The heat that seemed as though it would burn everything down suddenly subsided.
At the same time, the two spirits blinked a couple of times and looked at each other.
[D-Did that human just speak our language?]
[I think I misheard.]
I opened my mouth again.
[You heard correctly. I hope you aren’t too surprised.]
My mouth opened, but no voice came out.
Instead, a subtle vibration of mana flew directly toward them.
The confusion quickly turned to surprise, and soon to sheer astonishment.
[This… this is impossible. Not even a fairy, but how can a human speak the language of spirits?]
[Are you perhaps a spirit mage? Or a wizard?]
[You don’t smell like our kind.]
The blazing face came closer and sniffed a few times.
Then, [No, you’re a being with no mana at all!]
It stepped back, as if it had seen something that shouldn’t exist.
[What are you, exactly?]
I seized the moment and took a step forward.
[Allow me to introduce myself again. My name is Nathan Kell.]
I adjusted my posture and straightened my slightly singed uniform.
[I am the chief inspector at the southern border immigration office.]
Now that we could communicate, let’s solve the real problem.
I first started feeling something was off around the age of fifteen.
“Wolf-wolf-wolf-wolf.”
“Woof, growl, woof!”
“Wolf-wolf-wolf.”
What should have sounded like a werewolf’s growls suddenly became understandable.
“Grilled meat is good, but nothing beats fresh, dripping raw meat. Humans just don’t get it.”
“When I gave them the freshly caught pork as a gift, they freaked out. The wolf was embarrassed. I bet they’d like beef, though.”
“Goblin bones are okay too. They have a nice crunch.”
At first, I thought I must have misheard.
After always hearing barking, suddenly hearing human speech, I thought it was a dream.
But it wasn’t.
The Rune Language, spoken by the magical elves, was something I began understanding when I was seventeen.
“Yahap! Liara Denikh Hosudarnia!”
“Feyari Surumates!”
The elegant voices that echoed in the training ground mostly said things like this.
“Yahap! Ahh, fiery breath!”
“Freezing wall of ice!”
If they knew that this complicated and lofty language actually invoked magic with such childish phrases, I wonder what the human mages at the magic tower would think.
They spent decades studying the profoundness of the Rune Language and the world’s truth, only to find out that the language they studied was at a kindergarten level.
When I turned nineteen, I was able to understand and speak every language in the world simultaneously.
At this point, I realized this was something beyond either genius or madness.
“Talent manifestation. Congratulations.”
In a voice tinged with disbelief, the priest at the cathedral said these words as he removed his hands from the crystal ball.
My family could not speak a word.
Talent manifestation.
A mysterious phenomenon said to be a blessing from the gods, appearing only for those chosen.
This was exactly what happened to me.
And this led to my special recruitment by the kingdom as an immigration inspector.
There’s a short story in that too.
‘From the son of a mere common merchant to the highest-ranking inspector at the southern border immigration office.’
A story with an unbelievable plot, almost like something out of a street novel.
[Just because we can speak your language doesn’t change anything!]
[Exactly! No matter how you did it, it doesn’t calm our anger! Our fury is as hot as a thousand burning suns!]
The two spirits, recovering from their shock, shouted again, spewing pillars of flame and heat.
It was a bit odd for them to still be showing signs of surprise, but considering the underlying problem hadn’t been solved, it made sense.
[I understand. That’s why I’m here. If you tell me what made you both so angry, I’ll do my best to help.]
As soon as my words finished, the spirits angrily pointed towards the distant taste office.
[That vile water girl who insulted us will pay the price before we stop burning!]
[Yes! We’ll burn and burn! Blaze on!]
‘Wait, water?’
‘Why did they mention “water”? Spirits of fire hate water more than anything.’
‘Girl, water, and insult.’
Piecing the key words together in my mind, I came up with a scenario.
‘The inexperienced taste office clerk must have mistakenly mentioned water to the fire spirits. And they took it as an insult.’
It made sense.
It was the most plausible explanation.
The taste office clerk had been in the job for less than a month, so he likely lacked knowledge of other races and their etiquette.
Unknowingly, he must have committed an offense.
It was like calling a werewolf “dog hands” without realizing it.
It was an obvious mistake.
Species discrimination due to ignorance.
A common mistake made by rookie immigration inspectors.
‘This is why I told the other inspectors to keep an eye on the taste office clerk.’
‘But now, these idiots are ignoring the superior’s orders and running off on Friday?’
‘No, not now.’
I suppressed the boiling rage as best as I could.
Now wasn’t the time for me to lose my temper.
