Chapter 24: Disbandments and Debuts

[The God, “Butterfly’s Wingbeat,” declares that even more maddening missions await!]  

“Someone’s having a blast.”  

No matter how I turned it over in my mind, the one having the most fun right now was none other than our sponsoring deity.  

***

The next day, I dragged myself out of bed in my tiny apartment, groggy as if I’d been knocked out cold. 

My phone buzzed with a backlog of messages I hadn’t answered. 

Amid the chaos, I noticed there wasn’t a single ping from Seo Eun-jae. 

I was about to keep my promise to reach out first, my thumb hovering over the screen to type a message, when a nagging feeling stopped me.  

“Something big happened around this time, didn’t it?”  

Tomorrow was the grand premiere of (Casting With My Own Hand!). 

Before I died, something had exploded the day before the first episode aired. 

Just to be sure, I opened a portal app and scrolled to the entertainment section.  

[Idol Group ‘Dreamer’ Officially Disbands… Unable to Overcome the 7-Year Curse]  

That’s right. 

Today was the day Dreamer’s official disbandment announcement dropped.  

– Is this for real? Seven years of grinding, and all we get is a breakup?  

– LOL, these days, idols barely ever fail to renew contracts, and yet here we are. Certified from start to finish as a business transaction, huh?  

The reactions from Dreamer fans on online forums were mostly along the lines of, “I didn’t see this coming, but…” 

But when I logged onto SNS and typed in Seo Eun-jae’s search-avoidance keywords, the responses were far less restrained.

– Anyone out there who ‘didn’t’ see this disbandment coming?  

– Yo, finally free from those annoying all-fandom weirdos. Sayonara!  

– In the end, the company only got eyes for our Wagi, lol. Those stans who dragged our boy while hyping their faves must be seething right now~~  

Seo Eun-jae’s fans were practically dancing with glee, as if they’d just had a tooth pulled. 

With the recent teasers confirming his appearance on (Casting With My Own Hand!), the signs were good. 

Sure, opinions might split over his pivot to acting or his participation in a survival audition, but it was undeniable: the company was pushing Seo Eun-jae into solo activities right after the disbandment.  

Even I had to admit, the other members’ fans had been overly harsh on him. 

And the members who egged it on weren’t exactly saints either.  

“Still, that’s not what’s in Seo Eun-jae’s heart, is it?”  

He’s a softie, too sentimental for his own good. 

He couldn’t have been oblivious to the way the others checked him, but he probably just swallowed it all down.  

And me? 

Am I any different?  

“…I was such a piece of trash.”  

To Seo Eun-jae, I was probably just another one of those people. 

And yet, the fool couldn’t let go of me.  

I tore my eyes from the phone and stared at the ceiling, swallowed by the dark.  

Honestly, I still don’t know. 

How am I supposed to treat Seo Eun-jae? 

He still seems to see me as some kind of grateful older brother, but the problem is me.  

“Am I confident I won’t fall back into that pit of inferiority?”  

No confidence at all. 

I’d spent too long envying and hating him. 

Plus, I know his future. 

I know he’s someone I don’t need to waste my energy on. 

And yet, here I am, meddling in his life. 

Deep down, I’d thought about using our connection, just like those opportunistic jerks.  

“But…”  

There was something else, too. 

Before I died, I was so fixated on Seo Eun-jae’s achievements that I never saw the struggles he faced. 

Seeing them up close now, I couldn’t just look away. 

I didn’t want to become like those people.  

“More than anything, I’ve already found my own path.”  

Before I died, my limits were clear, but I broke through and acted in a way that was true to me. 

I’d achieved results I could be proud of, tasted the faint sweetness of success. 

Back then, I was too swamped with sudden schedules to reflect deeply, but coming back to life and crossing paths with Seo Eun-jae made it clear.  

“From the start, Seo Eun-jae and I were on different roads.”  

It sounds so obvious now. 

But when you’re drowning in jealousy and inferiority, it’s a truth you forget. 

If I hadn’t died and come back to this moment, if I hadn’t faced Seo Eun-jae, I might never have realized it.  

So maybe it’s okay to trust myself a little.  

I turned on my darkened phone. 

My fingers lingered over the screen before I opened the messaging app. 

Typing “Seo Eun-jae,” his saved number popped up. 

I selected it and wrote: [Have you eaten?]  

Only after sending it did I worry—what if his number changed?  

But a reply came almost instantly.  

[Not yet. You?]  

“Thank God his number the same.”  

Relief washed over me as I typed back.  

[I ate already. Go eat something. You’re tall, you need it.]  

Truth is, I hadn’t eaten. 

I’d been sleeping all day—how could I? 

But let’s call it a white lie.  

I sent another message right after.  

[Eat, digest, and sleep. Sleep’s the best.]  

I’m terrible at comforting people. 

Flowery words aren’t my thing. 

So this—this is me doing my best.  

“Though I know telling him to sleep right off the bat isn’t exactly ideal.”  

Still, in times like these, a full stomach and a good nap are the way to go. 

Staring at a phone screen all day is a one-way ticket to a mental breakdown.  

[Okay, lol. You too, Brother.]  

[Alright, put the phone down, eat, and sleep.]  

[Got it.]  

“He answers well, at least.”  

I wasn’t sure if Seo Eun-jae would actually listen. 

Back when we were kids, he probably would’ve. 

But we’re not the 16 and 15 year-old trainees we used to be.  

[Sleep well.]  

