or not. Taking turns eating a piece each wouldn’t really help.

I shifted my gaze to Seila and the other guests.

The one who reacted most strongly was Seila. I thought I had naturally reduced the distance between Ayla and me, but Ayla kept glaring at me, as though she wanted to kill me with poison. She didn’t shout, probably because of dining etiquette.

Meanwhile, the other guests had different reactions.

The shadowy figure let out a deep sigh, shook their head, and focused back on their own meal. I couldn’t help but feel a bit unfair. Did they think they understood Ayla’s feelings?

If they did, I wouldn’t be going through this.

“…….
The empress had a very complicated expression. She seemed to be looking at something very strange, but at the same time, there was a subtle curiosity in her gaze.

Ah, right. The empress said it couldn’t be helped because I had become a woman. I’m not someone who could understand this side of things.

It might be fine from my perspective, but if Ayla showed this side of herself, especially at the dinner table, it would seem odd.

“Luna.”

Ayla said.

“Do I have to give you an order again?”

“…No, Ayla.”

I opened my mouth and carefully bit the piece of steak that had been cut into a manageable size, making sure the fork didn’t touch my lips.

Ayla slightly stepped back and watched me chew the meat for a while before turning her gaze back to her own plate.

Was Ayla feeling possessive of me now? Was it meaningful that I had tried to protect her in my way, by solving everything myself?

If she were to decide that she didn’t want to let me go, that would be fine too. However, not being able to completely understand Ayla’s feelings left me feeling a bit frustrated.

Ayla ate a few more pieces of steak and then offered me another.

This time, she quietly lowered her head, and carefully bit into the steak, making sure the fork didn’t touch her lips.

Ayla’s brow furrowed slightly.

Was this not the right way? But if I didn’t eat, Ayla would probably get angry again.

“…….

At least this time, she didn’t say anything. So, it probably meant that, even if it wasn’t entirely correct, it wasn’t completely wrong either.

After that, Ayla offered me more pieces of meat, as if she had something she wanted from me.

Could it be like the feeling of giving a bone to a dog next to the table?

Even after giving me food several times like that, Ayla didn’t seem to be in a better mood.

The time Ayla spent as an illegitimate daughter was when the baron’s wife was still alive.

In a way, the baron might have been protecting Ayla in his own way.

Or maybe he just found it uncomfortable to let his wife find out about Ayla.

Or perhaps, during that time, he tried to have more children with his wife but failed, so he simply took Ayla back as a backup.

Whatever the reason, even after Ayla went to the baron’s household, she was not treated as a true daughter.

Most of the servants working at the baron’s house were of commoner origin, so there was no difference in status.

However, there was still a gap between those who had always been in a noble household and those who had not.

Especially, the servants who were loyal to the baron’s wife were rather cold toward her.

Even if they couldn’t openly show it.

So Ayla simply kept her distance from the servants.

She built walls around herself to keep people away, and if anyone tried to approach her, she found a way to drive them off.

Perhaps some of them genuinely wanted to befriend Ayla, but at this point, it didn’t really matter.

Because of that, the emotions Ayla was feeling now seemed strange to her.

No matter how kind someone was to her.

No matter how capable they were.

Was this really something worth accepting to this extent?

As she traced back this emotion, it ultimately led her to memories of her childhood.

The person who had resolved to stay by her side, even at the cost of his own life, just because she had saved him once.

Maybe Ayla had been pushing people away because she knew they wouldn’t be like him.

She understood that it was a cruel standard.

No matter how loyal a servant was, in the end, they were just an employee and an employer.

“……”

Luna was genuinely flustered when Ayla’s mood did not improve even after she obediently ate the meat in front of others as instructed.

She didn’t think Ayla’s reaction was an act.

Luna was skilled at hiding her emotions, but not at acting.

The same woman who had crossed into the Empire, hunted dragons, and even seduced the Empress while disguised as a man—

That same woman was now visibly flustered by Ayla’s actions.

And seeing that, a sensation slowly welled up from the depths of Ayla’s chest.

A complex kind of exhilaration.

Glance.

She shifted her gaze toward the Empress.

The Empress, who had tried to claim Luna as her own before Ayla, was watching with a complicated expression.

Had she realized that Luna wasn’t actually a man and still felt lingering attachment?

The Empress’s expression showed satisfaction, but also lingering dissatisfaction.

Ayla ate a few more pieces of steak and then once again offered some to Luna.

Luna carefully bowed her head and just as cautiously took the meat between her lips.

Then she carefully withdrew.

Her lips never touched the fork.

That was what dissatisfied Ayla.

Even though she had already run her fingers over Luna’s lips and put them into her own mouth.

“……”

She knew that feeling was abnormal.

Was it really that kind of emotion?

No, Ayla thought it might be something even more base.

No matter what anyone said, Ayla was still the baron’s daughter.

Even if she didn’t particularly like him, she might have inherited a part of him.

A nature that only felt satisfied once it possessed the thing it desired.

Even after all these years, was Ayla still longing for him because of that?

She had no choice but to give up back then, but would this feeling only end if she seized it again?

She didn’t know.

Up until now, she never had the luxury to consider such things.

She had been too preoccupied with merely surviving.

And now that she finally had some breathing room, was she projecting her crude desires onto the very person who had given her that freedom?

Her gaze unconsciously landed on the choker around Luna’s neck.

Would it be alright?

Wasn’t it a life she had willingly offered up?

A shackle that Luna had personally asked Ayla to fasten around her neck.

………If she were to take it back now, wouldn’t that be too cruel?