I could deal with that on Monday.
For now, I had to start by apologizing.
[Let me apologize on behalf of the inspector. It seems he is still inexperienced with other races, which led to this mistake. I’ll make sure he gets further training.]
[Inexperienced? Do you think such a horrific insult came from mere inexperience?]
With a snort, flames erupted from the spirit.
The one behind it stomped its feet, seemingly in agreement.
‘Hmm, something’s off.’
The fire spirits’ anger is way too intense.
Even if they were angry, they wouldn’t have gone so far as to scorch the entire area.
Not even if water was involved.
No matter how much they hate water, fire spirits don’t get this hysterical unless…
I paused.
No way.
‘Did it really happen?’
***
[If it’s not too much trouble, could you tell me exactly what the inspector did wrong?]
[You still don’t know? You apologized to us without knowing!]
[It’s hard to judge from only one side, so I thought I should hear the insulted party’s side as well.]
[That arrogant one splashed water on us! A whole bucket! Water, water, he splashed water on us!]
It really happened.
The fury that surged was as high as the fire pillar reaching into the sky.
I turned towards the taste office clerk, who had been blankly listening to our conversation.
“Taste Oooofffffiiiiiice!”
“Y-Yes! Yes!”
She jumped up as if struck by lightning, rushing over to me.
“W-What happened…?”
“Are you insane? You splashed water on the fire spirits!?”
“H-Huh! How…?”
I must have misheard.
“Really? Did you really do that? Please tell me no.”
I asked, emphasizing each word as I hoped for a different answer.
And with a small voice that could barely be heard, the taste office clerk gave the most absurd answer.
“Well, fire cools down when water is thrown on it, so I just thought I’d help cool it off quickly…”
‘Oh my god.’
“Do you drink seawater when you’re thirsty? Do you burn down your house when it’s cold?”
‘Just think about it for a second—what would happen if you splashed water on a species made entirely of fire?’
‘It’s an attempted murder. No, an attempted spiriticide.’
‘Who on earth doesn’t know that fire and water are enemies!?’
“I-I’m so sorry!”
“No, this is basic common sense… sigh, never mind, we’ll talk later.”
‘Ah, my blood pressure.’
I have to hold it together.
It’s not time yet.
It can wait until later, when I can lash out as much as I want.
But right now, calming down the spirits in front of me is the priority.
[We apologize. This is clearly a mistake on the part of the main office.]
[It’s already too late. We gave that girl enough chances to apologize, but she never said a word! We demand punishment!]
The fire spirit, clearly enraged, was heating up and seemed ready to burn everything in sight.
[What do you mean by punishment?]
[Since she tried to kill us, she must offer her life in return. We will purify her body with fire.]
Ah, this is bad.
“Chief, what did they just say?”
“They say they want to burn the Taste office alive to satisfy their anger.”
“Yikes!”
Hearing that, the Taste Officer had a fit and hid behind me.
“P-Please, spare me! Spare me, please!”
“It’s very hard to reverse a decision once it’s been made,” the spirits said.
Sorry, I didn’t know they’d be this mad.
[Would you two be willing to forgive his with your great generosity?]
[No way! Give us the girl!]
They’re completely unyielding.
There’s nothing else I can do.
‘If I can’t reason with them or get an apology, I’ll have to use force on our side.’
Just as I was about to signal to my attendants, the spirit spoke again.
[Do you think we will just overlook this impudence on a peaceful return journey, human?]
‘Wait, peaceful return journey?’
That word sparked an idea in my mind like a flash of lightning.
‘I see a solution!’
[How long do you plan to stay in the Crossroads Kingdom?]
[Hmm? Well… we’ve traveled a long way, so we’ll rest for three days before heading to the western volcanic area. I hear the Red Dragon’s egg is about to hatch.]
Three days.
That’s a fairly long time.
That means they’ll need a place to stay and something to eat.
And all of that will add up to costs.
[Have you already found a place to stay?]
[No, we still have to find one ourselves. But I’m not sure if there’s a place that can accommodate fire spirits like us.]
Another spirit nodded with a worried expression, as if in agreement.
There’s a problem.
And I have the power to solve it.
In that case, there’s only one thing to do.
Start negotiating.
[If you don’t mind, as an apology, we’ll offer you the finest accommodations and firewood for the duration of your stay.]
[What?]
I used the business tricks I learned as the eldest son of a merchant family.
Strike first (offer a big gift).
The fire spirits’ main diet is firewood.
They can burn anything, but their favorite food is firewood.
