Chapter 23 : Determination

The sensation of the cool metal can was still vivid.

I quietly opened the can and took a sip.

But then—

“Hmph, I don’t care about things like that.”

She nonchalantly snatched the can from my hand.

A playful laugh.

A voice that sounded completely indifferent.

And then—

Her lips lightly brushed against the spot where I had just drunk from.

“…….”

I recalled that moment and instinctively touched my lips.

My childish reluctance to share faded into insignificance.

She drank from my can as if it were nothing.

She was so casual about it that I had no choice but to act like it was nothing to me too.

But now, I can’t get that scene out of my head.

It’s strange.

Really strange.

It was nothing.

It shouldn’t be a big deal.

So why does it bother me so much?

It’s not like our lips actually touched.

And yet, even that was too much of a shock for me—someone with no real dating experience, not even before I got possessed by this body.

Without thinking, I placed a hand over my heart.

Thump. 

Thump. 

Thump.

My heartbeat was faster than usual.

I slowly withdrew my hand.

No way.

No.

That can’t be.

It just can’t.

I touched my ear. 

It felt hot, as if burned.

“……No way.”

Like a lie, another scene with her surfaced in my mind.

Yoon Jihoo and Lee Jian.

Walking side by side, chatting.

Laughing, joking around from time to time.

The distance between them felt so natural.

I recalled it without much thought—

Yet, for some reason, my stomach churned.

What is this feeling?

Of course, it’s normal.

The two of them are childhood friends, and even in the original story…

And yet, despite knowing that,

Why does it bother me so much?

Why?

Why does it annoy me so much?

I suddenly stood up.

I grabbed a book from my desk.

If I just read, it’ll go away.

I won’t have to think about useless things.

I just need to focus.

I quietly flipped through the pages.

Then, my hand stopped.

I took a slow breath in.

I was trying not to think about it.

I was forcing myself to focus on something else.

But why—

Why does her image keep lingering before my eyes?

A dimly lit practice room.

The air was slightly warm.

Even if magic adjusted the environment, moving for a long time still made sweat bead on the skin.

Lee Jian ran a hand through her bangs, sweeping away the strands stuck to her forehead, and moved in front of the mirror.

Like a scattered shadow, her silhouette blurred.

The light flowing from her fingertips moved naturally, but then stopped midway.

She bit her lip and repeated the movement from the beginning.

“…Ha.”

A small sigh escaped her lips.

But she didn’t stop.

She didn’t wipe her forehead or fix her clothes.

She simply took a deep breath and moved her body again.

I watched her absentmindedly.

No—I was supposed to watch her absentmindedly.

But for some reason, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

The way loose strands clung to her cheeks.

The careful gesture of brushing back her damp nape.

The way her face scrunched in frustration, only for her eyes to light up again with renewed focus.

The mix of exhaustion and passion on her face—

It got under my skin.

Since that day, I found myself watching her hands.

The way they clenched tightly, then loosened gently.

The way she moved as if she could feel even the air passing between her fingers.

And maybe, just maybe—

I was remembering the brief moment when my hand had brushed against hers.

I slowly ran my fingertips over the page.

A wave of exhaustion washed over me.

And yet, even through the fatigue, I knew it clearly.

This feeling is, probably—

“I like her.”

The words escaped my lips on their own.

I froze.

What did I just say?

I quickly looked down.

Then, I found the sentence in the book.

—I found it.

So, I had just read something from the book.

Yeah, it was just a coincidence.

I sighed.

This is nothing.

It’s really nothing.

I was just reading.

But my fingertips kept tracing that same sentence over and over.

I like her.

I didn’t want to waver anymore.

I didn’t want to get involved.

I didn’t want to learn more than I already knew.

I didn’t want to think about not wanting to leave.

I have to go back someday.

I was thrown into this world so suddenly,

And I don’t know when I’ll return to my original world.

Holding onto this feeling is meaningless.

I didn’t want to have regrets.

So, I had to distance myself.

Just a little more. Just a little more.

But my fingertips trembled ever so slightly.

Maybe I already knew—

That no matter how much I tried to push her away,

I would still care in the end.

I slumped over the dining table chair at home.

Like a wrung-out piece of laundry, I draped myself over the chair, staring blankly at the ceiling.

“…Arrhythmia?”

My heart was acting strangely.

Even when I sat still, my chest pounded—thump, thump, thump.

My face burned on its own.

And the cause of all these symptoms—

There was only one.

Kim Dohyun.

Just thinking of that name made my breath hitch.

I ran my hands through my hair, messing it up.

Should I just give up?

No matter how I thought about it, this emotion made no sense.

If Kim Dohyun liked Nayul senior, then wasn’t it over before it even began?

Would anything change even if I held on to these feelings?

Yeah, giving up would be the right thing to do.

That was the conclusion I reached.

And yet, why did my stomach feel so unsettled?

“…Do I really have arrhythmia or something?”

I covered my face with both hands.

That was when—

Click.

The living room door opened, and a familiar voice rang out.

“What a pathetic sight.”

“……”

I snapped my head up.

It was my sister.

Her short red bob swayed slightly.

Sharp eyes, a cynical expression.

