I had been going to church ever since I was very young.
That’s because both my grandfather and grandmother, who raised me in place of my busy, working parents, were devout Christians.
So whenever I followed them to church, they would always firmly hold my little hand and say to me, as if reminding me:
“Be sure to believe in and follow God faithfully.”
“If you do, then whenever something hard happens, God will surely help you.”
My grandparents were people who truly believed in and followed God their entire lives.
And they loved and cherished me more than anyone else in the world.
That’s why, for them, I also sincerely believed in and followed God with all my heart.
Just seeing the cross nailed to the desk would remind me of Jesus, who was crucified to forgive our sins, and I would pray right there with an “Amen.”
But if you’ve read this far, you might have started to catch on.
That I, Lee Hwi-jun, who had gone to church since I was young and who had earnestly believed in and followed God—I no longer go to church, nor do I believe in or follow God.
It’s not a particularly pleasant story, so I won’t go into too much detail, but the reason it happened wasn’t anything special.
It was just like in most cases where people lose their faith.
When I was really struggling, when I desperately needed God’s help—The God who was supposed to help me if I believed and followed Him, did not help me.
That’s all there is to it.
…Whenever I tell this story, there’s always someone who asks:
“Then do you believe there is no God in this world? That God doesn’t exist?”
And when I hear that question, I usually let out a sigh and respond: what I said about no longer believing in God was only in terms of faith.
Even though He didn’t help me when I was struggling, I still believe that God exists.
That the divine being we call God does, at the very least, exist somewhere.
…What?
You’re asking why I still believe in a God who doesn’t even help when needed?
Well, because there’s no particular reason to say that this so-called God doesn’t exist either.
Especially when something like that thing clinging to your back actually exists too.
***
When I opened my eyes in the morning, I saw an unfamiliar ceiling.
It truly was an unfamiliar ceiling—because it had only been a few days since we moved into this house.
As I sat up with those idle thoughts, my eyes caught the clothes I had hung on the rack the night before.
Gray pants, a white dress shirt, and most notably, a navy school blazer with a name tag on the right chest that read “Lee Hwi-jun.”
It was the uniform of Nakwon High School, the school I was starting today.
Among high school students, it was known for its sleek and stylish design—some even said they wanted to attend Nakwon High just to wear it.
“…Haa.”
The moment I saw the uniform, a small sigh escaped my lips.
No matter how nice the uniform looks, or how much students say they want to go to that school—school is still school.
What high school student could be truly happy about the fact they have to start going to school again today?
Especially someone like me, who hadn’t had the best experience with school life so far.
The feeling of not wanting to go to school inevitably started creeping up inside me.
“Well, I still have to go…”
But skipping school was never an option for me in the first place.
Not because I’m some perfect student obsessed with perfect attendance—but because my grandfather had always wanted me to attend a good high school.
I had been going to the local high school near our old home just fine,but I heard that my grandfather had, for the first time in his life, asked a favor of a friend— to get his beloved grandson into a better school.
So what could I do?
Even if it meant leaving the neighborhood I grew up in and moving to Seoul, the least I could do was attend the school my grandfather wanted me to go to and try my best.
With that thought, I gave a bitter smile and quickly ate a simple breakfast before changing into the uniform.
“…I woke up way too early.”
When I checked the time, it was 6:30 AM.
I’d lived with my grandparents from a young age, and my lifestyle had always been in sync with theirs, so even when I wanted to sleep in—it just didn’t work out that way.
School started at 8 AM.
It took about 30 minutes to walk from home to school, so if I left now, I’d end up arriving a whole hour early.
I could stay home and rest a bit more, but I went ahead and got ready to leave.
“…Might as well take a walk nearby.”
It’s not like I had anyone to talk to at home.
This house, where I was the only person, just didn’t feel like a place I wanted to spend time in.
So I decided to use the spare time to get familiar with the neighborhood I still wasn’t used to after the move,
And then head to school.
“I’ll be back.”
Before stepping out the front door, I gave a little bow toward the photo of my grandparents hanging near the entrance.
***
I walked the slowly brightening streets for about 30 minutes under the rising morning sun.
Around 7 AM, I checked my watch and turned my steps toward the school.
Since I was a transfer student, I figured arriving about 30 minutes early wouldn’t be a bad idea.
As I was walking in that direction, I spotted a girl standing at a bus stop ahead, holding her phone.
Judging from the uniform that looked similar to mine, she must be a student at Nakwon High too.
If she catches the bus now, she’d get to school by 7:10 at the latest.
Seeing someone commuting this early in the morning, I figured she must be a really diligent student.
I was going to keep walking past the stop with that thought in mind…Vroooom!
“Pfft, ahaha…!”
But then I heard the sound of a bus rapidly approaching from a distance.
And at the same time, I saw the back of the girl laughing cheerfully while staring at her phone, totally unaware of the bus coming her way.
Honestly, if someone else saw it, they probably wouldn’t think twice.
Just an ordinary everyday scene.
