Chapter 40: The Weight of 9th Place

“…Mm.”

Well, it’s not like I dislike it or anything.  

But the human heart is a fickle thing—once I saw that I’d made it into the top 20, I could watch the First Ranking Announcement with a much lighter mind.

“10th place! A contestant with beautiful looks and a powerful, though not-so-pretty, acting style. It’s none other than Kwon Ha-bin!”

The fact that my name wasn’t called up to 10th place was a bit… no, honestly, it was quite unexpected.

‘And to think I’d rank higher than Kwon Ha-bin…’

It was truly something I hadn’t seen coming.

Kwon Ha-bin stepped onto the stage, eyes brimming with tears.

“10, 10th place… I never expected this, not at all. Thank you so much. I’ll work even harder and… sniff… repay you with even better acting!”

If it felt a bit forced, it was probably just because I didn’t have the best feelings toward that guy.  

Of course, I still clapped hard.

I had no desire to get wrapped up in useless drama about being jealous of another contestant’s rank.

“Whew! Now we’re entering the real upper ranks! The highly anticipated 9th place in the First Ranking Announcement is—!”

The word ‘9th place’ flashed large on the screen, and the vote count beneath it started rising rapidly.

“Unbelievable, it’s this person! With looks and acting skills to match, so many people must have fallen for him! It’s—Kim Jae-ha!”

“Waaaah!”

A cry—uncertain whether it was a cheer or a scream—rang out on set.  

It wasn’t from me, but from Hang-yeol, who’d been called for 12th place earlier and moved to the opposite seat.  

Applause and laughter rippled through the room.

After that, I barely remember how I made my way down to the stage.  

Even holding the mic, I stood there blankly, overwhelmed by a result far better than expected.  

The stage lights blurred my vision white, then cleared again and again.

That’s when I noticed Seo Eun-jae, still in the waiting area.  

I thought he’d be smiling, but his brows were tightly furrowed, and he looked like a kid barely holding back tears.

‘Is he crying?’

Why is he crying?

Honestly, he’s a real fool.

He told me he hated me because he couldn’t overcome his inferiority complex, and now he’s relieved I don’t hate him anymore.  

He’s not even the one whose rank was just announced, so why is he crying?

“Kim Jae-ha, you must be feeling a lot right now. Can we hear your thoughts?”

Seol-ha reeled my wandering mind back in at just the right moment.  

I took a quiet, deep breath and opened my mouth.

“Thank… you.”

I couldn’t help but let my voice tremble.

Part of me wanted to blurt out everything, but now wasn’t the time for that.  

Still, 9th place.  

As I savored the rank I’d been given, I felt tears prick at my eyes again.

“For someone like me, who’s nothing special… Thank you so much for voting for me. I’ll work even harder so every single vote from the PDs won’t go to waste.”

I held back my tears and said it once more.

“Thank you, truly.”

I bowed deeply.

Applause rained down on me.  

Not all of it was pure celebration, but just for this moment, I wanted to take it that way.

‘It’s only the first step, but—’

It felt like I didn’t have to think of myself as someone unwelcome here anymore.

***

With the end of the First Ranking Announcement, this round of Dormitory Training was over as well.  

The whole set, from the main hall to the corridors and waiting rooms, was a noisy mix of laughter and tears.  

Watching contestants hug their agency reps in joy, I quietly and quickly changed into my Casting Uniform in the waiting room.  

I pulled my ballcap low and headed straight for the elevator.

“Well, well, look who it is. Isn’t this the great star, Kim Jae-ha?”

Damn.

It was the Manager’s voice.  

I tried to ignore him and walk past, but he blocked my way and I missed my timing.  

I took off my cap and bowed politely.

“Long time no see.”

“Yeah. It’s been a while. Congratulations, huh? 9th place in the First Ranking Announcement.”

The way he said it was anything but congratulatory.  

He used to at least address me formally, calling me Jae-ha, but he didn’t even bother with that now.

“Thank you.”

“It’s honestly amazing, you know? A kid who shakes in front of people somehow manages to act all normal out there.”

He seemed to want to threaten me, like ‘We know your weakness.’  

But honestly, it didn’t faze me at all.

“Yeah, I’m curious too. If no one in the industry is planning to cast me because of my bad reputation, why is someone from Blue Night here?”

I had my own share of resentment.

“If you had a preferred candidate, you could’ve just said so. Almost made me think you did it on purpose.”

“You little—!”

The Manager snapped, but that was it.  

I deliberately kept my expression cold as I looked down at him.

“I’m not your artist anymore, so you might want to watch what you say. I’ll be going now.”

I didn’t want to waste any more words.  

As I passed him, he muttered quietly.

“I’m only saying this because I pity you—enjoy this while it lasts. It won’t come again.”

“And you’ll regret leaving Blue Night, you know.”

“Oh? Is there something I should know?”

“What?”

