The moment passes, and memories fade.
Thus, emotions define any being.
“Haah, haah…”
What emotions did I feel when a warm loaf of bread was offered instead of the kicks and verbal abuse in the back alley?
What emotions arose when someone risked their own life to help me endure the infamous trials of the North?
What did I feel when someone pledged to stand by my side in the imperial palace, a place riddled with schemes and conspiracies?
And what emotions surged when, for the first time, someone recognized my worth amidst the Magicians’ Tower, where everyone else deemed me useless?
Truly, what emotions were those?
[ *…. ]
-Crack.
“It was wrong to think you could charge in recklessly and win. Didn’t you learn how to gauge the difference in power with your opponent?”
“Urgh…!”
‘Could such trivial things—panting breathlessly or having a few bones broken—make me forget?’
No, I dare declare it: those feelings were more precious than my life.
The weight of the emotions I felt that day is incomparable to anything else.
Therefore, to avoid losing them, To deny the death of the one who gave me a reason to live—
-Shhh…
I hid the sharp blades within the shadows.
I infused madness into my giant axe.
I imbued light into the staff of the divine beast.
I scattered the dense poison from a flask into the air.
I did everything as that person had taught me.
I gave it my all.
But…
Simply because the opponent was an Elder Dragon.
Simply because they were the only one who might know the truth of that person’s death.
Because the gap between mortals and their kind was insurmountable—
-BANG!
Even the utmost effort wrung out from my very limits was crushed far too easily.
Even my already shattered body was trampled upon.
“…Shall we end this here? There’s only so much patience I can have for mercy.”
A cold gaze descended beyond the intangible mana that suppressed us.
A stare from someone in absolute superiority.
While our hearts felt like they would burst from the relentless battle, the opponent’s breathing remained steady and unshaken.
The absence of any chance for victory made our vision dim naturally.
But more than anything, the fact that we couldn’t hear the answer we sought—
The failure of our plan turned our dust-covered heads downward.
“…Hmph?”
The dragon’s cold gaze momentarily left us.
Soon, the dragon, who had been rubbing their neck, noticed a slight stain of blood on their hand.
“…Kuh, kuhuhuh…”
The dragon laughed, realizing an unnoticed wound.
Even though it was a small injury, the fact that these mere beings had managed to graze them brought their shoulders trembling with laughter.
-Snap!
With a single snap of their fingers, the overwhelming force suppressing the area was lifted.
What followed was a voice filled with amusement.
“That was a bit of entertainment. As a reward, I’ll spare your lives.”
The mercy granted with a twisted smirk allowed the bodies that had been crushed to slowly rise.
And yet, instead of turning to flee, a question was uttered once more:
“…Is the master alive?”
The voice, persistently clinging, sounded unyieldingly stubborn.
The dragon made a face of annoyance, as if sick of the repetition.
It was only natural, considering these intruders had done nothing but provoke their dear friend.
However…
“I don’t know.”
“…!”
Upon reflection, the dragon decided to give them a sliver of hope.
They decided to test whether these people could truly find the sage who had changed so drastically.
After all, the sage had always been an unpredictable variable for the dragon, both in the past and the future.
There was nothing more amusing to the dragon than the immortal curse-bound sage.
Thus, the dragon resolved to observe closely the spectacle of these fledglings chasing after the sage.
Watching the noblewoman-turned-sage struggle to hide her identity from her disciples would surely be an entertainment unlike any other.
“To be honest, I don’t even know what happened to that person. All I know is the pathetic will he left behind, asking me to look after you.”
Of course, the dragon had no intention of giving up someone they had hidden so carefully.
‘Why should they reveal the truth that the one thought dead was currently sipping hot cocoa in a bathrobe?’
The endings of stories are better when delayed—
The longer they wait, the more flavorful they become.
Let these fledglings’ minds and emotions wither away.
Let them endlessly regret their failures, cursing themselves over and over.
“…I must meet the divine beast.”
“I can’t accept it… There’s no way the master would die like this…”
“…I’ll find him. No matter what.”
The dragon hoped the sage, now living as a noblewoman, would worry about these fools even in her dreams.
This was the dragon’s personal revenge as a friend of the sage—
A final opportunity given to these foolish latecomers.
Eventually, the intruders scattered in different directions, leaving the vast lair to settle back into silence.
The only sound remaining was the howling blizzard outside.
“You won’t find him anytime soon. Perhaps, not even before your last breath.”
The dragon laughed, already imagining the chaos that would soon unfold.
The sight of the sage living as a noblewoman, paired with the maniacal obsession of these troublemakers, would make for a delightful spectacle.
***
“This is why I like you, Asher…”
“Lady Letter, I-I love you!”
“…I’m sorry.”
The reflection of a girl’s face in the nearby lake revealed an awkward expression.
In stark contrast, the boy beside her looked as though his world had just crumbled.
The issue was that the awkward-faced girl was me.
And the bigger problem?
There was a significant age difference of at least ** years between us.
Even if I looked young outwardly, the fact remained: I couldn’t possibly accept the confession of a boy young enough to be my child.
