She loved dancing. If she could incorporate it into swordsmanship, it would perhaps bring twice the joy.
“Start with some basic lessons from Pei. I need to sort out my thoughts,” Jiang Ke’er said. “Pei, do you remember how you started?”
“Of course, the handstand ram earth!” Pei replied instantly.
“Mm.” Jiang Ke’er glanced at Gongsun Xiaotao, noticing she wore pants rather than a skirt, and relaxed. “Alright, you two practice. Your dry Shifu and I need to step away for a bit.”
Gongsun Xiaotao seemed to want to say something but hesitated.
She was here to convince Jiang Ke’er to lead the villagers away! She never actually expected to learn anything here, nor did she want to. All of this was merely an excuse to get close to Jiang Ke’er.
Unfortunately, Jiang Ke’er didn’t give her a chance to speak.
Qiao Xiaoxian understood Jiang Ke’er’s intent. She opened her eyes, lightly pressed her fingertips together, and condensed a shimmering ice sword out of thin air, stepping onto it.
She soared off on the sword, and with a casual sweep, scooped Jiang Ke’er into her arms, shooting into the sky, leaving only a trail of crisp blue light.
“That’s infinitely better than that guy who flies around going rat-a-tat-tat! Shifu Qiao is so cool!”
Pei’s starry eyes were practically sparkling to the point of exploding, but Gongsun Xiaotao grew even more anxious.
Perhaps this was the source of the villagers’ confidence. To fly a sword with such fluidity, one had to be at least at the Four Symbols Realm. But the Four Symbols Realm was nowhere near enough!
What to do, what to do… The Shasheng Hall had a full nine at the Seven Luminaries Realm and Honored Ones!
She had originally wanted to persuade Jiang Ke’er to leave, but Jiang Ke’er had vanished in a flash.
It seemed she could only start with Pei.
***
Qiao Xiaoxian brought Jiang Ke’er straight back to the Yun Ya’er Flower Valley, their little secret base.
“You want to learn the war dance?” Qiao Xiaoxian asked.
“Of course. You’re the greatest war dance expert I’ve ever met. If I’m not learning from you, who would I learn from?”
Jiang Ke’er had wanted to state her thoughts outright like that, but she imagined what would happen next.
—Fine! Learning the war dance is no problem, but let me have some fun a hundred times first!
—War dance? Sure! Come on, get under the covers, and I’ll show you something good.
—War dance? Hmm, it does make for good postpartum recovery exercise. But it’s too early for that now. Let’s make a baby first!
Granted, those were all her own wild imaginings. In reality, Qiao Xiaoxian wouldn’t act that strangely.
But Jiang Ke’er felt that if she made a request, getting ruthlessly fleeced was the bare minimum.
“Stop overthinking it. I won’t cheat you.” Qiao Xiaoxian smiled wryly and rubbed the top of Jiang Ke’er’s head, speaking softly, “If there’s something you want to learn, just tell me directly. How could I ever harm you?”
Jiang Ke’er stared blankly at Qiao Xiaoxian’s gentle smile, feeling her whole fox self…
Wait, no! Something’s wrong! There has to be a trick!
With a jolt, she leaped back three steps and glared at Qiao Xiaoxian warily. “You’ll really teach me the war dance for free? No strings attached?”
“Of course. You can learn as much as you want.” Qiao Xiaoxian smiled brightly.
“When I was little, I was fortunate enough to enter a library pavilion where I learned many lost war dances, even ones from beyond the Nine Provinces… In the field of war dance, I’m confident no one in all of Shenzhou is better than me.”
“Slurp~”
Jiang Ke’er sucked in her drool. Qiao Xiaoxian’s words were simply too tempting.
If she wanted to pull off her dream ultimate move, learning the war dance from Qiao Xiaoxian was absolutely the best choice. But something felt off. Given Qiao Xiaoxian’s shady track record, not seizing this opportunity to make demands was very unlike her.
Could it be that she had already been successfully reformed by her and decided to turn over a new leaf?
No! There’s definitely a trap!
But… the ultimate move! That was the ultimate move she dreamed of!
If she wanted a perfect ultimate move, even knowing it was a trap, she had to jump right in!
“Pretty please, teach me! No cheating!”
“Fiiine.”
Jiang Ke’er glared fiercely at Qiao Xiaoxian. “That’s a good girl. ‘Round and round~.'”
***
Luo Han, Hall Master of the Shasheng Hall, groggily returned to the Huangtian Sect, unsure how to report on this mission to the Cult Leader.
This was probably the most disastrous mission of his life. He hadn’t captured the target, and he’d lost three thousand good men on top of it.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… ah—“
When Luo Han met the Huangtian Cult Leader, the leader was in the middle of tormenting a servant who had knocked over a teacup.
The servant knelt on the ground, his face scalded bright red by the piping hot tea.
“Did you catch the person?” The Huangtian Cult Leader’s voice came from behind the chair.
The back of the chair faced Luo Han, and combined with the dim flickering candlelight around them, it was full of oppressive pressure.
Luo Han swallowed his saliva. A sudden flash of inspiration struck him, and he said, “Although we didn’t catch the person in the end, I successfully gathered intel on the Tribulation Immortal Hall’s preferences! And the person will be captured soon enough. The Cult Leader need not worry.”
The Huangtian Cult Leader relaxed and didn’t press further on that matter. But the intel Luo Han brought back was quite intriguing.
“The Tribulation Immortal Hall’s preferences? What’s there to scout out? No matter who they are, don’t they all like the same things?”
“No, no, no! You’re wrong this time!” Luo Han looked smug. “Fortunately, I did my due diligence beforehand. If we’d sent the wrong gifts this time, it could’ve been a huge blow to the Huangtian Sect’s future development!”
