Chapter 18 : Don’t look

[Sending the observation records so far.]

I quietly stared at the message that appeared.

In the dark room, the only light came from the computer screen.

Sitting still, I blankly gazed at the screen.

The email window floated before me.

My hands rested on the keyboard.

And then I hesitated.

I wasn’t sure how many times I had written and erased sentences.

[What exactly is a singularity?]

Tap, tap, tap—the letters disappeared.

[Is it okay for me to distort the original work?]

Tap, tap, tap—the letters were erased again.

[Is it okay for me to stop being an observer?]

Tap, tap, tap.

In the end, I couldn’t write anything.

I didn’t send any emails.

As always, I only sent the observation records.

And so, I just stared at the computer screen endlessly.

The screen automatically turned off, making the room even darker.

Silence.

The ticking of the clock echoed even louder.

Leaning back in my chair, I pressed my hand against my eyes.

“I don’t want to become a butterfly.”

A butterfly’s small wingbeats can create a storm.

Perhaps, just by possessing this body, the distortion had already begun.

I could only hope that the distortion wouldn’t be too great.

If I had to return anyway—if I was someone meant to leave—I didn’t want to leave behind too many traces.

I never realized that merely watching could be this difficult.

Just then, my phone rang with a notification sound.

Pretending not to expect anything, I picked up my phone.

It was just a generic advertisement message.

Well, of course.

There was no one who would message me.

If it wasn’t an ad, it would be Lee Jian.

The past conversations with Lee Jian appeared.

So many messages.

The scroll went up endlessly.

[Lee Jian]

→ What are you doing?

(Emoji of a duck lifting its glasses)

Before I knew it, I was waiting for that same message to arrive.

I knew.

If the “singularity” was a warning not to twist the original work, then the right thing to do was to avoid getting involved any further.

And yet—

Tap, tap, tap.

I quietly typed out a message and stared at it.

[Are you okay?]

‘You seemed sick today.’

A short message.

Yet, I couldn’t send it.

I just stared at that one brief sentence, unable to press send.

My fingers hesitated over the button I couldn’t bring myself to press.

Ding.

Suddenly, a sound rang out from nowhere, startling me into pressing the button.

It was a sound similar to when the system activated, but nothing appeared in the air.

“…Ah.”

The moment I sent it, the read receipt immediately appeared.

As if someone was watching our messages in real-time.

[Kim Dohyun]

→ Are you okay?

[Lee Jian]

→ What are you doing?

(Emoji of a duck lifting its glasses)

And then, two messages popped up at the same time.

For some reason, I let out a small laugh.

[Lee Jian]

→ Just resting will make it better.

→ I told you I was fine. Yoon Jihoo was just overreacting.

So, is she still with Yoon Jihoo now?

Of course.

That would be the natural course of events.

I couldn’t bring myself to send any more messages, so I quietly turned my head away.

I had neither the courage to send more nor a reason to ask anything else.

But—

Drip. Drip.

Raindrops started falling outside the window.

→ Do you have an umbrella?

[Lee Jian]
→ Is it raining outside?

→ Oh no. I don’t have an umbrella.

[Main episode detected. Guiding to the scene.]

I grabbed an umbrella and stepped outside.

The light drizzle began to turn into a downpour.

My steps toward the academy grew faster.

And when I arrived at the entrance—

[Observer mode activated. Viewpoint locked.]

My vision shifted on its own.

I saw Yoon Jihoo and Park Nayul walking together under an umbrella.

And Lee Jian watching them.

She stood alone, watching them leave.

Her raised hand slowly, weakly lowered.

[Observer mode deactivated.]

And now, I saw the scene with my own eyes.

But unlike before, I couldn’t see anything.

Not because the rain was obscuring my view.

I just—

I didn’t even know what I was feeling.

My own emotions remained a question mark.

But then—

A scene from the original story flashed through my mind.

In front of the academy entrance, on a rainy night.

Under the dim light, left alone.

After Yoon Jihoo and Park Nayul disappeared, she stood motionless in the rain.

In the original story, at this moment, what had Lee Jian been thinking?

“It’s okay.

I’ve always been fine on my own.”

She tried to convince herself.

She told herself that so she wouldn’t cry, so she wouldn’t feel weak.

But in the original story, that night, she broke down.

On her way home, when no one was looking.

Where no one could hear, she secretly cried.

“Ah, this is so funny.

Yoon Jihoo, you’re something else.

Sharing an umbrella with senior like that.”

“It’s okay.

I was always fine alone.… 

I was meant to be alone from the start.”

“It’s nothing.

I shouldn’t have cared.

I just went back to where I belonged.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?”

I had only known this scene as mere text.

But now, watching it unfold before me in reality—

She was still alone.

In the rain, without an umbrella.

A scene designed to highlight someone else’s love.

Bitterness behind sweetness.

Sweetness behind bitterness.

A love that only existed to illuminate someone else’s.

I was meant to follow the original story.

That was the safest path.

So I should only be watching.