The small teardrop mole under her left eye made her look even colder.

Even in a simple tracksuit, she looked effortlessly elegant.

Probably because she was a famous model.

Honestly, even if she just walked down the street, she’d immediately turn heads.

She must have had plenty of relationships.

No—according to my memories, she definitely had.

Well, she was a famous model.

It was only natural that she had experienced plenty of romance and received lots of love.

And yet—

That very sister let out a sigh as she looked at me.

“What, did you finally fall for someone?”

My body flinched instinctively.

As expected of someone with a lot of dating experience?

But I quickly forced myself to act normal and waved my hand dismissively.

“No way.”

She scoffed as if she didn’t believe me.

Then, she walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and took out a can of beer.

“Sure, sure.”

She placed the can on the table and popped it open with a flick of her finger.

Pshhh—

The sound of the can opening rang in my ears.

And in that instant, a face flashed through my mind.

Kim Dohyun, grabbing my barley drink from my hand and downing it in one gulp.

The way his throat moved as he swallowed.

The way my heart pounded in sync with it.

I clutched my face.

My breath caught in my throat.

…Aaaah!

My face burned red.

I slammed my forehead onto the table and hit the surface with my fist.

“Hey, I’m the one drinking alcohol, so why do you look like you’re drunk?”

My sister took a sip of her beer and spoke in an exasperated tone.

“Hey! 

You’re gonna spill it all. 

Get a grip!”

But I still couldn’t lift my head.

Then, suddenly, an idea struck me.

What if I said it was about my friend?

Still resting my face against the cool surface of the table, I cautiously spoke.

The cold wood helped soothe the heat rising in my cheeks.

“Unnie, it’s about my friend…”

“……?”

She glanced at me, then smirked.

I forced myself to sound casual and continued.

“So, my friend has these symptoms. 

Their heart races just by thinking of someone, and their face gets all red…”

I hesitated for a second before asking,

“What do you think it is?”

My sister looked at me in silence for a moment—then let out a small chuckle.

And, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, she replied,

“My dear, we call that love.”

I froze.

…Love?

This feeling—is love?

“Are you sure? 

Like, absolutely sure?”

I reflexively asked.

“Can you prove it?”

My sister sighed and took another sip of her beer.

“Why should I prove it? 

That’s your job.”

“…Mine?”

“Yeah. 

Think about it. 

Do your eyes always follow them? 

Do you get upset when they’re with someone else? 

Do you want to be with them all the time?”

I instinctively averted my gaze.

She took another swig of her beer and continued.

“But, what if…”

I hesitated before speaking again.

“What if that person already likes someone else?”

“…What?”

“…Should I just give up?”

My sister paused, then raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“Because they like someone else.”

“So what?”

She set her beer can down and looked at me.

“Are they dating?”

“…No, but…”

“Then it doesn’t matter.”

She shrugged like it was no big deal.

“You just have to make them look at you.”

“…What?”

“Make them see only you.”

“…?”

“When people spend time together, their hearts naturally start to follow.”

Her words sounded so simple that, for some reason, they made me uneasy.

“…But what if they really like that other person? 

What if there’s no room for me to step in? 

What if I only end up pushing them away?”

“…Really?”

She took another sip of beer, then fixed her gaze on me.

“Then let’s start with this. 

Do you really like them?”

“…It’s not about me. 

It’s about my friend—”

“Cut the crap.”

I fell silent.

But her words hit me hard.

They sank deep into my chest, heavy and unmoving.

…I like them.

I really do.

I took a deep breath.

Yet, my heart kept racing.

No.

This isn’t just racing.

This is—

…Yeah. I think I really do like them.

“Then that’s all that matters.”

I quietly stood up.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To sleep.”

“…Are you sure you’re not actually drunk?”

Ignoring her, I walked into my room.

Lying on my bed, I stared up at the ceiling.

My sister’s words echoed in my ears.

“Make them look at you.”

Then, it finally clicked.

The reason I switched from stage directing to lighting design.

The reason I wanted to be a lead instead of a supporting role.

I slowly closed my eyes.

I never wanted to be in the spotlight at first.

I was satisfied with controlling the lights from behind the scenes, directing the stage.

I thought that role suited me better.

But at some point, things changed.

I started to care about Kim Dohyun’s gaze.

The moment he looked at me.

The way I appeared in his eyes.

It started to matter.

That day—when he carried me on his back.

The short walk to the bus stop.

That moment changed me.

I didn’t want to stay backstage anymore.

I wanted to stand on stage.

I wanted his camera to capture me.

I wanted his eyes to find me.

At first, I thought it was just a simple goal.

But now I know.

From that moment on, I no longer wanted to be in a supporting role.

I wanted to be the main character.

“…Didn’t you say it’s okay to be selfish?”

I slowly reached out and picked up my old stuffed animal—a worn-out duck plushie I had since childhood.

I never knew what it was supposed to be before.

But now, I recognized it.

It was the same character printed on barley drink cans.

…This is bad.

Now, every time I look at this duck, I think of him.

And along with it—this growing turmoil inside me.

“I won’t let go.”

I hugged the plushie tightly, as if to calm the storm in my heart.

“No matter how much you run, I’ll keep holding on.”