It was a time of alliance between the two continents. Every major tribe in Nanzhan Buzhou wanted to take the chance to curry favor with the big shot of Dongsheng Shenzhou, become the most favored child, and profit from it.
And who was the true big shot of Dongsheng Shenzhou? Lord Li? No. In their minds, the Tribulation Immortal Hall was the eternal boss.
No matter how dynasties changed, the Tribulation Immortal Hall was forever the sole ruler towering above all things.
Therefore, building good relations with the Tribulation Immortal Hall was of utmost importance. It would determine which tribe the Nine Palaces Chamber of Commerce chose to trade with, representing a sea of profits.
And the best way to farm favorability was to send gifts.
So now, every major tribe in Nanzhan Buzhou was secretly preparing gifts, waiting to present them to the Tribulation Immortal Hall at this year’s dragon boat festival celebration.
Whichever tribe sent the most generous and thoughtful gifts would naturally become the true darling of the Tribulation Immortal Hall.
“What? Don’t they like gold, silver, treasures, or beautiful women?” The Huangtian Cult Leader asked, puzzled.
“That’s right! They don’t!” Luo Han said proudly. “Think about it. With the Tribulation Immortal Hall’s power, what gold and treasure couldn’t they obtain? What beautiful woman couldn’t they get? They’re probably sick of those things by now!”
The Huangtian Cult Leader was stunned. “That makes sense.”
“I was fortunate enough to encounter the Chief of the Tribulation Immortal Hall this time and received his guidance. Only then did I learn… it turns out the Tribulation Immortal Hall likes charming, rugged men.”
“They like licking any curious novelty they come across! They like being knocked out and bound to a bed to enjoy the ultimate bliss of the rest of their lives!”
Luo Han cleared his throat and said proudly, “So what they truly like are actually rare and curious things that are hard to come by in daily life!”
“…Really?”
“Absolutely true! That Chief is incredibly powerful, unrivaled in all of Shenzhou. He’s definitely the true Honored One. His words must be true!”
Luo Han patted his chest, guaranteeing it with confidence.
“Excellent!” The Huangtian Cult Leader stood up excitedly. “This is a secret known only to our Huangtian Sect! With this, we’re sure to shine brilliantly at the dragon boat festival!”
Ha, only your Huangtian Sect knows?
The servant who had knocked over the teacup earlier sneered inwardly.
Sorry, I’m a spy!
***
Late at night, the servant slipped away and arrived at the foot of a mountain shaped like a skull.
Around Skull Mountain, the cawing of crows echoed incessantly, punctuated by bursts of sinister howls. It was quite terrifying and gloomy.
Within the skull’s mouth, the Egui Cult Leader stood in grim silence.
“Urgent summons for a meeting. What’s the important matter?” The Egui Cult Leader said sternly.
“There is something urgent. I’ve just obtained critical intel.” The servant knelt on one knee.
“It turns out the immortals of the Tribulation Immortal Hall don’t like gold, silver, or women. What they like are charming, rugged men with thick leg hair. They also like being knocked out and then… entered…”
“Hiss—“
The Egui Cult Leader sucked in a sharp breath of cold air, feeling his worldview shatter into pieces. “Truly?”
“Absolutely true! The Huangtian Sect has already started urgently selecting disciples for training! We absolutely cannot fall behind!”
“Good!” The Egui Cult Leader decisively slapped his thigh and raised a hand to summon the Deputy Cult Leader, speaking hurriedly, “Deputy Cult Leader, return all the gold, silver, and women we prepared to their original owners.”
“Cancel the gifts… Then find six thousand male disciples with thick leg hair and burly muscles for training. Train them in seductive postures and drug techniques. The immortals of the Tribulation Immortal Hall are into this kind of thing!”
The Deputy Cult Leader froze. “Huh?”
However, after a brief moment of stunned confusion came a surge of wild joy.
“Who would’ve thought I’d come across such vital intel! If we hadn’t gotten this information and the Egui Cult stole the spotlight at the dragon boat festival, our Gandao Sect would be finished!”
“We absolutely cannot fall behind! I must get this message back to the Gandao Sect as soon as possible and do my duty as a spy!”
Though this spy job had inexplicably promoted him to Deputy Cult Leader along the way… his heart still belonged to the Gandao Sect! He was utterly loyal to the Gandao Sect, and that would never change!
“Hello? Sect Leader? This is your spy, Little Wang… You need to quickly find six thousand, no, seven thousand burly male disciples with thick leg hair! Have them learn seductive postures and drug techniques… (the rest omitted)”
[What?! The Egui Cult is already training like that? No! We can’t just be the same as them. We have to do better! Our disciples must not only be seductive in posture but also learn to apply rouge and powder to their stubble, achieving seductiveness from the very soul!]
“Sect Leader, you’re an absolute genius!”
[I’ll have people start the training right away. You must keep this absolutely secret. Whatever you do, don’t let a third sect find out…]
Yet, a small recording stone tucked away in the corner silently captured all of this, transmitting it in real time to the main hall of the Diling Cult’s intelligence division.
The Intelligence Chief slammed the table and stood up. “The Egui Cult and the Gandao Sect have already started moving! How can we fall behind? They prepared six thousand, seven thousand—we’ll prepare eight thousand!”
“And train our disciples’ muscles to twitch freely to add spice! We need every muscle on our disciples to be as lively as living things! Even the muscles on their scalps need to be able to squeeze out the words ‘I love you’!”
But just as the Intelligence Chief was speaking, one of the intelligence division members quietly slipped a hand under the table and swiftly sent a text message with practiced ease.