After the battle at the border of the Carat Dutchy, Elfin couldn’t bear how pathetic she was.
She had collapsed simply from moving, having completely drained her mana, and when the crucial moment—the actual battle—came, she was completely out of commission, unable to do anything.
When she regained consciousness from lying unconscious in bed, she forced her barely-moving body to the battlefield.
She managed to disrupt the enemy forces that were confronting Ravi and Lenis, but that was all.
After squeezing out every last ounce of her strength, she collapsed once again, ultimately ending up being carried by Ravi.
Just the fact that she had exhausted herself merely from transportation and was unable to participate in the battle was already humiliating enough, but what made it even worse was what happened next.
It seemed that the battle at the border had served as a foundation for immense growth—both Ravi and Lenis had gained a tremendous increase in mana and had become incomparably stronger than before.
They had never explicitly boasted about their newfound strength in front of her, but as an elf, Elfin had a naturally heightened sensitivity to mana and nature.
Just by looking at them, she could tell how much they had changed.
Ravi and Lenis had grown astonishingly powerful, and compared to them, she was…
‘Pathetically weak…’
A crushing wave of self-loathing surged over Elfin like a tsunami.
While those two had been fighting for their lives, she had collapsed, sprawled out, doing nothing but sleeping.
And at the very last moment, all she had managed to do was bind the enemy’s movements slightly.
Ravi and Lenis had become so much stronger than they had been during their academy days, yet she remained stagnant at that same level.
To be precise, she had grown stronger than she had been at the academy, but that was only because Alvis had given her the Miracle Boots of Life without asking for anything in return.
‘What have I even accomplished? Since graduating from the academy, have I achieved anything at all? Have I ever truly done anything?’
Drowning in self-doubt, Elfin clutched her head and forced herself to recall the past.
It had all started when they went to the Carat Dutchy to discuss countermeasures after the Holy Knight Bryden’s sacred sword failed to shine—that’s when she met Alvis.
The mission to clear the gargoyle cave in the Presia Mountains… that had only been possible because Alvis had discovered the entrance.
Rescuing Lenis in Liberta… that was only successful because Alvis had exploded a flash of light, blinding the outlaws.
The battle against Vector… her plant summoning ability had been blocked, leaving her standing there, useless, merely watching.
The day a cursed mist spread through her homeland, Arboness, and the Black Hound rampaged, putting her entire clan on the brink of extinction… even then, she had only barely managed to stall for time using the power of the boots Alvis had given her, but she hadn’t actually resolved the situation.
Until Alvis arrived, all she could do was protect a handful of people while thousands of her kin perished in the mist.
And as for the battle against the Black Hound, they only won because Alvis had fought with every last ounce of his strength—she hadn’t contributed anything meaningful.
Despite not accomplishing anything, she had received a powerful piece of equipment from Alvis, whom she had despised during their academy days.
She had been of little use in battle, yet instead of repaying her debts, she had only increased them—her entire clan now owed their lives to him as well.
And now, after all that, she had once again collapsed from simply transporting her comrades, draining her mana and becoming nothing but a burden.
Meanwhile, the two who had fought alongside her had grown so strong that they had completely surpassed her.
‘Pathetic… pathetic… I’m so unbelievably pathetic!!!’
The more Elfin thought about it, the more absurdly useless she felt—she was beyond even being angry at herself.
What had she even been doing all this time?
Back in the academy, out of all the students, the only ones stronger than her were Bryden and Celine.
Ravi had the exceptional physical abilities characteristic of the Bunny Tribe, but due to his lack of combat experience, he couldn’t fully utilize his strengths.
Lenis, on the other hand, had a well-known but unspoken flaw—he neglected the fundamentals and was overly obsessed with flashy techniques, causing his growth to stagnate.
But now, just a few months after graduation…
The one who had failed to utilize her strengths properly and had stopped growing wasn’t anyone else—it was Elfin herself.
‘Why…? How did it come to this…? It’s not like I’ve been neglecting my training… I take pride in being an elf, but I never arrogantly assumed I would always be superior… So why am I like this? Why on earth…?’
Endless self-loathing gnawed at Elfin as she gripped her head tighter, yanking at her own hair.
And finally, she reached a single conclusion.
‘I’ve… been too lenient with myself.’
She had trained hard.
She had never thought of herself as superior to others… But that was just what she told herself.
In reality, she hadn’t been training as hard as she thought.
She was nothing more than an arrogant elf who had taken it for granted that she would always be above others.
If that wasn’t the case, then how could she explain her current pathetic state?
If she had truly trained diligently and wasn’t overconfident, then ending up like this would be unbearably cruel and miserable—it would be impossible to accept with a sound mind.
And so, her mind activated its defense mechanism.
It was easier to believe that this was simply the result of her own laziness and arrogance.
From that moment on, Elfin trained obsessively, as if possessed.
In truth, she hadn’t been neglecting her training, nor had she been arrogant.
It was simply that circumstances had been unkind to her.
But her mind and heart refused to accept that reality.
Even if she died from overtraining, she wouldn’t stop.
Pushing herself like a demon, Elfin relentlessly drove herself to the limit.
But as time passed, her mental state deteriorated to the breaking point—until once again, Alvis was the one to extend a hand to her.