And yet—

Why did I hate seeing this scene so much?

Did I come here because of the system’s message?

Or because of Lee Jian’s message?

I didn’t know.

The rain blurred everything.

Even the name of my own feelings.

The infirmary was quiet.

The wind brushed against the window, but the noise outside was faint.

The sheer curtains swayed slightly, and I was alone in the room.

Lying down, I stared at the ceiling.

Blankly, with no thoughts.

The ice pack on my forehead slowly melted.

Time, and I, sank little by little.

A quiet breath disturbed the air.

A silence so deep, not a single sound could be heard.

I picked up my phone.

Out of habit.

I opened the messaging app.

Ever since that conversation that day, I had been coming back to this chat room frequently.

[Kim Dohyun]

His name caught my eye.

My fingers hesitated for a moment.

Should I send it or not?

What is he doing right now?

At the very least, he probably isn’t busy.

[What are you doing?]

I typed slowly.

Just as I always did, adding the usual familiar emoji.

But I didn’t send it.

Just as I was about to press send— Ding.

My finger slipped.

Tok.

Message sent.

And then—

Read.

At the same moment, at the same timing—

Both he and I had sent messages simultaneously.

I stared blankly at my phone for a moment.

“…What is this?”

A small laugh escaped my lips.

“What, so you were thinking about me too.”

I muttered to myself.

Then, I should reply too.

I slowly moved my fingers.

[Just resting will make it better. I told you I was fine. Yoon Jihoo was just overreacting.]

Pretending I didn’t care.

Pretending it was nothing.

After sending the message, silence followed again.

Would he reply?

Or would this be the last message exchanged?

I flipped my phone over.

Because thinking about it was making me more anxious.

Then, I slowly closed my eyes.

Ding.

A notification rang again.

I shot up like a spring and grabbed my phone.

[Kim Dohyun]

→ Do you have an umbrella?

“…Huh?”

What does he mean?

For a moment, I didn’t understand.

Is it… raining?

[Lee Jian]

→ Is it raining outside?

After a short pause, I typed again.

[Oh no. I don’t have an umbrella.]

Yoon Jihoo had already gone home.

Even though he insisted on staying with me, I forced him to leave.

I needed a bit of time alone.

Time to organize my thoughts.

I curled up my knees and sat down.

“If I had known, I should’ve let him stay.”

I looked toward the window.

A cloudy sky.

Raindrops lightly streaking the glass.

I knew that Kim Dohyun was avoiding me.

I had never tried to create distance between us.

So when did he start drifting away?

I quietly stood up and walked toward the window.

Lifting my hand, I wiped the glass.

Cold.

The hollow heat inside me quietly faded.

The dampness of the rain seeped through my skin.

At first, I thought nothing of it.

Everyone has times when they want to be alone.

Even if it seemed like he was avoiding me, I assumed it was just a coincidence.

‘There’s no way… right?’

I didn’t put much thought into it.

If it had only been for a day or two, I would have dismissed it as a coincidence.

But those indifferent days kept piling up.

The first time I found it odd was during lunch.

I spotted Kim Dohyun sitting alone on the field.

Like always, I was about to approach him.

The moment I saw him from afar, I was already preparing to tease him.

Then, I’d ask playfully why he wasn’t eating lunch with me.

“Hey, Kim Dohyun!”

I expected him to turn around like usual.

But instead, he flinched.

Then, as if nothing had happened, he got up and walked in the opposite direction.

…What?

I stopped in my tracks.

‘Did I see that wrong?’

That was possible.

Yeah, maybe it was just a coincidence.

The second time was in the hallway.

We ran into each other at the end of the corridor.

Normally, we would have exchanged glances and passed by in silence.

But the moment he saw me, he pulled out his phone.

“……”

Even from a distance, I could tell.

He was pretending to look at his phone while deliberately changing directions.

I almost spoke up.

If I called out to him, he would stop, right?

Then I could joke around as usual.

But at that moment—

Somewhere deep inside, something felt damp.

Like a raindrop slowly soaking into my clothes.

That was the first time I vaguely realized—

This wasn’t just a coincidence.

The third time was in front of the clubroom.

I was on my way to grab some equipment.

Right at the entrance, I ran into Kim Dohyun.

“Oh?

You’re here to grab something to—”

“I, uh, I’ll go first.”

Before I could even finish my sentence, he quickly stepped aside.

Without waiting for my reaction, he walked off without hesitation.

As if it was nothing, as if he was just going about his day.

But even in that brief moment, I could tell.

He was deliberately avoiding being with me.

“What the hell.”

Could I still call this a coincidence?

The moment that thought crossed my mind, I felt something slowly sinking in my chest.

Like when you don’t notice the rain at first, but then realize your shoes are already soaked.

My heart, too, was slowly getting drenched.

Days passed.

What I once thought were coincidences stretched into weeks.

And eventually, I couldn’t just brush it off anymore.

That was when I finally understood—

It wasn’t that we were drifting apart.

He was pushing me away.

