Time had quickly slipped into late night.
Rudella laid down on the flat ground, spreading the foliage that Yohan had rescued.
She needed to sleep well while she could, not knowing what would happen next.
Yohan, dressed in a dry uniform, was lying across from Rudella with his eyes closed.
She couldn’t let her guard down, not knowing when the shadows of the Crown Prince would find them.
The stillness of the cave echoed.
Crackle, crackle.
The sound of the campfire crackling filled the air.
Pitter-patter.
Outside, heavy raindrops pounded against the ground.
An awkward atmosphere lingered, making time feel as if it were dragging on.
Was it just her imagination?
Feeling stifled, Yohan got up to get some fresh air at the cave entrance.
“…Where are you going?”
At that, Rudella, who had been lying with her back turned, sat up and called out to Yohan.
The light caught her sky-blue eyes, making them shimmer.
“I was just going to get some air at the entrance.”
“…I see.”
“Did I wake you?”
“Not really.”
Rudella shook her head.
Her face was full of fatigue, yet she possessed a chilling beauty.
“I just couldn’t sleep.”
“It seems the sleeping arrangement is uncomfortable for you.”
“That may be true…”
She seemed to have something she wanted to say, but Rudella just fiddled with her fingers and didn’t speak.
Yohan watched her for a moment before moving again.
As he approached the cave entrance, the sound of the rain grew louder.
Whoosh—
The cold wind tickled his skin.
The awkwardness that came with sleep drifted away.
“Are you okay not sleeping?”
Rustle.
Rudella had completely risen from the foliage and approached Yohan.
She sat down across from him, hugging her knees and tilting her head slightly.
“I need to keep watch over Lady Bismark. If I fall asleep, there will be no one to guard us, and we could be in danger.”
“To me, you seem fine…”
“That’s precisely the point. Those specialized in assassination and pursuit are targeting us.”
Yohan met Rudella’s gaze.
Her expression was blurry, as if she could fall asleep at any moment.
“They are probably still tracking us, even in this situation. It may be difficult to find traces in this heavy rain, but we cannot let our guard down. If we relax, we’ll end up being caught.”
Though it was just a guess, it was the Crown Prince’s shadow organization made up of first-class assassins.
Doubt and vigilance were essential.
“…I see.”
“Exactly.”
Whoosh—
The rain fell.
The white noise tickled his ears.
An odd atmosphere seemed to brush against their shoulders.
“Do you know who is behind this incident?”
Suddenly, Rudella broached a sensitive subject.
It was a topic Yohan had deliberately avoided.
But since it had come from her, they might as well talk about it.
“I know.”
“Who do you think it is?”
At Rudella’s probing question, Yohan looked outside the cave.
“I believe Lady Bismark would know better.”
Yohan had noticed that she, who always considered political interests and supported the Crown Prince both materially and immaterially, could not be unaware of the identity of the person behind this incident.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Lady Bismark must have many things she knows.”
Yohan turned to look at Rudella.
He could see her expression darken as she concealed her feelings.
“Are you pretending not to know, or do you genuinely not know?”
“No. Let me guess. You’re just pretending not to know while closing your eyes, right?”
At Yohan’s serious gaze, Rudella couldn’t hold back her laughter and let out a small smile.
It was a hollow laugh.
“You’re quite perceptive.”
“It’s strange not to know.”
Rudella nodded slowly.
“That’s right. I know who the culprit is. It’s probably the person you’re thinking of. A figure so feared that I cannot even speak their name without trepidation.”
She too was aware that this was instigated by the Crown Prince.
“Is Lady Bismark alright?”
“What do you mean?”
“Surely you know what I’m talking about?”
If it was Rudella Bismark, she would likely know about the crimes committed by the Crown Prince.
If she secured evidence, she could bring him down at any time.
Of course, it wouldn’t be easy, given how many families were involved.
“I am a Bismark.”
Rudella looked out of the cave as she spoke.
Whoosh.
The rain showed no signs of stopping.
“I was born for the Bismark family and have lived for the Bismark family. That family aims for the prosperity of the Empire by supporting His Highness the Crown Prince.”
The House of Bismark.
A family known as the head of the Crown Prince’s faction.
“This is the only path for me. Even if there are things that I do not like, I can only suppress them in my heart. There is nothing for Rudella Bismark.”
Yohan remained silent, quietly listening to her words.
Though they hadn’t known each other long, it was the first time Rudella had shared her story with him directly.
“Since my childhood, when I began to understand thought, my engagement was already decided. From that moment, my life was determined, and I could only do my best.”
While everything existed in Rudella’s life, she herself did not.
“If His Highness the Crown Prince tries to kill me, I can only die. For now, I survived thanks to you, but I will reach that end someday.”
“What do you mean…”
Yohan’s mouth fell slightly open.
This person was considerably broken.
Like the gears of a wind-up toy that had slipped out of alignment.
“My feelings don’t matter. I simply follow the orders of the Bismark family and serve to ensure that His Highness does not go astray. That is my reason for being born and my reason for living.”
