“Linashita, please wake up.”
The sound of rain tapping against the window interrupted Eirene’s sleep as Igon urgently shook her awake.
“Ugh…”
As Eirene slowly opened her eyes, Igon’s serious expression came into focus.
“What’s going on?”
“It seems we have to leave immediately.”
“What?”
“I heard something alarming at the cathedral today.”
Igon’s explanation went as follows:
The rebel soldiers were planning to conduct an exhaustive search of every house in the outskirts soon.
While the current turmoil within the imperial city had delayed proper search operations, it appeared they were gearing up to hunt down escaped prisoners in earnest.
‘Searching for prisoners…’
Surely, that included looking for the missing emperor.
“In short, we must leave this castle as soon as possible. This way—”
“Wait.”
Eirene interrupted and pushed away Igon’s outstretched hand.
“Linashita…?!”
“It’s just…”
Of all moments, now, at this very second, a rule that had shackled her throughout her life surfaced in her mind.
‘Never trust anyone easily.’
The imperial path Eirene had walked was one of deceit and betrayal.
She wasn’t a ruler supported by legitimacy or allies; she had only inherited the throne due to the sudden death of her predecessor, with no real foundation of her own.
Most of her retainers refused to acknowledge her as a legitimate ruler.
Many openly attached themselves to the young princes and princesses, building their own factions.
When she first ascended the throne, she had foolishly fallen for their tricks.
There had been times when she was so humiliated by the nobility’s cunning manipulation that she didn’t seem fit to bear the title of emperor.
From then on, she resolved to change.
She killed the naive dreams of the young girl who once spent her days in tea parties within the gilded cage of the imperial palace.
She carried out a series of purges—never spilling blood without cause, but showing no mercy to those who sought her life.
Her purpose was singular: to strengthen the imperial authority so that her successor, the First Princess, could rule in relative stability.
But things had never been peaceful.
A saint had risen within the religious order, external magic grew stronger, and monsters were rearing their heads again.
Such instability always threatened the Einsberg Empire’s survival, leaving it vulnerable to being replaced by a new dynasty.
She refused to go down in history as the emperor who destroyed the empire during her reign. With that sole purpose, she doubted and scrutinized everyone.
And just when she thought she was finally reaping the fruits of her efforts, a rebellion broke out.
Betrayed by the general she trusted and a nephew she raised, her situation devolved into hiding and relying on others for survival.
Could she trust this man and leave with him under these circumstances?
‘What if his kindness until now was all an act to sell me out, knowing I’m the emperor? Or…’
“Linashita?”
Eirene hesitated. She was not an unreasonable person. She understood that telling someone who had helped her so far, “I can’t trust you, so I won’t follow you,” would be nothing short of childish.
Sure, a youthful and vivacious woman might get away with such whims.
But wasn’t it laughable? For a 36-year-old woman to act spoiled in front of a man?
Moreover, he was likely younger than her. Regardless of rank, she simply couldn’t bring herself to share her true feelings.
Especially with a man who had started to intrigue her.
‘What am I doing?’
Her body trembled as a realization dawned on her: she couldn’t say anything.
She couldn’t tell him she trusted him, nor could she admit she didn’t.
Igon, after a long pause, finally acted.
“Oh…!”
He grabbed her trembling hands.
“You’re doubting me, aren’t you?”
Startled, Eirene looked up at him, her eyes wide.
His gaze was warm—not reproachful. It was a look that gently brushed over her doubts.
“People who have been hurt deeply often struggle to trust others,” he said softly. “You told me on the first day, didn’t you? That you don’t trust people. Isn’t it because you’ve been hurt before and were trying to protect yourself?”
“Igon … I…”
“But still—”
‘Trusting someone isn’t a sin.’
“That’s why, if there’s a part of you that feels like you could trust someone, even just once, I think it’s okay to take that chance.”
“We’re human, after all. We’re meant to rely on and believe in one another.”
“Maybe you’ll be betrayed again. But if fear stops you from trying, wouldn’t it be a shame to miss the chance to find someone you can truly trust?”
Eirene stared at him quietly.
Thump, thump.
Was her pounding heart due to the urgency of their escape or something else entirely?
“Come on.”
Igon extended his hand to her again.
“Trust me this time. I’ll show you that trusting people—and perhaps something greater—isn’t a bad way to live.”
Eirene hesitated but eventually placed her hand in his.
***
The rain fell lightly in the darkened alleys behind the castle of Igorden.
The two ran hand in hand through the shadows.
“This way,” said Igon.
“A… carriage?”
“Please step inside and change into these clothes.”
Eirene entered the storage compartment of the carriage.
As he said, there was an outfit—a nun’s habit of the Igorden faith.
‘To leave the castle safely, I should definitely disguise myself.’
She untied her hair, allowing her bright yellow locks to cascade down to her chest.
After removing her current clothes, she carefully donned the habit.
‘It’s a bit tight.’
The clothes seemed on the verge of bursting, but she managed to fit into them somehow.
The habit exposed the sides of her chest in an almost ridiculous manner.
She thought, ‘Maybe these gaps are the only reason the fabric hasn’t torn yet.’
People always said the larger the chest, the higher the divine power, but she couldn’t see what was so great about it.
‘It’s just heavy and uncomfortable.’
At that moment, another thought crossed her mind.
‘What would Igon think about this?’
Suddenly, an impudent thought popped into her head.
‘It’s not weird. The people of the Igorden faith are known to admire large chests.