Normally, even if a bus was going a bit faster than usual, it would still slow down in time and stop right at the—even if I couldn’t stop and stay still, nothing would have happened.
But what could I do?
Maybe if I hadn’t seen it, I could pretend I didn’t know—but I did see it.
There’s no way I could just ignore it and walk by.
“…Haa.”
Letting out a sigh, I ran straight toward the bus stop.
And just as I arrived at the stop, at nearly the same time as the approaching bus—
“Gasp…!”
Without hesitation—I grabbed the arm of the girl standing there and pulled her back with all my strength.
“Eeeek…?!!”
Smash!
Startled, she screamed and stumbled back like she was about to have a seizure.
To prevent her from falling and getting hurt, I supported her back with my shoulder.
As expected, the bus came to a stop just past the bus stop.
Frowning as I looked at the bus, I thought:
Driver, I get that you don’t want to hit the red light, but maybe ease up a bit, huh?
Now I have to get involved in a hassle I didn’t ask for.
I knew it wasn’t exactly the bus driver’s fault, but I still found myself mentally complaining to him as I glared toward the side of the bus stop.
That’s when it happened.
“…L-H.”
I heard a trembling voice mumble something beside me.
When I turned slightly toward the girl leaning against my shoulder—
“My phooooooone…!!!!!!”
An explosive roar burst from right next to me.
– Wow, she’s got some lungs.
My ears were ringing from the sheer volume, and I looked at the girl who had shouted.
She swatted away my hand that had been holding her arm, crouched down, trembling, and spoke:
“A-Aaaah…!!! I just got this phone yesterday, and now the screen’s completely ruined…! You jerk…! What are you gonna do about this…! This is a brand new phone, and just replacing the screen will cost at least 300 bucks…!!”
I looked down at where she was crouched.
There was her phone, the screen shattered like a spiderweb, looking completely wrecked.
…Come to think of it, I did hear something crash earlier. Of course, it had to be the phone she was holding.
This was… really bad.
Knowing how important phones are to people our age, I couldn’t blame her for being mad.
So I quickly bowed my head to her and sincerely apologized.
“…I’m really sorry. No matter how much it costs to fix, I’ll pay for it.”
Regardless of my intentions, I hadn’t paid attention to her phone in the heat of the moment.
This was clearly on me.
Paying the repair cost was the least I could do.
Even if it meant money would be tight for the rest of the month.
“O-Oh, really…? Ugh, I’m so annoyed, but okay, fine. If you’re paying, then I guess…”
Thankfully, my quick apology seemed to calm her down a little.
Seeing that, I thought to myself—wait, could this actually…?
“But more importantly! Why the heck did you suddenly grab me from behind?! I was so shocked I nearly passed out!”
…Yeah, fat chance.
I’d hoped maybe I could slide by with just that, but nope.
She stared at me, demanding an explanation.
There was no way she’d let this go without one.
But I couldn’t exactly tell her the truth, either…as I scrambled for a suitable excuse, I finally blurted out something that came to mind.
“Uh… you were standing really close to the road, so I thought it looked dangerous…”
“Dangerous? I wasn’t that close to the road though…?”
Yeah, clearly that excuse was weak.
She tilted her head skeptically, unconvinced.
After a moment of silent scrutiny, her expression suddenly shifted—she chuckled as if something clicked.
“Hah, oh wow… So that’s what this is? Jeez… but I guess you’ve at least got a good eye.”
“…A good eye?”
“Oh, come on. Don’t play dumb. You were just trying to score some points with me, right? Ugh, being pretty really is a curse.”
She muttered that confidently, like she was certain she’d figured me out.
Then she went on:
“Well, I’ll give you some credit for at least having the guts to try something like that. I’ll be nice—if you admit it honestly, I’ll just let it go after you pay for the screen. I won’t give you my number, though. You’re not really my type.”
With a smug look, she tucked a strand of her dyed light brown hair behind her ear, practically daring me to nod in agreement.
At that point, I finally took a proper look at her face.
Strong features, confident vibe, pretty enough that you’d expect at least a couple guys in class had a quiet crush on her.
Yeah… she was cute enough that I could understand why she thought that.
But I hadn’t acted out of any desire to impress her.
So I told her honestly:
“No, that’s not it at all…”
“…What? Are you seriously trying to act all proud now? Just admit it and I’ll let it slide!”
“I am being honest. That’s really not why I did it.”
And that was the absolute truth.
Unfortunately, the truth wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
“Ugh… What?”
She scowled, clearly offended by my answer.
If you’re gonna make a move on a girl you just met, at least be good-looking while you do it! Geez!
“What do you even have to be proud of?!
With those long bangs making you look all shady and creepy…!”
Seething with rage, she shouted at me.
Then her eyes suddenly sharpened, and she grabbed my wrist in a death grip.
“You! I was going to let it slide, but forget that! You’re coming with me!”
And just like that, she started dragging me off somewhere.
“…Ah.”
When I realized where she was headed, I couldn’t help but make a troubled face.
…Maybe I should’ve just gone with the lie.
Of all places, the police substation is right next to the bus stop.