I glanced at the circuit on my wrist.
There was no vibration.
It was still functioning, as evident from the energy it produced, enough to power all the devices we used without issue.
For now, there wouldn’t be a problem transforming.
Still, my hope remained overshadowed by despair.
Yet… hope was troubling in its own way.
The public opinion had just started improving, but I still had countless battles ahead.
Words alone wouldn’t suffice; the world wasn’t on our side yet.
Probably never would be.
And until I personally landed a punch on the chairman’s face, I wouldn’t be able to quell my anger completely.
Then, Hayoon leaned her head gently against my shoulder.
She smelled nice.
Which made it all the more difficult.
I knew I shouldn’t feel hope in situations like this.
Just because Hayoon would willingly risk her life for me didn’t mean I should find hope in that.
I knew that, rationally.
I also knew it would be better to get out of here quickly.
But even so, I couldn’t bring myself to leave this spot.
The circuit gradually slowed down, its vibrations becoming barely perceptible.
I could feel it, though.
In just a few days, I had grown weaker.
So much so that all my past rage and fighting seemed meaningless.
That terrified me.
So I’d been contemplating a way to create some distance between Hayoon and myself.
Hayoon always followed me around no matter what I did, and I couldn’t exactly tell her to stop.
How could I, when she’d saved my life—not indirectly, but directly?
I had a conscience, after all.
The feelings of inferiority and jealousy still lingered.
Those clinging emotions were still there.
But I was scared I’d end up like the old me before I escaped.
Like the weak, helpless soldier I used to be.
So, I came up with an idea.
“Change the bath order?”
Rose turned her head as she said this.
After exchanging glances with the other magical girls, especially Hayoon, she looked back at me.
“Why? Don’t you like the idea?”
“No, it’s not that…”
I carefully chose my words.
I didn’t dislike it, really.
In fact, I liked it.
But liking it was precisely the problem—it was dangerous for me right now.
“We always have a set order for bathing, right? Sometimes, I want to go first, and other times, I’d rather go last. But it feels like Hayoon and I always go first.”
“Oh, have you ever wanted to go later?”
Rose interpreted my words in the most innocent way possible.
“If you’d just said so, we could’ve adjusted the order.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
I broke out in a nervous sweat as I spoke.
There came a moment of realization when I acknowledged that the reins of control had slipped from my grasp.
I found myself merely executing the directives that had been collectively agreed upon by the others.
It seemed like an inevitable transition.
While I stood isolated, there existed a quintet of magical girls around me.
Adhering to the guidelines they had established turned out to be more practical in many ways.
Interestingly, they never imposed these rules on me, allowing me to operate independently.
Whether I chose to burn the midnight oil or rise late the next day, they remained indifferent and continued with their routines.
They displayed no grievance when I devoured the meals they prepared or neglected the chore of washing dishes.
However, a sense of morality lingered within me.
I couldn’t persist in refusing them forever.
Lately, Hayoon had taken to slumbering next to me.
Eventually, if one of us stirred awake, the rest followed suit, making it an unavoidable circumstance.
…Ah, but that’s not what I was talking about, was it?
“How about we make it fair by deciding randomly? Like rock-paper-scissors or drawing lots?”
The magical girls exchanged glances among themselves again.
“…If you really want to, then I guess there’s no choice,” Rose said, tilting her head slightly.
I nodded.
“I want to. It’s fairer that way.”
I tried my best not to look at Hayoon, who was staring at me intently, as I said that.
Rose, for some reason, kept her gaze on Hayoon for a moment.
Then she let out a long sigh and shrugged her shoulders.
“Well, fine. If you insist. It’s not like we can’t rearrange the order later anyway.”
I felt a sense of relief wash over me as Rose responded positively, but internally, I was taken aback by my own reaction.
It suddenly dawned on me – wasn’t I the one who had established the rules for everyone in this situation?
How had I found myself seeking their approval in this manner?
The one peculiar reason behind my behavior was Hayoon.
For reasons that were completely distinct from before, I found myself unable to attain peace of mind.
It was challenging to articulate this feeling, as it was something intangible and elusive.
Avoiding Hayoon’s gaze, I noticed the way she was looking at me, a look reminiscent of how she had stared when I teased James earlier.
I couldn’t comprehend why she regarded me in such a way, and the thought of confronting her about it filled me with fear.
The idea of discussing our relationship and potentially realizing that we viewed things from opposing perspectives filled me with trepidation.
Even as I urged myself to remain distant from any hopeful expectations, I hesitated to push those feelings too far away.
Navigating this situation was proving to be frustrating, and changing my mindset was no easy task.
So I suggested we change the bath order under the pretext of “someone might want to go first.”
But when I finally spoke up, no one particularly cared about being first.
In the end, we decided on drawing lots.
It was a dumb idea, even to me.
There really wasn’t any need for such a fuss.
Still, since I pushed for it, I couldn’t complain now.
It was fortunate the others went along with it.
I ended up drawing lot number one.
Baths were taken in pairs, so naturally, I’d be going with whoever drew number two.
If Hayoon drew number two, nothing would change.
“…Ah.”
The person who drew number two wasn’t Hayoon—it was Iris.
Iris froze for a moment, her expression stiff.
Then she turned to look at me.
At first, I felt relieved.
I’d been so focused on creating a reason to distance myself from Hayoon that I hadn’t considered the second possibility.
But as Iris’s rigid expression and eyes locked with mine, the second realization hit me.
I should’ve thought of this sooner.
That’s right. I’d be bathing with Iris.
With a girl I wasn’t particularly close to.
Looking back, this whole lot-drawing idea might’ve been the dumbest thing I’d come up with since arriving here.
I tried not to glance at Hayoon.
“Well… so?”
Rose, holding the flimsy box of paper lots, broke the silence.
“What do you want to do? If you’re uncomfortable, we can draw again.”
I opened and closed my mouth a few times before coming to my senses.
No.
Maybe this was an opportunity.
Running away all the time wouldn’t solve anything.
At least I could push hope far away and keep despair… well.
At the very least, I wouldn’t indulge in hopeful thoughts.
With that resolve, I gripped the note tightly.
It was the moment I made what might be my second dumbest decision since coming here.