When Maru starts crying, the first thing to do is wait.
If someone like me, whose personality is a capital-T in terms of how others judge it, says anything, the response would obviously be something like ‘Are you seriously such a T?’
Not that Maru has ever actually said that.
But there was a time when I calmly pointed out the issue, only for things to escalate until she was on the verge of getting genuinely angry so I had to be careful.
[Hic… hic… hic… sob…………………….]
She sobbed uncontrollably for a long time and finally managed to calm down after about 15 minutes.
[I’m sorry!!]
…She’s apologizing?
After crying her heart out?
* * *
When the first-generation members had just joined, and the team leader mentioned that Maru was one of the most difficult people to provide mental care for, I couldn’t help but feel puzzled.
Maru?
I’ve never seen her cry on stream.
In fact, during broadcasts, she seemed incredibly mentally strong, even handling the chaotic chat full of troublemakers as well as Komari. She had a reputation for managing it well.
So hearing that she was emotional and difficult to take care of mentally was surprising from my perspective as a viewer.
But then, about half a year ago, I finally understood.
There was a day when I went over to help Maru at her place.
「Uwaaaa!! What do I do? What do I doooo!! Hwaaahhh!!」
A single spilled glass of water had caused the death of her streaming PC.
She was so devastated over a ruined day of streaming that, for a moment, it felt like someone had actually died.
But then, when she was told to wait just an hour because the company would provide a temporary replacement computer…
「…I’ll wait. Thank you!!」
She immediately stopped crying and calmly resumed preparing for her stream.
A classic case of “tough on the outside, soft on the inside.”
Her personality fit her hedgehog beast-person concept almost too well.
Of course, being too spiky could be off-putting, so they toned it down by removing the literal quills and instead gave her sharp collars, epaulettes, and accessories making her overall silhouette closer to that of a rat beast-person.
She was someone who cared deeply for others, looked out for them, and was gentle at heart.
But outwardly, she had a loud voice, was assertive, and never backed down from an argument so a hedgehog still suited her.
Even during collabs, if she gave someone a gift and they didn’t react much, she would worry, “Did they not like what I gave them?”
And if she said something a bit harsh in the heat of the moment thanks to the natural chaos of WWE-style banter in streams, she would always make sure to apologize later or check in with the person.
From my own experience, I often checked out clips and recaps of collabs afterward. And among all the people she had collaborated with, it was actually harder to find someone who hadn’t received a post-stream apology from Maru.
So when the sudden “Maru City Great Flood” happened, I rushed to the chicken restaurant where I was supposed to meet her, anxiously reviewing whether I had done anything wrong.
After all, I had used her voice without giving her a heads-up.
Maybe that had hurt her feelings.
I usually tried to respect the boundaries of other members, but today, I had slightly overstepped. That left me feeling quite guilty as well.
…However, today, Maru’s default mode seemed to be apologetic.
“I’m sorry….”
From her expression and the way her shoulders hunched, it looked less like I had done something to hurt Maru….and more like Maru had completely destroyed my computer instead.
“The… Maru, I think I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“No, no. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
…For what, exactly?
“Earlier… Jiya, you asked for help, but instead of helping, I just clung to you. I’m sorry.”
That completely caught me off guard, and it took me a moment to process before I could respond.
We had played about eight rounds of I’m Wolf, and that only happened in one of them.
And even then, it was just a passing comment I threw out to use Maru strategically in the game.
It didn’t matter whether she helped me or not.
But she cried because she felt bad for breaking that promise?
It wasn’t even something worth feeling that guilty about.
“It was just psychological warfare in a game. You really don’t have to worry about it that much.”
“I know, but… the more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt….”
“There’s nothing to feel bad about. I was watching your chat the whole time, and thanks to you going after me, the reaction was amazing. Everyone was having a blast laughing.”
“…Really?”
I was saved, all thanks to the team leader’s tip.
If you ever need to interrupt one of Maru’s never-ending apologies, bring up stream-related stuff.
Especially numbers, stats, and performance.
She’s like an onion of compliments peel one layer, and she’s instantly in a better mood.
Half a year ago, I didn’t know this trick and had a rough time, but now? Not anymore.
And right on cue, our chicken order arrived.
Maybe because I gave her a little ego boost, Maru giggled and stabbed a boneless chicken piece with her fork.
“But. There’s something I feel hurt about.”
“…Hurt?”
“Yes! You left right after the collab ended!”
This was a new approach.
“Oh.”
“I wanted to keep you next to me and just chat for a bit… I mean, not literally next to me, but, you know, just hang out and talk. But you left so fast, and it made me kinda sad… I was even going to call you on Tokcode, but you were talking to Ronze for so long, I couldn’t get a chance… I kept chatting with viewers after the stream, waiting for you, but then you suddenly left the group chat, too….”
That strange feeling when you haven’t actually done anything wrong, but somehow, you feel like you have.
It’s because of the way Maru talks her words carry this peculiar, guilt-inducing power.
She says it so casually, but it makes you want to apologize.
Look at me now. Just a few sentences in, and my conscience already hurts.
Maybe it’s also because, deep down, I do feel like I did something worse using her voice without permission.
And then, on top of that, I left so suddenly.
It makes sense that Maru might’ve felt bad about it. That, I can acknowledge.
But if I say too much if I apologize too sincerely Maru’s infinite apology loop will start up again.
The right move here is to settle it as mutual.
We both made mistakes, so let’s call it even.
And definitely no offering to pay for her meal.
It would break my heart a little, but we must split the bill otherwise, she’d feel like I was “paying her off.”
