The three humans from Arkenia.
Leopoldus, along with the bigwigs of the Royalist faction.
Their return home was postponed until tomorrow.
It was I who suggested it.
“I’ll teleport you back when you leave.”
“I appreciate the thought, but the steam train will get us there quickly enough…”
“You might be fine, but the other female humans might feel differently?”
“Why is that? They’re all capable of laughing off any forced march.”
“Because we haven’t built a toilet yet. You can just nip into the nearby bushes, but they…”
“…………..Ahem, my thinking was short-sighted. I gratefully accept.”
“Good. Milanoi? They’re state guests. See that they’re treated with the utmost respect.”
“Understood! Milanoi himself will personally attend to them!”
I made up some excuse to get them to stay another day.
His face flushed, he led the women away.
He even mumbled, ‘I’m sorry for being so insensitive-‘ as he left.
‘It’s probably not that big of a deal, though.’
…Toilets and whatnot.
It was all just an excuse, really.
Even if they are female, medieval people are medieval people.
Relieving themselves outdoors wouldn’t be a big deal to them.
They probably wouldn’t care much either.
Nevertheless, the reason I deliberately had them stay in the Dragon Palace was…
“So, Mel? I’m going to wash up, want to come to the hot spring with me?”
‘I won’t see her for a while. I need to get scrubbed down.’
A very simple reason.
I just wanted Mel to bathe me for the first time in a while.
Her expression brightened, as if pleased by my words.
“As you command, Master♡”
“…Master. I can wash you too, you know?”
“Mel’s always like that, and I can’t help but feel it’s a little unfair.”
“That’s right! You said Lucia’s skills weren’t bad either, right? Let us take care of you sometimes!!”
“We even made body wash for the Great One…”
Of course, only Mel was happy.
The other vassals grumbled enviously.
Even Shar, who was watching from the sidelines, hesitated and blurted out, ‘Shar is also quite skilled,’ but…
Unfortunately, I couldn’t grant their wishes.
“I have some business trip-related things to discuss while I wash. You wouldn’t be able to understand a word of it if you’re not a specialist.”
It didn’t seem like they could follow a professional conversation,
“Or do you want to all wash together? Should I teach you economics?”
“Uh, um. Well.”
“It’s a little… with them.”
Everyone hesitated at the suggestion of washing together.
They were too busy glaring at each other.
They seemed a little uncomfortable with mixed bathing with anyone other than me.
‘Is this what it feels like to go to a bathhouse with coworkers? It must be awkward.’
“Mel will be gone on a business trip, so the bathing attendant will be vacant for a while. I’ll let you take turns, one at a time. Decide the order among yourselves with rock-paper-scissors.”
“”Yes””””
I quickly wrapped things up.
As the monarch of a nation, I couldn’t show favoritism to just one and make my vassals feel insecure.
Reassuring them like this was essential.
‘If the side dishes in the lunchbox are a little empty, they might think! Oh! The monarch doesn’t need me anymore! What’s the point of living-! I can’t have them saying things like that.’
“Krrang.”
The life of an absolute ruler isn’t easy, you know.
I don’t know what dictators found so appealing about this.
* * *
A little later.
Five women gathered in a small bath.
Four vassals of ministerial rank, excluding Mel, plus Grukshar, who had been caught up in the mix, for a total of five.
A murderous aura swirled in their eyes.
“Hmph-Silvi, you were so confident, but you couldn’t say a word in front of Master? Are you a little insecure?”
“…Are you one to talk?”
A fierce exchange passed between them.
Despite the warm hot spring, a chill seemed to linger.
Shar, pale with fright, swallowed hard.
‘Why did the esteemed ones bring Shar to a place like this…’
“You’re only average in size, but you talk so much. You have to be either completely small like me, or big like Aurelia.”
“…Teo-nim said that I’m just right?! Who are you to say whatever you want!!?”
“He’s just being kind, so he said that. He stopped having you bathe him after only a few times, so his true feelings are obvious.”
“Shut up, you shorty! You’ve never been chosen even once!!”
“……Did you say everything you wanted to say?”
“I’m not done yet? Teo-nim said a long time ago that he couldn’t possibly have you bathe him because he was worried about getting caught by the child protection laws…”
Two women soaking in the hot spring, Silvi and Lucia, snarled at each other.
They only pretended to be friendly in front of Teo. They were blinded by their desire to receive his favor even once.
They couldn’t possibly be friendly.
“Huhu. Those people are fighting over something so futile. I’m the one whom the Lord cherishes the most…”
“Aurelia? Pfft. What’s a fat pig saying.”
“…Is that something Wiz, who used to be a goblin, should be saying? I can still clearly remember the dirty sight of you eating meat and spitting it out to check.”
“Hey, bringing up things from when I was a lowly creature is cheating. If we’re going to do that, you were a piece of wood for a while, weren’t you?”
“Unlike then, I’ve been completely reborn. Unlike someone whose skin color makes you lose your appetite.”
