Chapter 3 : Are You Embarrassed by Intimacy?

How could each word be so perplexing? Usher wanted to cover his ears, but he couldn’t escape this situation so easily.

He woke up to find himself in someone else’s body—not just anybody, but that of his master, the very person he was supposed to serve starting today.

He tried to muster a stern tone, though the gentleness of Bersia’s voice somewhat undercuts his authority.

“Alright, Saint, enough of this talk. We need to have a serious discussion!”

“Yes, a plan. Well…”

“Do you have any idea what might have caused this?”

Bersia shrugged with an innocent expression, and Usher’s face fell.

‘If that’s the case, is this really my fault?’

While he’d never imagined his prayer would lead to this, the only cause he could pinpoint was the prayer he made the night before, and the resulting message he’d heard: “It shall be granted.”

Usher wasn’t shameless enough to conceal this fact. More importantly, he believed they needed to share as much information as possible.

He sighed deeply, then braced himself to admit something embarrassing.

“Well, I… I have an idea…”

“Really?”

“Yes, that is…!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, stammering as he began.

It wasn’t easy. Admitting something like, “I prayed for your struggles to reach me first, so we could stay connected,” feels challenging, especially with the person present. Viewed from another angle, it could be seen as a heartfelt confession.

Not in a romantic sense, of course, and if there were any misunderstanding, Usher was prepared to clarify.

“So… that’s why this happened! I’m sorry!”

After finishing his explanation, Usher slowly opened his eyes, only to be met with an unexpected reaction.

“Wow.”

“…Saint…”

Bersia stifled a laugh, her mouth covered by her hand, though the curve of her lips was still visible.

Usher felt annoyed as he noticed her amusement. Sensing his mood, Bersia quickly changed the subject.

Thankfully, her playful demeanor subsided.

“So that’s it. A prayer, hmm…”

She muttered almost to herself.

“It’s not like a prayer would be answered that easily, but I suppose we’ll find out in time…”

She rested her chin on one hand, drumming her fingers on the table as she gazed into the air thoughtfully. After a long moment of contemplation, she spoke again.

“Well, we can’t know for sure right now. So shall we focus on a plan, as you suggested? What do you propose?”

“Hiding it would be the best approach, wouldn’t it?”

Usher’s tone was eager.

He felt that, at last, they were having a productive conversation.

“Respectfully, we should clear your schedule of unnecessary engagements. For unavoidable relationships, let’s share key information to help manage them. For example…”

“Yes? Go on.”

“The woman with the short, dark-brown hair who came to wake me up—well, to wake you up—this morning. Could you tell me her name? I’m not sure how to interact with her…”

“Oh, that’s Darin. She’s my attendant. As for how to deal with her…”

Bersia readily shared several details, and Usher listened carefully. At one point, he realized something significant.

‘Is she drawing a line with others?’

Bersia instructed him to be firm and professional with Darin, using a faint smile for the visiting cardinals instead of words. She advised ignoring the other saints or keeping conversations strictly work-related, reflecting her standard approach.

It felt a bit distant.

The Bersia he knew was a woman who showed kindness to everyone.

Perhaps noticing his expression, Bersia asked gently, “Are you disappointed?”

“N-No!”

Usher’s head shot up, his gaze earnest as he looked at her, silently pleading for her to understand his sincerity.

Yet Bersia’s expression remained curiously quiet, almost as if she were testing him.

Usher repeated himself, “It’s not that! Really! I just… I thought maybe you might feel lonely… Oh, I’m sorry! That was inappropriate of me!”

Startled, Usher clamped a hand over his mouth and bowed his head. He didn’t notice the glint that briefly appeared in Bersia’s eyes.

After a short silence, Bersia spoke.

“Lonely, you say…”

“I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s an interesting perspective. But now it’s my turn, isn’t it? I’d like to know what I should be careful about.”

Usher looked up, his earlier misstep still on his mind, but Bersia’s gentle tone and bright smile reassured him.

“Ah, yes…”

He paused to calm himself and think about her question.

“…There’s someone named Marvin.”

“A friend?”

“To me.”

“Should I be cautious around him?”

It was complicated. This same friend had criticized Bersia the night before, and Marvin’s remark, “She might have a dark side,” had been surprisingly accurate.

But putting that aside…

‘It wouldn’t be right for him to speak ill of the Saint.’

Usher acknowledged the difference between direct and indirect criticism. He asserted that Marvin, despite any negative comments, was a caring friend, urging Bersia to disregard anything unfavorable he might say.

Bersia nodded in understanding.

“Mm, sounds like you have a good friend.”

She didn’t seem particularly bothered by the topic, which moved Usher deeply.

‘She truly is compassionate!’

