“Sorry…”
So she had made the wrong choice after all. No matter what, upon hearing that Liu Yinuo was sick, she should have visited her. Even if it was useless, it was her own gesture, letting Liu Yinuo know that she cared.
But again, it was her own overthinking and hesitation that made her miss that opportunity.
‘Why think about so many unimportant things? I should just do what I want to do, right?’
‘That’s how it should have always been…’
Ye Xingmian pressed her lips together.
Honestly, she felt hurt and wronged.
After all, it wasn’t that she didn’t care about Liu Yinuo—she just overthought everything.
But whether she was wronged or not didn’t matter. Since she had done wrong, she would obediently apologize.
“You should still go. Tomorrow’s Saturday, isn’t it? You know where her house is.”
“Hmph. You should be apologizing to her, not me. I really don’t get it—what does she see in a half-baked thing like you, a guy with zero masculinity?”
Her words were sharp, leaving Ye Xingmian at a loss.
She lifted her head slightly, her pink eyes filled with grievance. The slight trembling of her pupils emphasized that emotion.
“I’m sorry…”
Apologizing again, even Ye Xingmian didn’t know why she was saying sorry.
‘Masculinity? That was something I never had before, and I’ll never have it in the future. I’m a girl now—how can I have masculinity?’
The reason she stubbornly clung to her past identity as a boy was just resistance to change and fear of instability.
‘The most important thing… is worrying about what Mom would think if she found out about my sudden gender transformation. Would she think I’m a monster and abandon me?’
Even though she knew it was childish to think that way, and that it showed a lack of trust in her mother’s love, given her sensitive nature and lack of security, she resisted any uneasy possibilities from the bottom of her heart.
‘If there’s even a chance of that, I must never try.’
Li Li caught her pitiful eyes and paused.
Her mind was a bit dazed. She seemed to understand why Liu Yinuo liked Ye Xingmian.
People like that… were indeed rare.
But she quickly snapped back to herself. She hadn’t forgotten why she was here.
“Sometimes I really wonder, are you a guy or a girl… Anyway, I’ve known the class monitor for so long—she’s definitely not an idiot.”
Ye Xingmian was a bit confused. Starting a while ago, she felt Li Li’s words were off.
‘What does she mean by “the class monitor is definitely not an idiot”? What does that have to do with whether I’m a guy or a girl?’
Honestly, for a split second, she almost blurted out that she was actually a girl now.
But that impulse was suppressed by reason. Saying it would do her no good.
Li Li composed herself and suddenly grabbed her shoulders.
“Let me ask you.”
“A beautiful, top student with a great personality, and she takes care of you like that. Do you know how many people would kill for that?”
“Wh… what do you mean?”
“You don’t have any feelings for her at all? Come on, it’s that obvious…”
“I… the class monitor… she treats me…”
‘It’s just pity…’
“You still think that way? God, are you just stupidly naive, or unwilling to believe it, or just too insecure? Damn, why does it have to be someone like you?”
“S… sorry…”
“What are you apologizing for? Are you showing off on purpose?”
“Showing off…?”
“Yeah, Liu Yinuo likes you, and you’re deliberately showing off, aren’t you?”
“Ah…?”
Ye Xingmian froze.
She stared blankly at the person in front of her, unable to snap out of it for a long time.
“No… no… impossible…”
“What’s impossible?”
“The… the class monitor… why would she like someone like me…”
“Ha! You still don’t believe me? Let me tell you, I’ve lived eighteen years. The couples I’ve seen, the romance novels, TV shows, movies, animes—less than a hundred, more than a few dozen, I’ve seen them all. I can tell with one look that you two are clearly—”
“Mutual secret crushes—!”
“CRASH!”
‘The sky is so dark—it must be raining and thundering.’
Ye Xingmian thought she heard an explosion somewhere. Was a gas pipe leaking? Or a gas explosion?
‘What… what did she just say?’
‘I didn’t hear it… I didn’t hear it at all…’
“S-sorry. I still have to take out the trash. I-I’m going…”
Picking up the trash can, the paper towel that had been wrapped around the handle was gone.
Ye Xingmian didn’t even notice. She sidestepped Li Li and fled downstairs, quickly disappearing around the corner of the stairway.
“Tch.”
Watching her back, Li Li rolled her eyes in dissatisfaction. She bent down to pick up the paper that had fallen on the floor and walked upstairs.
“Hah… hah…”
‘I wasn’t this tired before. Why am I panting just from going downstairs?’
Ye Xingmian mechanically dumped the trash, her mind still in a mess.
When she climbed back up to the second floor, many of the students who had stayed to clean had already left.
Such an easy job, yet it had taken her so long.
By the time she put the trash can back, grabbed her schoolbag, and walked out of the school, the sun had already set.
Her brain finally rebooted from its frozen state, and she replayed Li Li’s words.
‘What did she mean by… we have a mutual secret crush?’
‘How is that possible… impossible…’
‘Unimaginable. Unimaginable.’
But as if to confirm those thoughts, some images suddenly popped into her head.
The thoughtful Liu Yinuo. The Liu Yinuo who tutored her. The Liu Yinuo who cared about her. The Liu Yinuo who praised her home-cooked meals.
And the Liu Yinuo who had pulled her into a corner that morning.
The Liu Yinuo who lost control of her emotions.
‘Would she go that far?’
‘If it were just ordinary pity or ordinary kindness, she couldn’t have gone that far.’
‘If it were just out of compassion, she definitely wouldn’t have lost control of her emotions.’
‘So why? Why?’
‘Because she likes me?’
‘Because of liking me, she cares more. That’s why she got angry when Qin Haiyue crossed the line. That’s why she felt guilty and pained about my imprisonment.’
‘Ah… is that it?’
‘Is that it…’
‘No… not that…’
‘Is that it? Or not?’
Confusion, uncertainty, and a mixture of surprise and worry that felt like it could knock her over—all these swirled around the girl’s heart.
She couldn’t make a decision.
‘I’ll go see her tomorrow…’
‘Go see Liu Yinuo. I have to see her.’
‘But even if I find her, what then?’
‘Should I ask her directly?’
‘I don’t think I can say it.’
‘I can’t do it.’
‘Anyway, I’ll just go. That’s definitely right.’
With that thought, Ye Xingmian quietly made up her mind.
Even if she couldn’t ask, she had to at least try.