But right now, it’s late autumn, and firewood prices are skyrocketing.
And as for accommodations…
If they sleep in a regular bed, it’ll be burned up in no time, so I’ll have to find them a stone-made inn.
But stone inns are expensive, nearly double the cost of a normal inn.
‘In other words, staying for three days will cost quite a bit.’
‘What if I take care of these two difficult conditions first?’
[The Crossroads Kingdom welcomes everyone who comes for peaceful purposes. But considering the great offense you’ve suffered, how about we take care of your needs during your stay here, as an apology?]
[Hmm… but since I’ve been insulted, I believe proper punishment is necessary…]
The blue flame turned red.
That’s a sign the anger is starting to subside.
‘See? I knew it.’
This is the perfect way to handle it.
The fire spirits are nice because their true feelings show in the color of their flames.
Now, I just need to add a little more push while their hearts waver.
[If you wish, we can provide you with a room with a fireplace. You’ll be able to rest comfortably.]
[A fireplace? Really?]
[And we’ll give you four pieces of charcoal a day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a late-night snack!]
[Really!?]
Charcoal is more precious than firewood.
It burns for a long time, reaching high temperatures and giving off a pure, delicious aroma.
This is a 1+1 offer—no one could possibly turn this down.
Even a person who’s usually stingy and petty would give in to this.
Even someone who never forgives a grudge would say, ‘Well, I guess I’ll let it slide.’
The flame color shifted completely to red.
It was almost orange.
This is the perfect time for a finishing blow.
I spread my four fingers and said seriously.
[We’ll give you premium charcoal.]
And that was the final move.
The orange flames, as beautiful as the evening sunset, danced before my eyes.
The two fire spirits, no longer angry, nodded with content smiles.
[We’ll forgive the young officer. It was a mistake due to ignorance. If you’re careful in the future, it’s fine.]
[Thank you for your generosity, worthy descendants of fire.]
Look at those gracious smiles.
They’re absolutely beautiful.
The Taste Officer, still not understanding what had just happened, was pulled by the back of the neck and forced to bow.
“Uh? Chief?”
“Just bow, it’s all settled.”
And with that, everything was resolved quickly.
The immigration documents were stamped, and the attendants, who had quickly prepared the ‘Foreign Ministry Guarantee Check’ and fireproofed it, handed it out.
Finally, the fire spirits crossed the border.
***
[Welcome to the Crossroads Kingdom. We hope you have a pleasant stay.]
[You’ve done well, human who speaks the language of spirits.]
Once the spirits were far enough away, the Taste Officer sighed and said, “Is it over…?”
“Yes. It’s all taken care of.”
“Thank you. You saved me, Chief!” Wow!
“You did well too. Even though it’s late, you tried your best to fulfill your duties.”
“Now can we all go home?” The Taste Officer smiled sheepishly, scratching her cheek.
Her words made the attendants’ eyes light up.
In their eyes, the words ‘off’ and ‘work’ were written.
I nodded.
“Yes. You may leave now.”
“Hooray!”
“Except for the Taste Officer.”
“Huh?”
As soon as I said that, the two attendants quickly vanished, muttering, “Thank you,” in less than two seconds.
Only the two of us remained.
“Chief?” the Taste Officer asked.
“Yes?”
“Everything’s settled now. So why don’t you stay and receive additional training?”
“Uh? Huhhhhh??”
Her face turned pale, as if she had just seen a fire spirit.
Almost as red as the spirits I had seen earlier.
“The main office will take away the weekend, so you’ll be coming here for training today, tomorrow, and the day after. We’ll make sure you get properly educated.”
Right now, the weekend doesn’t matter.
‘How can someone who doesn’t even know basic etiquette between species call themselves an officer?’
I’ll teach her again.
Until it’s engraved in her brain, in her skull.
“This… this is overtime! It’s illegal!” she said, voice shaking.
‘Oh? Now she’s talking about the law.’
At least she’s quick on her feet.
But it doesn’t matter.
“If we pay overtime and special work bonuses, it’s legal.”
“I’ll pay her well.”
“But she’s staying.”
“No! No, I don’t want to! Please, stop!”
“It’s happening.”
And that was the end of it.
—grab
I grabbed the Taste Officer by the back of the neck.
—drag drag drag
Her screams, like a lamb being dragged to slaughter, never reached the outside world.
For the rest of the weekend, the Taste Officer had to memorize the “Encyclopedia of Continental Species Features” until he could recite all 12 volumes.
Next up: the olfactory, auditory, and tactile officers.
You’re all next.
You’re done for.