Even when we first met, he complimented mine…’
‘What are you thinking, Eirene?!’
Eirene slapped her own cheeks with both hands.
‘Why am I having such useless thoughts in a situation where we need to escape right away?’
After donning the black veil of a nun, she stepped out of the storage compartment.
“…Wow.”
“Huh?”
Igon turned his head away, avoiding her gaze.
Eirene worried that something might be wrong, but—
“Ah, no. I’m sorry. It’s just… you look so beautiful.”
Eirene immediately whipped her head to the side and said, “Stop spouting nonsense. Even if you’ve been… complimenting me lately…”
“It’s not flattery! I mean it. But… you’re right, now isn’t the time to talk about this.”
Blushing slightly, he reached out his hand again, and Eirene placed hers in his.
Thump, thump.
The sound of rain grew louder and more intense.
Although the rain soaked her, she felt relieved—it might conceal the sound of her pounding heart.
They walked hand in hand to the castle gate.
***
The guard greeted them with a bored expression.
“Where are you headed?”
“We’re on our way to Saint Eigerdon Monastery.”
“Ah, Igon, it’s you. And this person…?”
The guard looked Eirene over, noting her nun’s habit.
Though the situation was tense, Eirene didn’t feel uneasy, perhaps because Igon was by her side.
Instead, she calmly closed her eyes and greeted the guard.
“Hello.”
“A nun I haven’t seen before.”
“She’s a new devotee who recently decided to follow the divine path,” Igon explained.
The guard nodded without further questioning.
“Alright then. If it’s you, Father, there shouldn’t be any problems. Go ahead.”
Igon bowed in gratitude.
“Thank you. This way.”
He led Eirene by the hand as they walked further.
The rain grew heavier, and when she glanced back, the castle of Igorden was now a distant silhouette.
Eirene, who once viewed life from atop the castle’s tower, was now fleeing as a deposed empress, looking up at the castle she had left behind.
“Be careful, Linashita. It’s slippery in this rain,” Igon said gently.
Strangely, just having him nearby filled her with optimism. ‘Somehow, things will work out.’
At least they had made it out of the castle.
Once they reached the monastery, she could assess the situation with her retainers in other territories.
Though she thought about traveling directly to them, she couldn’t be sure which retainers had sided with the rebellion.
For now, caution was necessary.
Squelch, squelch.
“We have to climb uphill. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.”
The rain poured heavily, but she remembered wandering here and there in her youth.
She took a step forward, confident in her abilities.
But just minutes later—
“Ah!”
“Linashita!”
She stumbled over a stone and twisted her ankle.
Even if she had been active in her youth, she was no longer a young girl.
Her ankle was already swelling visibly.
Igon knelt and inspected her injury with a concerned expression.
“It’s not too severe, but… can you walk?”
“I can walk.”
“Are you sure?”
Eirene stood and attempted a few steps but winced and collapsed back down.
She felt utterly humiliated, soaked to the bone and unable to even walk properly.
Then, Igon, who had been examining her injury, turned his back to her and crouched.
“Linashita, please get on. I’ll carry you.”
The rain poured relentlessly, drenching them both.
Eirene hadn’t intended to be carried.
She didn’t want to burden Igon unnecessarily in this weather.
Thump, thump, thump.
Her chest pressed against his broad back.
She wasn’t embarrassed about the physical closeness; she was more worried about him hearing her pounding heart.
‘What should I do? If he hears it, what will he think of me?’
To calm herself, she forced out a question.
“Am I not heavy?”
“No, not at all.”
Igon was unlike anyone she had ever known.
Tall, broad-shouldered, and strong, he embodied a presence distinctly masculine.
For the first time, she became acutely aware of the differences between men and women.
The sound of rain hitting the leaves surrounded them as they climbed the hill.
“Igon,” she suddenly said.
“Yes?”
“What should one do when no one believes in them? How does one learn to trust others?”
For the first time, Eirene voiced the thoughts she had always kept hidden.
She had always shielded herself from vulnerability, but now, her words spilled out.
“When you trust someone, they betray you. In my world, trusting someone was a sign of weakness. Those who trusted others were crushed by that trust, leaving no one behind.”
She spoke with an almost resigned air.
“Naturally, no one trusted me either. I preferred it that way. It was exhausting to have someone trust me when I couldn’t return it. But now… now, I don’t know how to trust someone, or how to make someone trust me. That’s why I couldn’t answer you earlier.”
She wasn’t expecting an answer. She just wanted to let it out, especially after he had said that humans must rely on each other. For once, she thought, ‘Maybe I can lean on him. He doesn’t know I’m the empress, so perhaps…’
“When no one trusts me, how can I find a way to trust someone else?”
Igon didn’t dismiss her words but instead took them seriously, pondering her question.
Every time he adjusted his position, she caught the faint scent of him—a scent that felt distinctly male.
Finally, he answered.
“I don’t know either.”
“What?”
“How to trust others, or how to make someone trust me—I’m not sure.”
He turned his head slightly, offering her a smile as radiant as starlight.
“That’s why… why don’t we figure it out together?”
“What?”
“Let’s learn together. How to trust and be trusted.”
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump.
Her heart raced, louder than the rain.
She couldn’t hear his voice or even her own thoughts anymore.
Everything was consumed by the sound of her heartbeat.
She felt something new, an overwhelming sensation, as her body trembled with the realization.
Eirene von Einsberg, at thirty-six years of age, had finally discovered what it meant to know a man.