Rinna clenched her fist with effort.
Her slender wrist was taut from the strain, and her pale hand and fingertips slowly flushed with patches of crimson.
‘Can I really take the fruit of this affection for granted?’
‘Can I let Xiao take care of me, protect me, feed me every day, look at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world, and then tell myself, “This is what I deserve”?’
‘If Xiao had amnesia…’
‘Suppose, just a supposition.’
‘If Xiao didn’t remember the old Rinna, could I—starting over—walk into Xiao’s heart just like the old Rinna did, and use my own nineteen years to fill that spot from nothing, bit by bit?’
‘If I could, maybe I’d be worthy of accepting this affection.’
‘But if I can’t…’
‘If I can’t give Xiao a whole world the way the old Rinna did…’
‘Then what am I?’
‘A liar wearing someone else’s name? A thief sneaking in while the door was open?’
‘I can’t do it, can I?’
‘I can’t even take care of this body…’
‘What do I have to give Xiao a whole world?’
‘All the memory fragments just happened to land in a world where Xiao was already full of Rinna… Xiao keeps loving with the love that was meant for “her.” And I just happened to move into this body, just happened to inherit it.’
‘That’s all it was—just happenstance.’
‘I’m such a waste.’
She muttered it under her breath.
The sound was hollow…
She put the diary back into the wardrobe and closed the door.
The white lacquered panel clicked softly, sealing away the nineteen years of feelings pressed inside that cabinet.
Then she walked over to the bed and flopped backward, sinking into the light-gray sheets.
One hand rested naturally on the comforter. The other hand—the one she’d been clenching just now—she held it up in front of her face.
Her arm hung in the air, fingers slightly spread.
***
Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, the last sliver of twilight slipped through the gap in the sheer curtains, mingling with the warm light from the ceiling fixture above, passing through her fingers and falling across her face.
Her vision blurred…
Her eyes were dry, a little gritty, but deep in the sockets something was slowly rising—a sour, swelling pressure that hadn’t yet reached the corners but could already be felt.
So tired.
Her emotions were starting to slip.
She could feel her body responding to the sudden surge of feelings.
Her hands and feet grew cold, her heartbeat a little faster than usual, her breathing shallower…
After the emotional spike, blood rushed to her head, but the circulation supplying her heart and limbs couldn’t keep up because of her weak physique.
Her body wanted to release the pressure through tears or trembling, but her heart and blood vessels weren’t strong enough to support the entire physiological stress response. So all the reactions got stuck halfway.
She felt like she was about to cry, but the tears hadn’t come yet.
She felt like she was about to lose control, but her body was already sending signs of exhaustion before her brain could.
Slowly, she adjusted her emotions.
Don’t think about anything.
Breathe deep.
Inhale… two seconds. Exhale… four seconds.
She counted the beats in her mind, trying to bring her heart rate down little by little.
Then there was a knock on the door.
Before Rinna could respond, the door swung open.
Hisaki probably thought Rinna was just relaxing in her room, so she pushed the door open with the same naturalness as always—no hesitation, but not abrupt either.
“Rinna, your parents are back. Do you want to come downstairs?”
Then her gaze landed on the bed.
Rinna was lying down, her legs not tucked under the covers, a small curled figure on the light-gray sheets.
One arm was draped over her eyes, and even under the warm lamplight the skin beneath it showed an unnatural pallor…
Her chest wasn’t rising and falling in the steady, even rhythm of sleep—it was quicker, shorter, like she was fighting something.
Hisaki’s pupils contracted to their limit in an instant.
The teacup in her hand—she had meant to bring Rinna some warm water—was set down on the floor. The motion was gentle, but she put it down at least twice as fast as usual.
Hisaki ran to the bedside, her knees practically slamming onto the wooden floor.
The pain shot from her kneecaps to her brain, but Hisaki’s attention barrier blocked it entirely from her cognitive system.
“Rinna, what’s wrong?! I’m calling an ambulance!!”
Her voice wasn’t speaking anymore—it was screaming with all her might.
That rational mechanism that, no matter how calm she had been trained to be, would automatically skip whenever Rinna showed any physical abnormality—it completely blocked “calm” from the defensive line of that moment.
She could hear her own heartbeat exploding against her eardrums. Her fingers were already in her pocket reaching for her phone.
Why was the fingerprint unlock so slow, why were there so many names in the contact list, how many more times did she have to press for emergency calls…
Her thumb trembled uncontrollably on the screen.
Then a hand, soft and gentle, touched her wrist—the one holding the phone.
Every muscle in Hisaki’s body froze at the same instant.
“It’s okay… I just got overwhelmed by my emotions. A little discomfort. I’ll be fine after I rest.”
Rinna’s voice was muffled—the same tone she always used when trying to reassure Hisaki.
Her lips were a little pale, but she wore a very light smile, and it was enough for Hisaki to retract the first emergency number she had already pressed from the call log.
Rinna’s fingers loosened from Hisaki’s wrist, then she decisively opened her arms.
She needed to hold Xiao.
Ever since she had fallen into this emotional low, she needed to hold Xiao.
She didn’t want Xiao to be on the verge of collapse worrying about her condition.
In that moment when Hisaki saw Rinna open her arms—the panic that had been caught by adrenaline, then steadied by Rinna’s “it’s okay,” but was still crashing around in her chest—finally found its only exit.
She gently moved forward, half-kneeling at the bedside, leaning her upper body forward until her arms could fully encircle Rinna…
Then she gathered all the strength in her body and pulled tight.
Hisaki’s cheek pressed against Rinna’s, her right ear against the few silver-white strands behind Rinna’s ears that were slightly damp from exhaustion.
Her breath condensed on the thin skin behind Rinna’s ear into a faint layer of moisture, cool and delicate.
Then Rinna heard a whisper.
It was extremely soft and low, as if the speaker was afraid to say it, yet had to say it…
Either way, the moment it was forced from Hisaki’s throat, it broke through all her suppressed defenses.
Hisaki’s fingers around Rinna’s back tightened slightly.
“…You can’t be gone.”
When Rinna heard that, her pupils widened slightly in the dim light.
“If Rinna leaves, how am I supposed to live?”
Her throat tightened. All the words stuck there, and she couldn’t say a single one.
She just held Hisaki a little tighter…
Then she closed her eyes.
What else could she do?
Her Rinna and the current her—both were loved by Xiao without reservation.
Maybe she would never find that boundary line between her and the old Rinna.
Premium Chapter
Login to buy access to this Chapter.