‘Though it doesn’t look like there’s much of an age difference…’
More importantly, ever since I became like this, I haven’t felt any romantic feelings.
To be fair, even before, I had never truly fallen in love.
But now, it feels physically impossible.
If I dated a woman, I’d be socially ruined.
If I dated a man, I’d be emotionally ruined.
As Letter Yurt, the name I now lived under, love was simply not an option.
‘Is this what they mean by the disconnect between mind and body?’
Before me, all I could feel at the sight of the bouquet was discomfort.
Regardless, there was no point in crushing the heart of a boy likely in the throes of adolescence.
“Adrian, I’m sure you’ll meet someone much better than me.”
“T-that’s…!”
“Thank you for the bouquet. I’ll treasure it as a token of your feelings.”
I rejected him as gently as I could with a soft, composed voice.
I even mimicked the refined speech of a noblewoman, as I had been taught in the past, so it probably didn’t sound too strange.
Truthfully, it was a little embarrassing, but thanks to the age gap, it wasn’t unbearable.
It felt similar to when I gently turned down Rita’s confession long ago.
It wasn’t a firm rejection of a man’s confession—it was more like soothing a child.
The proof of that was my hand, now unconsciously patting the boy’s back.
“Letter!”
A familiar voice called out shortly after.
A girl around the same age as the boy walked briskly toward me, her tone friendly.
But if she discovered what had just happened, it would spell trouble for both me and the boy.
“What were you doing here?”
“Well, Adrian gave me these lovely flowers as a gift. I was just pondering what I could offer in return. Isn’t that right, Adrian?”
I tried to wrap up the boy’s heartbreak in a neat package and subtly urged him to go along with my explanation.
But…
“I… I can’t give up on you, my lady!!”
-Tap tap tap!
The boy’s response was a final outburst of defiance, followed by him bolting away.
…He’s still just a kid, after all.
“What does he mean he can’t give up? What’s that about?”
“I… I’m not sure either.”
I put on another awkward smile as I spoke, lightly taking the hand of the girl standing beside me.
No, to be precise, it was the hand of Isabelle Yurt, Letter Yurt’s half-sister.
I gently led her out of the garden.
‘Nothing good comes from letting her find out I was confessed to.’
Unlike me, whose mind and body were completely out of sync, Isabelle was exactly as she appeared—a young girl.
If she found out I had been confessed to, she’d undoubtedly spend the whole day talking about romance.
And eventually, she’d spread the story to the mansion’s staff, who would then carry it to others.
‘Confessed to, by someone ** years younger than you… hahaha…’
In the end, the story would likely reach Orphion, the sponsor of the Yurt family—and that wretched lizard.
For now, I needed to shift the topic to something more like the wild rumors floating around the continent.
“Have you heard, Isabelle? Men around Father’s age are being summoned to the imperial palace.”
“What? Really? Why?”
“Apparently, the princess has a preference for older men. Middle-aged, you know, that sort of thing.”
“Oh my…”
Isabelle covered her mouth with her feathered fan, her surprise as elegant as one would expect from a noblewoman.
Thanks to that, I felt confident my diversion had worked.
-Rustle.
-Footsteps.
-Footsteps.
“This is all your fault, Letter.”
Someone—or rather, a dragon—suddenly appeared in the air before me, blocking my path.
“Isabelle, could you excuse us for a moment? I need to speak with Letter privately.”
“Oh, y-yes!”
Isabelle quickly scurried away, seemingly frightened by the dragon’s sudden appearance.
Of course, I was more concerned about verifying what the dragon had just said.
So, I asked the seemingly unscathed lizard what exactly was my fault.
“Exactly what I said. To find you, Asher, they’re summoning every human of a similar age to the imperial palace.”
The shocking truth hit me like a thunderclap—the rumors circulating the continent weren’t just baseless gossip.
Even the stories about the princess losing her mind were apparently true.
“Of course, it’s a pointless effort. What the princess really needs to find is someone like this.”
“…Why are you grabbing my chin all of a sudden?”
“Oh, just wondering if this is the kind of face Adrian would like.”
“You overheard everything, didn’t you.”
“Yep.”
I felt like I was going to lose my mind.
‘Why is it that nothing ever stays peaceful for even a day when Orphion is around?’
“Even the divine beast couldn’t stand by any longer. It seems they made the princess have a prophetic dream.”
“What? A prophetic dream?”
“Probably exactly the kind of dream you’re imagining. So, let’s get you hidden.”
What the dragon handed me next was a letter of recommendation.
The document bore the emblem of a renowned academy on the continent.
“Not even the princess would dare meddle with Primus Academy.”
“…You’re making me a student now?”
“Look closely. It says professor, not student.”
‘What professor could possibly teach a sage?’
Still wearing that faint, infuriating smile, Orphion urged me to prepare.
“You leave tomorrow.”
“Wait a minute. You want me to teach students?”
“Any problem with that?”
“…You know what happened to the ones I raised.”
“Don’t worry. This time, it’s purely theoretical education.”
The last thing I heard before the dragon disappeared was a warning that staying here any longer would risk being caught.
In other words, I had no choice.
‘…Why does my life always feel like a never-ending series of crises?’