Chapter 35: Uncontrollable Desire

Her voice, asking him to visit the Topaz Palace, was calm, but there was a tremor within it.

The silence as she waited for Yohan’s response tightened her chest even more.

“Is there something you need to say separately?”

Yohan asked, tilting his head.

It was difficult for him to understand Rudella’s intentions, as there had been no particular reason for it…

“W-well, you risked your life to save me, and I’ve been feeling guilty for not being able to repay you. How about visiting the Topaz Palace?”

Rudella’s voice, which stumbled over her words, gradually became softer.

“Well… that sounds fine. I don’t have anything else to do, other than training.”

As he accepted, Rudella’s face immediately brightened.

She almost wanted to smile widely but managed to restrain herself due to the situation.

“Then, I’ll guide you to the Topaz Palace.”

Rudella quickly turned around.

The ears visible beside her shiny silver hair were flushed red.

“Understood.”

Yohan adjusted his clothes and followed Rudella and her servants.

It was quite a distance from the royal palace to the Topaz Palace where she stayed.

After passing through the grand, golden royal palace, they came upon a large garden.

Lilies were blooming everywhere.

Yohan asked,
“There are a lot of lilies in the garden. Do you like them?”

He had deduced that she liked lilies from the fragrance they gave off when they were together in the cave.

It seemed like a flower that suited her well.

“Yes, I do. I think lilies suit me, with my pure white silver hair.”

Rudella did not look at Yohan during their conversation.

Her heart was still racing, and she couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“…But how did you know I manage the garden?”

“It’s usually the Empress or the Crown Princess who takes care of such things.”

In noble families, it was the lady of the house’s responsibility to manage the garden and the appearance of the estate.

Yohan had been taught that for some reason.

It wasn’t something that mattered much, so he just shrugged it off.

“Hm, yes. Before becoming Crown Princess, I had to take many lessons, and the Empress gave me various tasks. Managing the garden was one of them.”

As Rudella continued the conversation, her trembling stopped.

She was relieved that she didn’t show any strange behavior during their walk, even though her heart was still pounding.

“It must be difficult, dealing with so many official duties and these small tasks as well.”

“It’s not too hard. I’ve been used to such schedules since childhood.”

At Yohan’s concerned tone, a small smile appeared on Rudella’s lips.

She thought for a moment, wondering why she easily accepted his words, but decided not to dwell on it.

She had chosen to enjoy the moment.

“We’ve arrived. This is the Topaz Palace.”

Yohan looked up.

Was it because this was the palace where the Crown Princesses had lived? It was magnificent.

Golden hues and soft crimson tones filled the space, and the intricate floral patterns carved into the arch windows sparkled like jewels in the light.

Around the palace, flowers bloomed everywhere, and the garden was filled with lilies, perhaps because of Rudella’s influence.

The large central fountain sprayed water, gently reflecting the sunlight.

“How do you find the Topaz Palace?”

Rudella asked, glancing back at him to check his expression.

She still couldn’t bring herself to look at him directly, but she wanted to see his reaction.

“It’s amazing. Do you live here all the time?”

“Yes, I do. I’m not the Crown Princess yet, but I will be soon.”

At those words, Rudella paused for a moment.

Her own statement about becoming the Crown Princess soon made her uneasy.

“I see. It’s a beautiful palace, like Lady Bismark’s.”

Yohan smiled gently.

Although his gaze was fixed on the Topaz Palace, Rudella felt her breath catch.

Did he just call it beautiful? The words felt like a dagger, piercing her heart.

She tried to speak but couldn’t find the words.

Her lips moved, but no sound came out.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

Yohan tilted his head, asking.

They were standing in front of the Topaz Palace, staring blankly at each other.

“Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought. Let’s go in.”

Rudella smiled awkwardly and led Yohan into the Topaz Palace.

Though it was strange to have a man brought inside, there was nothing unusual in the eyes of others, as there was the excuse of rewarding someone who had saved her life.

Inside, the luxurious furniture and Topaz decorations showcased the dignity of the Crown Princess.

Further inside were her private rooms, a sitting room, and a study.

The view of the garden from the windows added a peaceful atmosphere.

“Please, have a seat.”

“Yes.”

Yohan was guided to a soft sofa in the sitting room, where the luxurious softness made him feel relaxed.

‘This furniture is quite high quality.’

It wasn’t inferior to the furniture in the Ferbache mansion.

Actually, it would have been strange if it were.

After all, this was the Topaz Palace where the future Crown Princess lived.

“Please, sit comfortably.”

“I am sitting comfortably.”

“Is that so?”

Rudella fidgeted like an anxious puppy, her gaze darting around.

She had brought him here, not knowing when they would meet again, but now that he was here,she didn’t know what to do.

“By the way, it looks like you’re following through on what I said.”

“What do you mean?”

Yohan smiled lightly as he looked around the sitting room.

“Didn’t I tell you to take it easy? It’s fine to take a break, as you’re talking to someone about something.”

“I see… this is how you take it easy.”

Rudella nodded seriously.

She hadn’t understood what he meant at the time, but now she realized.

“If you only focus on work, you’ll get exhausted, and when stress builds up, it leads to illness. You need to manage it to avoid that.”

