I think that the word “everyday life” can evoke different feelings depending on the person.
For someone who can live without doing anything, and thus spends most of their life enjoying themselves and resting comfortably, the word “everyday life” would likely bring a sense of comfort.
It might evoke images of spending time leisurely under warm sunlight, savoring delicious food or the aroma of fragrant tea.
However, there may be people who feel the exact opposite when they see the word “everyday life.”
If someone struggles to make ends meet, working just to survive each day, and if the work they do requires risking their life, then for someone who does that every day, the word “everyday life” would not be a pleasant one.
Even without thinking about the specific work involved, there are those who fight dangerous criminals, or battle fierce flames.
There are those who must move injured people or take action to ensure that those in danger do not die.
There are those who are hurt because they failed to save someone, who regret their choices, who feel sorrow and despair.
And yet, they get up the next day and head back to work, just as they always have.
For all those people, both those who feel comforted by the word “everyday life” and those who feel anger, despair, and exhaustion, there is one emotion that unites them all when they think of “everyday life.”
Just one.
Familiarity.
No matter how dangerous, sad, depressing, or exhausting something becomes, if it happens every day, it eventually becomes familiar.
The sadness becomes dull.
If anger continues, the emotion fades away until numbness takes over, and fatigue becomes chronic.
It becomes so normal that, over time, one forgets what it means to feel normal.
This is true even in the middle of a battlefield.
Once you get used to eating preserved food and walking on contaminated land, at some point, it becomes strange to enter a regular city with no visible dangers.
For some reason, you begin to feel as though you need to remain vigilant against unseen threats, even in the middle of a city, as though you might get stranded.
What used to be thought of as the “extraordinary” becomes the “ordinary,” and what was once considered “ordinary” feels strange.
Of course, if you eventually return to your original situation and spend time there, you might get used to that “everyday life” again.
You reverse the extraordinary and the ordinary, bringing back the familiarity of what was once ordinary.
…But.
“……..”
The day I was supposed to go to Yoori’s wedding with my sister, in the early hours.
I couldn’t sleep properly.
There are moments in life when something suddenly becomes terrifying, without any logical reason or premonition.
For no apparent reason, the situation itself becomes frightening.
The night roads I used to walk every day feel terrifying for some reason, as though something might jump out at me.
The other rooms in the house feel suddenly scary, and I find myself waiting for daylight.
Old frightening stories from my past resurface in my mind, sending a chill down my spine.
I’m not sure what kind of psychological phenomenon this is, but I’ve experienced it occasionally since childhood.
My mind refuses to stop imagining things, hindering my ability to think rationally.
If I hadn’t had the memories of the battlefield, I probably would have just fallen asleep again without any thought.
I could have closed my eyes and covered myself with the blanket and fallen asleep somehow.
But…………… that wasn’t the case now.
In the battlefield, a moment of carelessness could bring danger.
Ironically, in the battlefield, where logic and calculation are most important for survival, people often become highly emotional.
They get angry or irritated over superstitions, saying, “This can’t happen,” or “That can’t happen,” without being able to explain why.
They can’t give a reason, because there’s no real basis.
And yet, they still follow these superstitions as best as they can.
Emotions can’t just be eliminated.
Sometimes, it’s mentally safer to go along with them rather than trying to fight them.
In the battlefield, fear is expressed as vigilance.
It’s better to think of enemies than to fear ghosts or evil spirits.
Rather than trembling in fear, it’s better to increase your defenses and conduct thorough reconnaissance of your surroundings.
This was an effective method.
It helped me in many ways.
Once I confirmed that there was nothing to fear, I could mentally prepare for any possible enemy.
Converting unfounded fears into real threats was a way of turning illogical feelings into something logical.
……….The problem was that this only worked in the battlefield.
“……..”
With a quiet breath, I opened every door in the house one by one.
Naturally, all I saw beyond them were just the quiet, empty rooms.
The house was large, with three rooms, two dressing rooms, two bathrooms, and even a study.
The living room and kitchen were, of course, much larger than I could have imagined when I was a child.
Outside the window, the lights of passing cars were still shining brightly.
Seoul doesn’t sleep easily, even at night.
In the same apartment, there were still several lights that hadn’t turned off.
So, it’s safe.
To get into this apartment, I had to pass the security guard’s desk.
The elevator doesn’t work without a keycard, and the doors are locked with a deadbolt.
If someone had come in, I would have noticed immediately.
In this world, almost no one knows me.
Of the few people who do, none would want to kill me.
So, there was no one to place the inexplicable fear I was feeling onto.
What would people think if they saw me, holding a kitchen knife, sneaking around my house?
“……..”
Ironically, the reason I stopped this behavior was because about thirty minutes later, the feeling of emptiness—“What am I doing?”—overcame the fear.
I returned to the kitchen and put the knife back where it belonged.
Outside the window, the sun was rising.
I thought about why I was feeling this strange fear, but, as expected, I couldn’t come up with an answer.
In the battlefield, my comrades always followed my lead.
Even when I had irrational fears like this, they followed my orders and took positions, waiting for the enemy.
Everyone knew it was better to face nothing than to encounter the unknown.
Even Arna and Danar never objected, despite the illogical nature of the fear.
Whether it was coincidence or not, sometimes that fear turned out to be right.
“But, not here.”
I spoke to myself.
That’s right.
Not here.
There’s no demon army here.
I don’t need the instinctual fear of a “hero.”
This world isn’t completely peaceful, but at least this space is.
After thinking for a while, the choice I made was to pray.
I knelt beside the bed, resting my elbows on the mattress, and clasped my hands together, closing my eyes.
There was no need for a prayer script.
If you truly have faith, you can call upon the goddess without needing a written prayer.
…In fact, this was a bit of a cheat.
I had already seen the goddess in person, so all I had to do was picture her in my mind.
After all, no religious painting or statue was made without first being seen or imagined.
But, because of that, I was so grateful for this moment.
I felt my heart fill with divine power.
Of course, compared to when I was in the other world, it was a small, almost insignificant feeling.
But the goddess is still there.
She’s watching over me.
Just knowing that was enough to bring comfort.
After finishing my prayer, I considered going back to sleep, but the sun was already rising outside.
“……Well, staying up all night was something I did often back in that world.”
I muttered to myself, then stood up.
First things first, as always—exercise.
I took a walk around the neighborhood and returned, taking a quick shower.
I dried my hair, feeling refreshed, and changed clothes.
…It looks like my bangs are almost at my eyes.
Should I go to the hair salon?
I wish I’d remembered a little earlier that I was going to a wedding today.
After changing into my clothes, I put on my shoes by the front door.
My heart started to race.
The fear I had felt just a short while ago, unable to sleep, already seemed like something that had happened long ago.
Soon, I’ll see my sister’s face.
And I’ll meet Yoori again.
And maybe, I’ll see my mom too.
.….I won’t be able to say “I’m back,” but it’s okay.
It’s okay.
Just being able to meet them is enough to be grateful for.
I decided that was enough.
The first special day in a month-long routine of everyday life.
I was thankful that it wasn’t an extraordinary day ruined by an unpleasant incident.