“You just seem so confident that I’ll fail from here on out.”

For a moment, a flicker of realization crossed the Manager’s face.

“I’m curious too. Let’s see what happens.”

“Ding”—the elevator arrived.  

I got in, passing right by him.

He didn’t try to stop me again.

I left through the back door of the building and caught a taxi.  

After telling the driver my destination, I slumped back into the seat.  

My hand, which had unconsciously clenched into a fist during the conversation, tingled with leftover tension.

“Haa…”

I’d talked big, but honestly, the future was uncertain.

Especially the agency issue.

Would any agency even take me?  

With a sigh, I felt my phone vibrate in my hand.

[Seo Eun-jae: Congrats, brother]

It was a message from Seo Eun-jae, who hadn’t been able to talk much at the end since there were company reps around.  

Seeing the Squirrel emoji setting off fireworks made me feel a little better.

Yeah, for now, let’s focus on the fact that I got a good rank today.

[I should congratulate you for 1st place too]

Of course, Seo Eun-jae took 1st place.  

He didn’t cry, but he did give a happy speech.

‘And to our Jae-ha brother. Always, thank you so much.’

He probably didn’t need to say that, but whatever.

After sending my reply, I wondered if it was too dry, so I quickly added another line.

[Seriously.]

Was that too much?  

But the reply came quickly and blew away my worries.

[Seo Eun-jae: Then buy me a drink, brother]

‘A drink? Out of nowhere?’

[?]

[Seo Eun-jae: You promised to teach me to drink when I became an adult. Don’t you remember?]

A crying Squirrel emoji arrived with the message.

‘Did I really make a promise like that…?’

Honestly, I can’t remember.  

But knowing my old trainee self, I was probably worried he’d get dragged into drinking by some clueless seniors and made that promise.

‘So until then, don’t even touch alcohol!’

That’s probably what I really wanted to say.

But wait, Seo Eun-jae is already 24?  

He’s been an adult for four years now.  

He probably just wants to meet up outside.

‘But meeting up in public is a bit…’

Let’s not forget: Seo Eun-jae is the center of a popular Idol group.  

His face stands out anywhere.  

Even if he covers up with a hat and mask, his physique is impossible to hide.

After a moment’s hesitation, I typed my reply.

[Wanna come over to my place?]

[Seo Eun-jae: Yes!!!]

He answered instantly, with a Squirrel emoji jumping up and down in excitement.  

There’s nothing squirrel-like about Seo Eun-jae’s build, but maybe it’s those gentle eyes, or a strange kind of cuteness…

‘He really does resemble that Squirrel emoji.’

I imagined Seo Eun-jae as the Squirrel for a moment, then sent a message about contacting him soon and wrapped up the chat.

***

Back at my apartment, after a short nap, I started catching up on all the monitoring I’d missed.

[All the Leader fans, gather up]

-He’s not an Idol, but check out Kim Jae-ha on , seriously, try it

-Kim Jae-ha could’ve made it big as an Idol too.  

-He always looks out for those around him—such a waste

-Kim Jae-ha (25 years old. Former child Actor, former Idol, now Actor)

-I started liking him after seeing his leader side lol.  

-I always picked the leader in Idol groups too, but I got a bit disappointed when I saw the spoiler about him and Seo Eun-jae being on the same team in the second round…

-I liked how he picked the first and took the lower-ranked kids

-He probably picked to stand out lol

-Stop calling him an Idol, he’s not one anymoreㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

-lol if you’re really a Jae-ha fan, don’t react to posts like this.  

-They’re clearly just trying to stir up trouble.

-It’s a compliment, how is that stirring trouble? Jae-ha fans are so sensitive~

-I doubt you’d understand even if I explained~~

There were still a few posts on famous communities emphasizing my role as a leader.  

But unlike before, when comments were all supportive, there were now a few dissenting voices.

-Sorry, but I can’t go along with those pushing the Arrogant Mother Bird role.  

-Feel free to block/unfollow me, or I’ll do it if I see you on my timeline.

-Who is the Arrogant Mother Bird even for?  

-We’re only two episodes in, can we not lock in character tropes already

-Seriously, those pushing the Arrogant Mother Bird as the ‘true leader (ugh)’ are just trying to control the narrative, not real fans

-This isn’t an Idol group formation show, please chill out

Fans on my personal SNS were reacting in almost exactly the same way.

So I wasn’t the only one who found the discourse strange…

It was both a relief to see others felt the same, and oddly fascinating to read their thoughts.

‘…The mentions have really gone up.’

Compared to searching SNS after the first episode, the volume was on another level.

-I’ll stick with people who love Jae-ha for who he is, no matter what!

-Stop talking nonsense and go vote~ Link: http://…….

-Here’s the link for the Jae-ha subway billboard ad fundraiser.

As I scrolled, a photo suddenly caught my eye.

-Is this how a guy like, this actually looks like a dumpling?!

‘This is…’