Rudella smiled faintly at Yohan’s almost scolding words.

She didn’t mind hearing anything from him.

After all, it was all because he was concerned about her.

“I’ll be careful.”

After showing a small smile, Rudella rang a bell placed on the corner of the table in the sitting room.

Her servant immediately entered and bowed.

She asked,
“Is there a tea you prefer?”

“I’ll drink anything, as long as it’s not too sweet.”

“I see.”

Rudella gestured, and the servant quickly left.

Yohan couldn’t help but smile to himself, thinking that this was so like Rudella.

“…Did I say something strange just now?”

“No, it’s just… I thought it was very much like Lady Bismark.”

“Like me…?”

Rudella tilted her head slightly, clearly not understanding his words.

“The formal atmosphere and efficient handling of things. It suits Lady Bismark very well.”

At the mention of a formal atmosphere, Rudella cautiously asked,

“Am I too formal?”

“Well, you wouldn’t call it soft.”

“Hm.”

Perhaps taking that as an insult, Rudella touched her chin and furrowed her brows.

Even that gesture had an air of beauty, causing Yohan to look away.

“It’s not a bad thing. Every person has their strengths and weaknesses.”

“Is that so?”

“That’s right.”

“Hoo.”

Rudella nodded with an expression full of curiosity.

Every time she was with him, she felt a sense of unfamiliarity.

Perhaps it was because she often heard unfamiliar words.

At that moment, there was a knock three times on the drawing room door.

When the door opened, a servant entered, pushing a tea cart.

“I’ll prepare the tea.”

The servant, as if accustomed to it, brewed the tea and placed the steaming cups in front of Rudella and Yohan.

When Rudella gave a slight gesture, the servant quickly understood and left the room.

“It seems the servants know Lady Bismark’s intentions just by looking at her.”

“They’ve spent a long time with the Bismark family.”

Rudella said this and lifted her tea cup, inhaling its fragrance.

The sweet floral scent mixed with the fragrance of lilies that emanated from Rudella, filling the air around Yohan.

“By the way,”

“Yes?”

“Why haven’t you been able to make eye contact with me since earlier?”

Yohan tilted his head in confusion, and Rudella turned her head away entirely.

“Is my face hard to look at?”

“Well, it’s not that…”

Rudella felt as though her emotions were overtaking her, emotions she couldn’t control.

Every time she looked at Yohan’s face, her heart raced wildly, and even his gaze made her emotions swirl.

Longing, desire, restraint, fear.

These four emotions intertwined into a complex feeling, and Rudella absentmindedly sipped her tea.

“I thought you seemed fine before we went to Sanburg.”

“When we were hiding in the cave, you couldn’t make eye contact either.”

Yohan continued speaking, but Rudella merely nodded slightly and didn’t answer.

She couldn’t answer…

Yohan began to think.

‘Could it be?’

As he had said, was Rudella Bismark harboring feelings beyond simple favor for him? It wasn’t impossible, but…

‘This is strange.’

She was supposed to be the future Crown Princess.

That role had been structured for a long time, something solid, something that could never crumble.

But if she were to suddenly harbor feelings beyond just kindness… he found it hard to believe.

It didn’t make sense.

‘If that’s the case, maybe it all started in the cave.’

What had he done? He had merely eased the atmosphere to calm a nervous escort target and gave a little advice out of concern that Rudella Bismark’s life might be ruined.

As always, he didn’t understand women’s hearts…

“It seems like it’s time. I should be going now.”

Yohan checked his wristwatch, deciding that he couldn’t spend more time with Rudella.

He stood up.

“Already leaving? I haven’t even repaid you yet…”

“A cup of tea is enough.”

Yohan gave her a gentle smile.

Rudella swallowed again, her breath caught.

“You don’t need to see me off. I know you’re busy, Lady Bismark. Thank you for today.”

“Wait.”

As he tried to leave, Rudella’s hand reached out to stop him, but it hung in the air.

Yet, like a blade being severed, Yohan quickly left without a word.

Once Yohan left, Rudella sat still in the drawing room for a long time.

The room was calm, and warm light filled the space, but Rudella’s heart beat loudly, as though mocking her.

Her desires and longings had grown to a point where they could no longer be suppressed.

It was a feeling she should not harbor, a desire she should not crave.

‘This is troubling…’

Rudella pressed her hand against her forehead and tightly shut her eyes.

She had only wanted to enjoy a fleeting sweetness with him, but now that brief moment had turned into a lifetime she longed for.

A smile that took her breath away.

Words and actions that made her heart race.

The thoughtfulness that cared for her.

There was nothing about him that she didn’t like.

But that shouldn’t be the case.

He had a lover.

She was supposed to be the Crown Princess.

They couldn’t have a special relationship.

But why was it, then?

Why did she find it impossible to suppress the improper desires rising from the depths of her heart?

Rudella placed her hand over her chest and took a deep breath.

Even so, the smile Yohan had given her earlier lingered in her mind.

That smile had been special, like the soft glow of moonlight, embedding itself in her mind and refusing to fade, even when she closed her eyes.

Yohan’s presence had stirred ripples deep inside her, leaving a great tremor behind.

‘This is difficult…’

Rudella struggled with the feelings she couldn’t control.