“Then, since we both have things to apologize for, let’s just eat this chicken and let it go.”
Thankfully, Maru beamed.
“Okay!”
Her mood shift was so fast.
Well, I suppose that’s exactly how she manages to be so tough on stream while still being so soft in real life.
Maru, now in a much better mood, ate her chicken in a surprisingly neat and graceful manner quite the contrast from her bold on-stream persona.
She carefully wiped the crumbs from her lips with a tissue and swayed slightly to the music playing in the restaurant.
The conversation naturally shifted to the next topic.
“Oh, right! I heard the news. Jiya, you’re going on a trip too!”
Rather than joining for fun, I was more there to keep an eye on the others.
The trip was meant to give the members some time to relax and make memories, but with a more carefree atmosphere than usual, accidents could happen.
“Don’t mind me too much. Just have fun with the others. I’m mostly going to help out the boss and the team leader.”
Hearing that, Maru’s expression faltered slightly.
“…You’re not going to be hanging out with us?”
“Just because I’m going doesn’t mean I have to, right?”
“Ugh… that’s not what I meant. I just thought this is your first time coming along on one of our trips, so I figured there was some reason behind it.”
Ah.
I guess that’s how it must have looked from their perspective.
I was about to explain when Maru spoke first.
“I actually thought this meant you were finally getting comfortable with us. You’ve been streaming with the others a lot lately, and during the pre-event, you hyped us up more passionately than anyone else….”
Of course, I knew there wasn’t any special reason behind my recent appearances.
My voice had changed enough that I no longer felt like it would be unpleasant for viewers.
And since it was beneficial to the company, I figured, why not?
But since it had been almost a year since I last streamed, I must have given them the wrong impression.
I needed to clear things up a little, so I stuck to the objective facts.
“I was never uncomfortable around you guys. It’s just that my job is mostly behind the scenes, so I preferred to keep some professional distance.
And besides, I’ve had to be pretty blunt with you all at times. It would’ve felt weird to suddenly start acting all friendly.”
Maru’s eyes widened.
“Really?”
“If I were uncomfortable, why would I even bother helping with the streams? I even joined Dora and Komari at their place for a stream.”
“…Huh. That’s true.”
“Maybe it’s because the others aren’t as naturally considerate as you, Maru. But from what I can tell, aside from you, no one else seems to think much of it. So you really don’t have to overthink things. Just treat me however you want.”
I see myself as the staff behind the stage.
The performers’ talents shouldn’t feel awkward around the staff.
Of course, that doesn’t mean they should be treating staff like servants either.
But still, I personally believe that entertainers should exist a tier above their support staff.
That’s why, aside from Komari (who became an exception over time), I always use formal speech with everyone.
By showing them respect first, it subtly reinforces the idea that they’re in a position above me.
And once they fully internalize that, they stop worrying about the staff’s opinions and just do whatever comes to mind, whether it’s a crazy idea, an outlandish pitch, or a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Of course, sometimes the company has to step in and put a stop to certain things, but more often than not, those ideas turn into great content, bring in new viewers, and boost performance metrics.
That was my thought process, but…
It didn’t seem to come across to Maru the way I intended.
She quietly ate her chicken while sneaking glances at me every so often.
Then, just as the last few pieces of chicken were disappearing, she suddenly grabbed my beer glass without warning and downed the remaining half in one go.
Placing the glass down on the table with a crisp sound, Maru spoke.
“Then, should we start speaking casually!!…ly.”
Since I only spoke informally with Komari, it was only a matter of time before one of the other members brought it up.
Especially with Maru’s personality she might have felt uneasy, wondering if she was being treated differently.
We were the same age anyway, so it didn’t really matter if we dropped formalities.
“Sure.”
Her eyes widened so much they looked like they might pop out, and she started panting like someone on the verge of hyperventilating before finally speaking.
“Th-then! Jiya! From today, we’re friends!”
“Wait a second.”
I immediately straightened my expression to correct the misunderstanding.
I hadn’t agreed to speak casually because I wanted to be friends with Maru.
Though there were few customers in the shop, I lowered my voice just in case someone overheard.
“We’re not friends. You’re a VTuber, and I’m the staff supporting you.”
“…Oh.”
But Maru looked like she was about to cry, so I had no choice but to add an explanation.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be friends. I’m just worried that if we get too close, I might mess up while working. I hope you understand.”
Maru let out a small giggle.
“I-if that’s the case, then yeah! I understand!!”
* * *
Magia was someone who took work more seriously than anyone, and Maru understood that.
So while they didn’t become friends, Maru stepped back, holding onto a bit of disappointment.
Right now, the most important thing is the major event happening next week.
Every member had met with Jiya at least once, and as the last to test their rapport, Maru had successfully switched to informal speech as a fellow same-age member.
With that settled, everyone agreed to execute their plan on November 22, during their group trip next week.
“Alright, take out what you prepared.”
With determined expressions, the members pulled out their gifts.
Maru, the mastermind behind this secret meeting, grinned in satisfaction.
“Next week, no mistakes, okay? Absolutely no slipping up. If anyone messes up, you know what happens, right?”
“We know. We know too well, it’s stressing me out.”
“Yeah… penalty stream!”
“I never mess up. Honestly, I’m more worried about you, unnie.”
“Komari, quiet. Anyway, the boss and Team Leader Kang agreed to help too. If anything seems risky, don’t forget to ask me or them for help right away.”
On Maru’s phone screen, which hadn’t dimmed yet, the calendar app displayed an important reminder for next week.
<Magia’s Birthday Special – Operation: Tearjerker>