“Or, there’s also the method of practicing with the real young lady.”
I suggested that to Ayla when she asked if I would continue.
After all, there is one more person in this mansion who could be called ‘young lady’ besides Lady Ayla herself.
“…I don’t really want to do that.”
“I understand.”
The Shadow is a somewhat awkward person to deal with.
In truth, if I asked, the Shadow would treat Ayla normally. With a more active and restless personality than expected, they’d likely think of it as a good way to pass the time.
But unless someone like me, who has dealt with the Shadow before, understands that personality, it would be hard to notice. Just the fact that the Shadow runs an information guild in the capital is more than enough to make Ayla uncomfortable.
Ayla instantly refused my suggestion and then spoke first. It seemed my words had sparked a lot of thoughts in her.
“You mentioned it was a hobby, right? Then what kind of hobbies does Luna usually have?”
When she asked me the same question, I found myself at a loss for an answer.
“I’ve never really had any hobbies.”
“Oh my.”
Ayla smiled softly, as if she found it somewhat interesting.
“You don’t have any hobbies yourself, yet you ask me such a question?”
“My main job is being a maid. I never really had the opportunity to engage in refined conversations like this with noble young ladies.”
“So you had no reason to have any hobbies.”
Ayla thought for a moment and then asked,
“How about swordsmanship? You seem to enjoy it quite a bit when we cross swords.”
“I’ve never thought of swordsmanship as a hobby.”
That’s right.
To be precise, I don’t particularly enjoy fighting. I prefer a peaceful environment, and ideally, I’d like to live a relaxed life until I grow old and die.
But unfortunately, my goal is not something that can be achieved with such a laid-back attitude. I must constantly learn and grow if I want to protect Ayla somehow.
“So you learned it as a means of survival?”
“I suppose.”
I did use it as a means, but when asked like that, it didn’t seem quite right.
The initial reason was because Ayla liked swordsmanship.
Ayla brought me to the dojo, saying she would teach me ‘how to survive.’ Of course, the only thing she taught was swordsmanship.
Though she lived as a commoner, Ayla, who was somewhat protected as an illegitimate daughter, wouldn’t have needed to learn survival rules the way someone like me, who roamed the back alleys, did.
At first, I thought she saw me as a doll. And perhaps she really did.
She was older than me, but still young enough to be considered childish. It was probably the first time Ayla had something she could truly call her own.
An impulsive acquisition she wanted to possess. Maybe that’s all I was.
Most of the kids at the dojo had a set time to go home. There weren’t many who were serious about swordsmanship.
The number of girls was embarrassingly low, and most boys were just there out of admiration, having come to play at sword fighting, not to pursue it seriously.
Ayla genuinely enjoyed swordsmanship—she wanted to delve deeply into it. But because of that, she hardly had any serious sparring partners around her.
It was fortunate for me.
“I had someone I admired.”
“Someone you admired?”
Ayla’s eyes widened slightly.
It was a look I hadn’t seen often since coming here—a face purely surprised, without any suspicion.
Although we were both past the age to be called girls, for a moment, Ayla looked like a young girl, as if time had turned back.
“Tell me more about it.”
Ayla leaned back slightly, as if she were enjoying herself. She rested her arms on the table and smiled faintly.
When Ayla smiled with her eyes, they curved like crescent moons. Was she planning to tease me?
Even though I spoke impulsively, well, this much should be fine.
After all, Ayla would never realize the truth.
She didn’t even notice that I liked her.
“Yes. It was someone whose swordsmanship was incredibly beautiful.”
“Your first love?”
“…You could say that.”
Strangely, I didn’t blush while talking about this. Maybe because it felt like I was telling someone else’s story.
“It didn’t work out, though.”
“I see.”
“I simply wanted to follow them. Even knowing that I never could.”
“Were you happy when you crossed swords with them?”
“Yes, I was happy. Not because I liked swinging the sword, but because, in those moments, it felt like the world belonged to just the two of us.”
The swordsmanship I learned wasn’t some elegant style from a prestigious school. It was rough, even crude—swordsmanship meant purely for survival.
