“Or… we could put it to a different use.”
“Like what?”
“Perhaps as a weapon. Magical girls sometimes use weapons they develop themselves.”
If it was about Iris’ weapon, I could understand.
It made some sense.
“What if someone takes it away?”
“You can hide any weapon somewhere no one can see. Even if the origin is unknown, it’s possible to hide ‘developed’ weapons in an extradimensional space. If you just hide it, it should be safe from being stolen.”
Even with his hopeful look, I didn’t know how to respond.
The weapons of magical girls are usually transformed objects they treasure.
To be more precise, they’re items that can give them ‘hope’ when they see them.
They help maintain a positive mindset and prevent them from losing hope.
Once transformed into a ‘staff,’ the object disappears before their eyes.
Not entirely gone, but it becomes something that shines like a beacon in the magical girl’s heart.
So once transformed, they would automatically hold it in their hands.
At first, they might miss the original item, but in the end, as long as they don’t lose hope, they stay together forever in a romanticized way.
I wasn’t sure how Iris’ weapon could be hidden, though.
In principle, it might not be so different.
The only difference might be how much energy could be extracted from the weapon.
By the way, the bouquet Hayoon had was a gift from her parents.
Back when her parents didn’t see Hayoon as a political tool, they had given her that bouquet.
It was probably after she won a writing competition or something.
You might think a bouquet wouldn’t last that long, but if it’s dried properly, it can be preserved indefinitely.
As far as I know, she had it hanging upside down on the wall for years, so the flowers didn’t get damaged much.
It probably wasn’t in as good a condition as it was back then.
But thanks to magic, the moment she received it was somehow recreated, and the ‘Blossom’ she held was always full of life.
“I still don’t know how to use it.”
“We’ll figure it out step by step.”
James looked at me with a disappointed expression as he said that.
“Well, anyway, I’ll try to make a weapon. Since there’s no place to hide it other than this room, it won’t matter what form it takes. Do you have a preferred form?”
I thought for a moment about the weapons I had used.
“I’m good with a hammer.”
When I said that, recalling what I did with Jiguppa, James sighed and shrugged.
“Well, that’s very ‘you.’”
I wanted to hit him, but I was still lying on the floor.
A new electric blanket had been added to the basement room.
I was earning money now.
It didn’t matter if I slept next to a woman, but it still felt awkward for Jiguppa, who originally lived in this room, though technically she wasn’t the landlord—she was more like a tenant.
“Don’t move too much. You were wrapped in bandages just yesterday.”
He must’ve noticed that I was about to grab James.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. No need to apologize.”
While I lay on the floor, Jiguppa muttered.
I hadn’t been able to work for several days.
I was really sick.
But I couldn’t afford to go to a hospital or treatment center.
I had heard that magical girls heal themselves with the magic circulating in their bodies, so I was resting, hoping that would help.
It’s true that I was recovering faster than most people, but the aches here and there couldn’t be helped.
As a result, I had been just relying on others for a few days.
“It seems like something I should apologize for.”
Jiguppa had said she was helping me because I had helped her in difficult times, but honestly, I hadn’t done that much for her.
I had just kept her company for coffee a few times and taken her home when she was drunk.
That hardly seemed like something worth risking exile over.
I was already suspected of being a terrorist, and now, I had become a real one, with no way out.
Until recently, opinions about me were divided.
Because I was a minor and somewhat pretty, many people thought,
“She must not be the one at fault.”
There were also many who shouted for or against me using my name just to attack each other.
But this incident turned public opinion around.
The first incident wasn’t conclusively determined to be my doing, but this time, it was clear that I was largely responsible.
There was a building in the middle of Gangnam, and the large antenna inside the building had fallen, which was enough to make people feel threatened.
It was a ‘next-generation communication technology eco-friendly antenna,’ as the company called it.
They didn’t mention anything about it being for chasing magical girls, but they claimed it was destroyed because of me while they were researching to reduce the citizens’ communication burden.
So, the threats I was receiving now were on a completely different level from before.
But still, Jiguppa was hiding me here.
Why?
Jiguppa didn’t respond to my question.
“By the way…”
I couldn’t get an answer no matter how much I stared at him, so I shifted my focus to James.
“Didn’t you say something about shame? Could it be that the energy I need to transform comes from something like that? I thought mine was supposed to be ‘courage.’”
“…!”
James’s ears perked up.
His mouth opened slightly, and his small, flesh-colored hands froze in front of his chest.
He had the look of a mouse frozen in front of a cat.
“What’s going on?”
“Th-that is…”
James looked around for a moment before finally opening his mouth.
“Don’t you know what courage is?”
“Do you think I’m asking because I don’t know what courage is?”
“Ho ho ho.”
James laughed, as if trying to put on a bit of bravado.
“Courage is what comes when you endure some kind of disadvantage.”
“Really?”
“There’s an old saying. If you endure fear for three minutes, that’s courage. Yes. Enduring shame is also courage, and enduring fear of death is courage. You really showed courage that day. Didn’t you? To jump from such a height for a friend who became your enemy, how courageous was that!”
Well, he managed to talk his way out of it.
But there was some truth in what James said.
If you look at it from a certain perspective, despair and courage do have something in common.
In this world, despair as an energy source was created not simply when someone “gave up,” but when they truly “despaired.”
When people completely let go and give up, they sometimes feel at peace.
Those who run toward their dreams can stress out over their talents, and those who completely give up on their dreams can end up more content, living peacefully in the present.
So the company can easily fool people into saying “That’s the power of courage.”
“Well, fine.”
I sighed deeply.
I’ll let it go this time.
Anyway, there’s nothing I can do if I don’t let it go.
James, perhaps wanting to avoid further conversation, quickly turned and ran toward his robot, which still had plenty of circuits and parts left, and began fiddling with it.
Was he making a hammer or something?
Well, whatever.
If the weapons of magical girls symbolize their dreams and ‘hope,’ then I, who use the energy of despair, don’t need anything like that.
As long as I can grab it and swing it, that’s enough.
In fact, it seems more fitting.
“A meaningless object,” after all.
“…”
The room fell silent again.
Jiguppa wasn’t as talkative as I thought.
Every time we met, she had a lot to say, probably because we hadn’t met in a while and had a lot of catching up to do.
James was also busy with something else now.
…Of course, this made me think of Hayoon.
I also thought of Jihye.
I wonder if Hayoon’s injuries have healed.
Is she resting comfortably now? I feel frustrated because I can’t contact her.
As for Jihye…
I just hope she’s doing well.
I wondered if there was any way I could send a letter.
But no matter how much I thought about it, it seemed like the quickest way to get caught.
Realizing that there was no way to contact anyone close to me, I quietly closed my eyes.
And, as for Jihye, I might know what to say, but I don’t even know how to write a letter to Hayoon.
I’ve only written a letter once.
I could text, maybe.
Even in this situation, thinking about Hayoon makes a part of my chest feel uneasy.
I still feel jealous.
Even though I saw Hayoon fall to the ground, I didn’t feel like I won at all.
Various emotions mixed together, and I couldn’t tell if they were positive or negative.
If I were running a circuit right now, it would probably be spinning at a very fast speed.
This whole thing really bothers me.
What bothers me the most is that I’m the one who chose to do this thing that bothers me so much.