Like raindrops slowly seeping in—

Subtly, but unmistakably.

I was realizing that the distance between us was getting washed away.

After avoiding me, he would often stare blankly at something.

And where his gaze landed—

It was always on Yoon Jihoo and Nayul-senior.

He couldn’t take his eyes off them.

Then, a small sigh.

I started to sense his feelings.

I told myself I was used to it.

That it didn’t matter.

But when he avoided me again today—

“It’s fine.

It was never that deep anyway.”

I stared at the ceiling.

Why did I feel so strange?

Kim Dohyun is avoiding me.

Him chatting with Nayul-senior so warmly.

It wasn’t my business.

And yet—

Why did it bother me so much?

Even with my eyes closed, the images wouldn’t leave my mind.

Kim Dohyun avoiding me.

Kim Dohyun talking to Nayul-senior.

The way he showed so many different expressions around her.

“It’s fine.

I’ve always been okay on my own.”

I tried to convince myself.

“Let’s go back.”

As I headed for the academy entrance, the rain poured down harder.

“Oh, right.”

‘It was supposed to rain today.’

At that moment, I saw Yoon Jihoo walking with an umbrella.

I was about to call out to him—

But then I saw who was next to him.

Black hair, red eyes— Nayul-senior.

My raised hand slowly lowered.

The heavy rain poured down violently.

My vision blurred.

Not just from the raindrops, but because my emotions were also crashing down all at once.

The sky poured down rain.

But what was pouring down inside me?

Through the storm that obscured everything—

What was I looking at?

The dark clouds overhead.

The color of ash and shadows.

And in them, a face surfaced in my mind.

‘It’s a good thing Kim Dohyun isn’t seeing this.’

Even if I pretended not to care, it was a scene he would probably mind.

His love must be the kind that hurts—a one-sided love.

Strange.

The moment I thought of him, my heart ached even more.

“Why are you avoiding me?

If I did something wrong, just tell me, idiot.”

I didn’t even know if this was love, regret, or just stubborn attachment.

And yet, I stood there.

It can’t be helped. I’ll just have to run through the rain.

Maybe getting drenched would help me think more clearly.

Maybe it would cool the lingering embers in my chest.

But the remaining embers spat out one last bitter whisper.

“I’m jealous.

You’re so popular.”

“You’re popular too.”

A voice called out.

I turned my head.

Kim Dohyun stood there.

At the sight of him, I felt like I might start crying.

“What?

What’s wrong?

Are you still feeling sick?”

He took a step closer to me, his hand reaching toward my forehead.

I instinctively stepped back.

His movements stiffened awkwardly.

“I’m not.”

He quietly stepped forward again.

A quick glance.

When I turned my gaze, I saw Yoon Jihoo and Nayul-senior.

And Kim Dohyun was looking at them too.

No.

Don’t look.

You don’t have to see that.

I found myself blocking his view.

Without realizing it, I was already doing so.

“What’s up?

What’s wrong?”

“Just… nothing.”

He stepped forward again.

I subtly shifted to block his path once more.

“Why are you acting like this?”

Kim Dohyun took another step forward.

The moment his gaze turned toward them, my heart dropped.

I couldn’t predict what kind of expression he would make.

What if…

What if I saw the emotions I feared reflected on his face?

The moment he looked at Nayul-senior, I would know.

I would have to face it.

And I didn’t want to.

I lifted my hand, covering his eyes.

“Don’t look…”

I bit my lip.

Maybe this was just my own misunderstanding.

But still—

“Don’t look.”

My voice was lower than usual, as if I was trying to suppress my emotions.

But it was already too late.

The moment the words left my lips, something inside my chest wavered violently.

“Why?”

Kim Dohyun asked.

My heartbeat grew faster.

‘What if you get hurt?’

‘I don’t want to see you with that kind of expression.’

As my emotions trembled, my voice wavered.

“Just… don’t look.”

My lips felt dry.

I couldn’t bear to see what kind of expression he would make when he looked at Nayul-senior.

That’s what scared me.

Because if I faced his expression, everything would become clear.

And our relationship—would inevitably change.

I didn’t want to see it.

That’s why I was blocking his view.

Like a child who believes that if they close their eyes, reality will disappear.

Was I running away?

Even as I stood in front of him, I looked up at him.

Kim Dohyun gazed at me.

The moment our eyes met, something in my chest twisted painfully.

This isn’t right.

This is nothing.

But one thing was certain—

It hurt so much.

“Please, just don’t look.”

The words that spilled out were shakier than I expected.

I felt the dampness in my eyes.

Not enough to wipe away. Just barely, faintly.

Like holding my breath, I swallowed my emotions.

I couldn’t let him notice.

‘I really am selfish, aren’t I?’

For a brief moment, silence settled between us.

Only the sound of the rain filled the space.

The raindrops pounded against the ground, bouncing back up.

It felt like everything was being washed away, fading into the storm.

Everything—except my emotions.

Instead, they became even clearer.

Even more painful.

The downpour struck against my heart, pounding relentlessly.