It was fortunate they at least didn’t teach me to throw dirt or spit in the opponent’s eyes.
Maybe that’s why I was able to learn it.
Real dojos run by knights were far more expensive and wouldn’t accept just anyone.
And because it was that kind of swordsmanship, we could only focus solely on each other.
The sword’s movements were unpredictable. It would seem to fly toward me but then curve sideways, appear to slash but then thrust, look like a thrust but then sweep.
Not just the blade, but even the hilt and guard were used aggressively.
The harder I tried to genuinely defeat Ayla, the closer we became.
Close enough to hear each other’s breathing.
Close enough for our sweat to mingle.
“So, what happened to that person?”
“Their status was too different from mine.”
I spoke calmly.
“They were someone I was bound to part with someday. It wasn’t even a relationship built on love, so there was no lingering attachment.”
Ayla’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Really? Not even a word?”
“We did exchange a few words at the end.”
“What did you talk about?”
“…That part is personal, so it’s still difficult for me to share.”
I confessed evasively, but Ayla didn’t accept my confession. Whether she had feelings for me or not—I still don’t know for sure.
At the very least, she looked comfortable when she was by my side, so for now, that’s enough for me.
Looking back, maybe it was better that my plan fell apart. If I had really stood before Ayla and asked her to use the orb, would she have accepted? Would she have believed that I came to rescue her?
No, more than that—
Would I have been able to stand before Ayla at all? Would I have had the courage to do so?
“That man… he’s the worst.”
A man, huh? I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.
“The worst?”
“Yes, the worst. Surely they must have noticed each other’s feelings by then.”
“Perhaps not. My status never reached his level, so maybe he never even considered me as a romantic prospect.”
“Oh, if that’s the case, then that’s a relief.”
“A relief?”
Calling him the worst, then saying it’s a relief… Ayla’s choice of words was a bit confusing, but they piqued my interest.
“Surely… you didn’t… give yourself to him, did you?”
“No, nothing like that was ever suggested.”
Give myself to him…
Considering my relationship with Ayla, if anyone was in a position to “give permission,” it would have been her.
And if I had, Ayla would’ve faced trouble of her own. Unless it were a remarriage, a noblewoman maintaining her chastity until her first marriage was common sense. Though I’ve heard that commoners often fall in love freely and naturally marry afterward.
“If that’s the case, then maybe that man isn’t the worst. He enjoys himself but at least knows his limits. A bad person, but… not the worst.”
“A bad person?”
“Yes. He probably enjoyed spending time with a beautiful woman. Then, when he found another marriage prospect, he simply moved on. Right? But at least he didn’t ask if you’d become his mistress. That’s the one good thing about him.”
Beautiful…
That’s how Ayla described me. She seemed completely unaware that she had said it out of sheer frustration.
Watching Ayla fume, I couldn’t help but let out a bitter smile.
I wonder if she realizes that the “man” she’s criticizing is actually herself? In that sense, it was an advantage that I had become a woman.
Am I a bad person in Ayla’s mind?
Someday, though it’s unlikely—if Ayla were ever to realize that the story was about her…
Even if she never came to love me, I wondered if she would at least feel a little regret.
Selfishly, I hoped she would.
“Ayla.”
“Yes, Luna?”
“You were magnificent.”
“What?”
Ayla tilted her head at my sudden compliment.
“The things you just said were exactly the kind of conversation noble ladies would enjoy at a tea party. Especially Lady Seila would love it, given the books she’s been reading.”
Realizing she’d been quite emotional, Ayla’s face gradually turned red.
“Oh, um, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s all in the past now.”
“So… it really did happen?”
“Yes, it really did happen.”
Out of everything I’ve ever said to Ayla, this was the one truth without even a grain of a lie.
I lifted my teacup. The tea slid down my throat, tasting delicate. It was made from premium tea leaves from the East, a gift from the Shadow.
“No matter how you think of it, Ayla, for me… it’s an unforgettable memory.”
“…Is that so?”
Ayla replied softly, almost as if muttering to herself.
Under the warm sunlight streaming through the window, I had my first cup of tea with my first love.