Upon hearing her words, Yohan understood why Rudella’s character in the story displayed such an indifference to murder.
She merely swallowed her grievances.
The feelings she could not express remained buried deep in her heart, stacking up until they eventually became a heavy stone.
The feelings that couldn’t be released festered, casting darkness in a corner of her heart, and ultimately, only the bitterness of resentment remained.
If this continued, she would become a hell unto herself.
It would only grow deeper to become the hell of those who interfered with her role.
Yohan unknowingly clenched his fist tightly.
An emotion that couldn’t be articulated seized his entire being.
Was it anger, sadness, or sympathy?
“Feelings that cannot be expressed in words tend to manifest in action. Just like how you are now.”
Only after hearing Rudella’s words did Yohan realize what state he was in.
He gritted his teeth, gripping his fist tightly.
It wasn’t merely an act born out of her frustration.
It must have been an unknown feeling—a mix of sympathy, anger, and sadness that lacked a noun.
“I’m fine. I’ve been like this from the beginning. I desire something, but I already know that I cannot attain it.”
Rudella smiled faintly.
Her hazy smile revealed everything.
She must have given up long ago.
“…May I say something presumptuous?”
“What do you mean?”
“If it were me, I wouldn’t have lived like that.”
At those words, Rudella took a short breath.
It felt as though Yohan’s gaze had penetrated deep within her.
“Rudella Bismark. You have the ability to be independent. You graduated at the top of your class in social studies and have handled various tasks. You could have left the shadow of the Bismark family at any time.”
Those words quietly tapped at her heart, which had been frozen for so long.
“Of course, I know it’s not easy. With the family’s affairs and many connections, it would be difficult to even attempt it. However, if you’re to the point of disappearing, you must have tried something.”
Living a life where you feel like you don’t exist, like Rudella, is hell.
If that happens, you too will become hell.
“If you continue to compromise, before you know it, you’ll lose the ground beneath your feet. It’s like walking through a fog of poison. Gradually, you become addicted to that fog. By the time you come to your senses, you’ll have already reached a point where you can’t escape.”
If you keep holding in your feelings, they rot and turn black.
They become so dark that they spread throughout your body, even turning your blood black.
“If you live a life of giving in and compromising, one day, you will lose the foundation you stand on. I hope, Rudella Bismark, that you don’t lose yourself.”
Swoosh—
The rain continued to pour.
Soft moonlight seeped into the cave entrance, gently illuminating Rudella’s hair.
Her silvery hair flowed like waves, blending with the moonlight.
On a night when the rain would not cease.
But strangely, the storm in her heart seemed to be gradually calming.
“…That was presumptuous of me. I’m sorry. But I really wanted to say it. No, I had to say it for your sake.”
Yohan apologized but spoke without hesitation.
Those words were not merely comfort.
They were a call to choose her own life.
“That really was presumptuous. You’re the second person to comment on my life since the Crown Prince.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. That much is okay. You saved my life after all.”
Unable to suppress a smile, Rudella turned her gaze outside the cave.
Swoosh—
The rain fell.
“Is that so? Was it something I had to say for myself?”
A strange excitement blossomed in a corner of Rudella’s heart.
That emotion was unfamiliar, but it felt like a small warmth enjoyed by someone who was starved for feelings.
“How many people have told me such things? Simple words spoken just for me. I’ve never heard anything like this from my parents, and yet I hear it from you.”
Rudella’s fingertips unconsciously brushed against her wrist.
A strange tingling filled her heart.
It felt as if something that had been stiff for a long time was beginning to loosen.
How many people have told her to live for herself during her twenty years of life?
None.
Even her parents had urged her to fulfill her duties as a member of the Bismark family, and the Emperor had told her to live for the Crown Prince.
Rudella had no life.
By giving in, compromising, and yielding, she had lost the foundation she could stand on.
Though Yohan’s words were clearly presumptuous, Rudella couldn’t argue against them.
Everything he said was true.
She could have escaped the shadows.
She could have broken off her engagement with the Crown Prince.
But the reason she didn’t was clear.
Because it meant her role would disappear.
She worried that it would mean her own disappearance.
Rudella quietly gazed at Yohan’s face.
There was a strangely sincere warmth even in his coldness.
An unknown warmth brushed past in his deep blue eyes.
She paused as she looked deeper into Yohan.
She found herself wanting to gaze at his eyes for longer.
In her flustered state, she lowered her gaze.
It felt as if a small ember was igniting in her chest.
An unfamiliar yet sweet confusion swirled within her heart.
Rudella clasped her hands lightly on her knees.
The cold emotions she had maintained began to melt away.
Swoosh—
The rain fell.
Rudella quietly sat across from Yohan, appreciating the falling raindrops.
His words echoed in her heart, creating small ripples.
Those ripples seeped deeper and deeper, gently softening her hardened heart.
‘If only I had someone like this by my side.’
The fleeting thought that arose in her mind quietly settled within her.
And that thought gradually transformed into a small hope, taking root in a corner of her heart.
Swoosh—
The rain continued to pour.
But for some reason, she no longer felt the coldness of the raindrops.