After a moment’s hesitation, I sent a wish for his peace.  

[Don’t even dream. Just sleep.]  

His reply came at dawn the next day.  

[Thanks.]   

***

And with that, the morning of (Casting With My Own Hand’s!) premiere arrived.

“Jae-ha, try this too. You love grilled mackerel, don’t you?”  

Summoned to my aunt’s house in broad daylight, I was being spoiled beyond reason. 

Even as she fussed over me, my aunt didn’t neglect her son, Yoon Jiwon—Nameless man, the nameless one—sitting beside me. 

Her hands moved with such swift precision, deboning fish for each of our bowls.  

“Auntie, we can handle it. You should eat too.”  

“Yeah, Mom. We’ve got this. The braised ribs are amazing—try them!”  

Nameless man backed me up, his words so natural I couldn’t help but grip my chopsticks tighter.  

“Oh, what, you think you made these ribs or something?”  

My aunt shot Nameless man a playful glare, but her smile was warm, radiant. 

It was the face of someone unmistakably happy. 

I didn’t know whether to love or hate that sight. 

Instead, I just picked up a piece of braised rib and placed it in her bowl.  

“Eat, Auntie. You will love these ribs.”  

“Haha! Oh, I’m spoiled, spoiled by my boys.”  

‘Spoiled, my foot…’  

Without planning it, the Nameless man and I put on a little performance for her. 

He washed and peeled fruit, I fed her a piece, we brewed her coffee, and I nodded along enthusiastically to stories about my cousin Yoon Jiwon that I didn’t even remember.

“Right? Jae-ha was so cute back then.” 

“Shut it, Jiwon.”  

I smacked  Nameless man’s thigh under the table. 

That comment crossed a line.  

Just a few hours of playing along, and suddenly it was an hour before (Casting With My Own Hand!) aired. 

My aunt tried to hide it, but her nervous excitement was obvious, and it didn’t exactly feel great to see.  

“I was planning to watch it alone at home.”  

I’d turned down Hang-yeol and the Three Musketeers’ invites to watch together. 

Seo Eun-jae was probably too overwhelmed to suggest anything. 

But then, out of nowhere, my aunt had summoned me.  

“Why does she keep glancing at the front door?”  

Was someone else coming? 

Before I could dwell on it, the doorbell rang. 

My aunt bolted to answer it, and who should appear but…

“Jae-ha! Your mom’s here!”  

…My mother.  

How long has it been since I watched a broadcast with her? 

It felt like something we did often when I was little, but even that memory was so hazy I wondered if it was real.  

“Auntie.”  

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a pang of resentment. 

My mother, who’d opposed my return to acting more than anyone, was here to watch (Casting With My Own Hand!) with me. 

My aunt gave me an apologetic look, squeezing my hand briefly before letting go.  

“Your mom says she watches everything you’re in, you know?”  

No way. 

I’d heard that line before I died, but I didn’t believe it then, and I don’t believe it now.  

“I’m sorry for setting this up without telling you. But…”  

She trailed off, unable to finish. 

I knew staying there would only make her feel worse, so I muttered a quick “It’s fine” and excused myself to the bathroom. 

I splashed cold water on my face, over and over, before returning. 

The living room TV was set up with snacks, and the three of them sat at a careful distance from one another.  

I checked the time—ten minutes until the broadcast. 

I walked slowly and took a seat. 

Diagonally across from me was my mother. 

I glanced at her profile as she stared straight ahead, then turned my focus to the TV. 

After what felt like endless commercials, it began.  

“Hello, everyone! Welcome to (Casting With My Own Hand!)! I’m your MC, Seol Ha!”  

Episode 1 of (Casting With My Own Hand!) was underway.  

***

[Anyone watching (Casting With My Own Hand!)?]  

Let’s go!  

First-ever actor survival audition, so hyped!  

– Here for Seo Eun-jae.  

– They’re really doing actor survival auditions now? LOL  

– Academic consensus says this show was made for Seo Eun-jae.  

– What’s this show even about?  

– Picking the lead for the ‘Amelia’s Flower Shop’ remake through audience votes.  

– ‘Amelia’s Flower Shop’ is my all-time favourite drama. Just redo it with the original cast!  

– They’re too old now, lol.  

– ‘Amelia’s Flower Shop’ is a masterpiece, but sprinkling idols into a remake of a perfect drama…  

– Why’s Seo Eun-jae suddenly acting? 

– Has he even done a cameo before?  

└ Nope. Probably thinks acting’s easy, lol.  

└ Watch your mouth, or you’ll get a PDF lawsuit.  

└ W-w-watch y-your m-mouth, or y-you’ll g-get a P-PDF l-lawsuit~~  

└ Dreamcatcher stans, take the hint and buzz off.  

– Oh, but the mentor lineup is actually pretty solid.  

– LOL, they’re calling him Soul now?  

└ From now on, he’s Soul-za!  

└ LMAO, Soul-za fits perfectly.  

– ★ Please vote for our Sankmi’s genius actor Kwon Ha-bin! Link: http://program.tvsing.com/tvs/myactor/vote/Board/List ★  

– ★ Please vote for our Sankmi’s genius actor Kwon Ha-bin! Link: http://program.tvsing.com/tvs/myactor/vote/Board/List ★  

– ★ Please vote for our Sankmi’s genius actor Kwon Ha-bin! Link: http://program.tvsing.com/tvs/myactor/vote/Board/List ★