Not only had she forgiven him for his blunders, but she also showed leniency toward Marvin, demonstrating her generous nature.

‘She really isn’t a bad person!’

Strengthening his conviction, he thought their conversation about strategy was now over.

But then Bersia added, “By the way, I have one more question.”

“Yes! Please, ask anything!”

“Your friend Marvin, he won’t talk only about me, will he? How should I react to more personal topics?”

“Well, that would…”

“Couldn’t I just dodge that question?” Usher muttered, tilting his head in confusion.

Bersia leaned forward, her expression suddenly serious. Usher instinctively mirrored her solemnity.

“What do you mean… something you heard?”

Did Marvin say something unflattering about her? Or perhaps… was she afraid of men?

Thunk!

The thought hit him like a blow to the back of the head.

Of course! He’d never seen Bersia with any sort of bodyguard before! This was only happening now because Sir Whale, the Knight Commander, had reluctantly agreed to Usher’s insistence.

‘A fear of men! Yes, that must be it!’

Just as he settled on this theory, Bersia’s next words shattered it.

“Why, is it common for you men to shout ‘I want to have sex!’ into the air at every opportunity? Should I start asking whom you’d prefer to do it with?”

“W-Wait! I don’t do that! I’d never!”

Usher jumped up, his face burning with embarrassment. He felt mortified and unexpectedly betrayed for worrying about her needlessly.

Bersia blinked at him, unfazed. “Oh, my, that startled me.”

“Saint! Are you serious right now?”

“What’s wrong? Why the sudden outburst?”

“This is… this is just too much!”

“What exactly is too much?” Bersia tilted her head.

Usher let out a hollow laugh. “Ah,” he thought, “there’s something wrong with this person’s way of thinking!”

He felt a responsibility to correct her flawed perspective. After all, if he didn’t address it now, wouldn’t his own reputation be jeopardized by Bersia’s inappropriate behavior?

“Listen well, Saint! You may not notice, since you don’t usually have deep conversations with others, but sexual topics can make people uncomfortable! It’s embarrassing, alright?”

Fortunately, this was her private garden—no one could approach without her permission.

Usher then launched into a lengthy lecture on why conversations about intimacy were embarrassing, going on for at least ten minutes. He finally concluded with a firm statement.

“No more vulgar talk! No more even thinking about it! And stop touching my… my… that area! It’s humiliating!”

Panting, Usher glared at her with arms crossed, his expression stern and unyielding.

Bersia, however, simply rested her chin on her hand, a mildly displeased expression on her face. She didn’t look the least bit intimidated, and Usher began to worry.

‘Did I push her too hard?’

After all, using such a forceful tone toward his superior might have been disrespectful.

But Bersia was not someone who followed conventional standards.

“Sir Knight, are you embarrassed by intimacy?”

“…???”

“Isn’t it a topic to take pride in?”

“W-What are you saying?! Of course it’s embarrassing!”

Had she not been listening at all? Usher stared at her, dumbfounded, only to receive an unsettling response.

“I see.”

A shiver ran down his spine as Bersia looked at him, her gaze filled with pity.

Usher sensed something was wrong, a creeping dread settling in. A chill struck him, and he firmly opened his mouth to take back his words.

But Bersia was faster.

“Are you ashamed of the natural order of man and woman, love and birth, as created by the Father? Do you reject the endless cycle of creation yet still claim to be devout?”

Crack—

Usher froze. His eyes trembled as if shaken by an earthquake, and his voice came out in a whisper.

“…What?”

He wanted to argue back, but his mouth only opened and closed in silence. There was no room for him to counter her words.

His blood ran cold.

Bersia drove the point home with a crooked smile. “Oh, I understand. It’s alright to be embarrassed. Still…”

She tilted her head, her smile soft yet sharp.

“…your faith is narrow-minded, Sir Knight.”

Thunk—

A figurative nail had just been hammered into Usher’s heart. Feeling as if his very beliefs had been invalidated by his idol, he collapsed onto the ground, pale and drained.

Bersia rose and patted him on the shoulder with a refreshingly satisfied smile.

“Oh, look, the sun is setting. Let’s call it a day, shall we? Take some time to reconsider your faith. Sleep well tonight. Farewell for now.”

Usher stared for a long time at the spot where Bersia had vanished.

Narrow-minded faith.

Those words had pulled him into a mental quagmire. It wasn’t until he lay in bed that night that he finally thought of a rebuttal.

“Wait, no! Love and lust aren’t the same! A birth without love isn’t beautiful—that’s absurd!”

Why did rebuttals always come just before sleep?

Frustrated, Usher punched his pillow in indignation.

Thus ended the first day after the incident.