When Elfin heard Alvis’s sincere words of comfort, the whip she had been using to punish herself slipped from her grasp, and she collapsed to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Hhic… ah-hic… huhuhuahh! Waaaah! Y-you… Who do you think you are…! Who are you to pity me… to feel sorry for me…! I don’t need that! Don’t look at me with those eyes! This is all… this all happened because I was weak! Because I was lazy and arrogant, this is what I deserve! So I’ll keep training! Get out of my way! Don’t stop me! I—”
“Do you really think you’re useless?”
“……”
Elfin falling into this state wasn’t uncommon in Holy Warrior Bryden NX.
In the original light novel Loveholic, Elfin had immense pride in her own abilities and as an elf.
However, the trash game Holy Warrior Bryden NX twisted that pride in a cruel way—whenever Elfin fell behind in the party’s growth, she reacted exactly like this.
In the game, whenever her level or equipment lagged behind, all of her confidence would shatter, leading to extreme mental instability.
She would say things like, “I’m useless,” or “This is my own fault for being lazy,” or “No one needs me,” or even “I have no choice but to get stronger until someone does.”
This kind of menhera-like behavior, pushing herself to the extreme and obsessing over strength to a pathological degree—that was exactly what was happening now.
Of course, Crusader Bryden NX was a garbage game, so it was obvious that Elfin’s mental state would deteriorate, yet there was absolutely no system in place to support her psychologically.
Once her mental state started to crumble, and the player failed to provide any care, Elfin’s condition worsened day by day.
Typically, she ended up in one of two ways:
She would try to prove her worth by recklessly picking a fight with an opponent far beyond her capabilities, only to return as a corpse.
Or she would fall for the temptations of groups like the Dark Shadow Mercenaries, who would whisper, “Do you seek power?”, leading her down the path of corruption and making her an enemy.
No matter what, there was never a happy ending for Elfin.
But while this world was based on the garbage game Crusader Bryden NX, I could at least attempt to provide her with some mental care.
The lack of this one form of support had caused me to curse endlessly while playing the game.
So, from the moment I noticed the signs, I had been preparing to shower her with encouragement.
“Do you really think you were useless? Why? When we fought Vector, only I could face him—so that wasn’t even an issue. Back then, Ravi and Lenis were in the same position, weren’t they?”
“You… What do you even know…”
“And in Arboness? By the time we arrived, the entire place had already been consumed by the mist. It wouldn’t have been strange if everyone had died long before. Yet, more than half of the elves had managed to hold on until then—thanks to whom? Was that because of me? I wasn’t even there.”
“But… but in the end, all I did was hold out… I didn’t actually resolve anything…”
“You were the one who best utilized Arboness’s environmental advantages. You were also the one who snapped the elves out of their despair, when they were prepared to perish with the burning Divine Tree, and led them to evacuate. You even pinned down the Black Dog’s body using the tree’s roots, securing a decisive attack opportunity. Could I, or Ravi, or Lenis have done what you did? I’m absolutely sure we couldn’t have.”
Tears welled up in Elfin’s eyes as she sniffled.
“But… but during the last battle, I… I didn’t do anything…”
“If you hadn’t been there, we wouldn’t have even made it that far. Sure, Ravi might have reached the destination, but he would have been completely exhausted by then, unable to fight those Dark Shadow Mercenary executives. He would have been outnumbered and killed in a 2v1 fight instead.
If you hadn’t been there, a full-scale war would have broken out between the Empire and the Carat Dutchy, and Ravi’s homeland would have been burned to the ground. It was because you took on all the exhaustion for us that the battle didn’t escalate and ended where it did. Can’t you see how grateful Ravi is to you? And me as well. We only succeeded because of you.”
“Sniff… hic…”
Elfin, usually so fierce and strong-willed, sniffled and sobbed.
But now, there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
She looked at me with an expression that desperately sought reassurance.
“Really… really, I wasn’t useless?”
“If you were useless, then everyone else in this world might as well be dead. I can’t do anything but swing a sword, and even then, my chronic illness makes me clutch my stomach and collapse half the time. By any measure, you’re far more capable than me.”
“Hic… sob… waaaahhh…”
And so, the ever-proud Elfin finally broke down, crying like a child.
She sobbed uncontrollably, pouring out everything she had been holding inside.
“I… hic… I felt so weak… so useless… I kept thinking that if I didn’t become stronger, I had no worth… hic… I was so depressed… it was so hard… I never neglected my training… I never got overconfident… and yet, every day, I felt like I was the most useless one… I kept wondering why I was like this… waaahhh…”
And then, as she sobbed, she clung to me and finally let it all out.
“Sob… Thank you, Alvis… for saving my people… for finding them a place to live… sob… for telling me I’m not useless… waaaahhh…”
I held Elfin in silence, gently patting her back.
As she finally let go of her burdens, her body loosened, and she staggered slightly.
I caught her, supporting her back—our posture now resembling that of a dancing couple in a ballroom.
Our gazes met at an incredibly close distance.
“……”
“……”
Without a word, I leaned in a little closer.
Normally, Elfin would recoil at the mere mention of my name, as if she had swallowed poison.
But now, even with our faces so near, she didn’t push me away.
With one hand still on her back, I placed my lips over hers.
And Elfin did not resist.