“What’s with the chicken coop smell? I thought it smelled like a poultry farm, but it must be the smell coming from your body.”
“——Did you say everything you wanted to say?”
“Oh my, look at you opening your eyes wide. Did I hit a nerve?”
Wiz and Aurelia went even further.
Their tongues mercilessly poked at each other’s complexes.
The abusive language that passed between them was beyond just being called venomous.
‘I’m definitely the most average of them all…’
‘Is my body too young-looking after all? Should I research breast implants?’
‘A chicken coop smell, does the Lord also think that…? Have I been in the poultry farm for too long?’
‘Ugh, damn it. Why is my skin color like this? It’s annoying.’
And their self-esteem gradually dropped as a bonus.
That was why they refused the offer to wash together.
They absolutely hated being inferior to the other females.
“…Hic.”
‘Shar is scared. Why is Shar being dragged to a place like this and suffering…’
Because of that, Shar was dragged along for no reason.
She seemed to be the only one in distress, but,
“That’s right, Shar. Didn’t you say you wanted to bathe Teo-nim too?”
“Hic. Sh, Shar would never do such a presumptuous thing. How could someone like Shar.”
“Isn’t it okay? You suffer quite a bit under him, after all. I think it’s okay for you to receive a reward once in a while.”
“That’s a good idea! How about we let her bathe him first?”
“I agree. Hey, after Mel leaves, you’ll bathe Master first. Got it?”
“Huh? Yes!?”
A windfall that came about by chance.
The four of them joined forces and agreed to make Shar the very first in line.
Shar pinched her cheek without realizing it.
She was dazed, wondering if she could dare to accept such an opportunity.
‘The four of them are still merciful…’
‘Still, I’m better than her. After Teo-nim washes with her, he’ll look at me again.’
‘No matter how young my appearance is, it’s better than an orc.’
‘If you experience a race that actually smells like a chicken coop, your opinion will change.’
‘Brown skin is a hundred times better than green skin. Yeah.’
Of course, the four of them had sinister intentions.
Teo would be horrified if he knew about this, wondering where equality had gone…
Fortunately or unfortunately, he was completely unaware of these circumstances.
“Krrang… This is paradise, really.”
‘This skill of meticulously cleaning each scale. As expected, Mel is the best at this.’
Inside a spacious hot spring for only one.
Teo let out a satisfied cry.
He was peacefully unaware of the catfight taking place in the other hot spring.
The Ultimate Slime, Mel, who was embraced by him, smiled.
-Hehe.
‘Things must be a mess over there by now, right? I feel sorry for them. After all, I’m the best when it comes to bathing.’
“How is it? I can even produce flower scents like this♡”
“Oh. When did you learn something like this?”
“I thought you might like it♡ I absorb flower petals and then melt them and circulate them through my body…”
“You synthesized essential oils? Are you interested in chemistry? Should I teach you some?”
“…Th, that’s Silvi’s responsibility. I can’t cause unnecessary trouble.”
Teo’s suggestion to work her to the bone. She couldn’t laughingly listen to the suggestion to learn chemistry…anyway.
Her body further transformed and spread out.
It was to decompose Teo’s waste products and make them her own.
“Now, let me wash you clean♡”
“Krrang~ Ah, be gentle there, that’s a reverse scale.”
“I know If it’s a sensitive part for Teo-nim, I, Mel, know it inside and out♡”
“Krrang… As expected, Mel. I’m so glad you didn’t evolve into a human form.”
“It’s my reason for existence♡”
Thanks to that, his scales and claws were being cleaned in real time.
He couldn’t help but feel that it was a very refreshing bath.
It wasn’t visible because he was transparent, and he wasn’t that dirty in the first place, but anyway.
It was almost 10 minutes later that Teo opened his mouth.
“I think that’s enough, Mel. Thank you.”
“I’m the one who’s grateful♡ With this, I can feel Teo-nim’s scent anytime, anywhere, ah♡”
“Such a preference. Anyway, let’s get back to work. Have you organized what you need to do on the business trip?”
What he was talking about was the upcoming trip to Arkenia.
It was Millenia’s first foray into the continent, so he was taking every precaution.
Shururuk.
The mass of slime that had been crawling on his scales came down and stood in front of him in the form of Mel.
“Of course! Arkenia and our silver and gold coins. I’m storing a sufficient amount in subspace.”
“Is it linked to my magic?”
“We’ve already finished testing it across the entire continent!”
“Good. I’ll trust you with the rest. Millenia’s Minister of Economic Industry, Mel.”
“It will be as you wish♡”
Millenia’s invisible battle, which took place while the other vassals were bickering.
Its beginning took place in the hot spring.
* * *
Another year passed since then.
“The knights demanded that their salaries be paid in Millenian gold coins? Not just commoners, but those who are nobles in their own་ right?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. These days, our gold coins are often refused as payment.”
“….”
‘Damn it. Just how far into the kingdom has that organization called the ‘Invisible Hand’ reached!!’
The Arkenian gold coins with Leopoldus’s face embossed on them.
Their value had plummeted.