Xu Duyan froze. She found herself unable to answer Su Ziyan’s question right away.
Because I’ve come to terms with it now?
Because you’re already blind and have no other choices?
Because I panicked when I just heard you say you wanted to die?
All of these could be used to answer Su Ziyan, but none of them felt right.
Just as she was stunned into silence, Su Ziyan continued speaking.
“Because I’m blind now, I don’t have any other options left. Even if I got together with someone else in the future, I wouldn’t be happy, right?”
“Only you would still take care of me wholeheartedly even after I’ve become like this, right?”
“You’re the best choice available right now, so you no longer need to feel inferior and can openly be with me, right?”
Xu Duyan hadn’t expected Su Ziyan to say such cold, harsh words to her, even though every single one of them was true.
“Just kidding. I’m not that extreme, and I won’t hurt my own family for no reason.”
Su Ziyan suddenly laughed.
“I’m just saying these things in advance so that when I reject you, you won’t overthink it.”
“After all, isn’t that a classic trope? The insecure person thinks the other person’s confession is out of pity and rejects them, dragging out the drama for another twenty episodes or something…”
Xu Duyan was stunned for a moment. Her attention wasn’t on the long string of words that followed. It stayed fixed on the word “family” in Su Ziyan’s first sentence.
It shouldn’t be like this. He shouldn’t have used the word “family.” He should have said “lover” or “the person I love” instead.
By the time she snapped back to reality, Su Ziyan’s words were coming to an end.
“Xu Duyan, the reason I’m rejecting you is simply because our timing has already passed.”
Su Ziyan said calmly,
“Didn’t I already tell you before? I won’t pursue you anymore.”
“No!”
Xu Duyan, who had been lying on Su Ziyan’s chest, almost sprang up.
“No, no, no! How can you reject me!”
“You said it yourself back then!”
Xu Duyan was driven into a frenzy by his rejection. She didn’t even realize her hands had clamped around his neck.
“You said it yourself! You still love me!”
“How can you reject me! We were made for each other! You love me and I love you—we were supposed to be together!”
“Tell me you’re lying!”
By the end, Xu Duyan was practically screaming every sentence. She shook Su Ziyan desperately until a weak cough came from beneath her.
Only then did she realize how agitated she had become. She had been gripping his neck and violently shaking his fragile body.
She quickly released her trembling hands and saw the red marks her fingers had left on Su Ziyan’s neck.
She was terrified. She scrambled backward in a panic, retreating to the corner of the sofa, curling up while hugging the backrest.
She couldn’t believe her own hands had just been choking the neck of the person she loved.
Su Ziyan coughed a few times before he could breathe properly again. He hadn’t resisted at all the entire time, because he trusted that Xu Duyan wouldn’t hurt him.
She had simply been too emotional.
He pushed himself up from the sofa using his arms. Xu Duyan, who had fled to the corner, saw the obvious red marks on his neck once more and felt like a vampire exposed to sunlight.
“No, no, no… that wasn’t me…”
She kept repeating the chaotic words over and over until Su Ziyan pulled her into his arms.
Using the sound of her voice, Su Ziyan found Xu Duyan and embraced her.
“It’s okay, Elder Sister. It was just an accident. Everything’s over now.”
This was the first time he had seen Xu Duyan like this—like a helpless child—and it made his heart ache.
So he could only comfort her again and again until her emotions gradually calmed down.
“I understand how you feel, Elder Sister,”
he said softly.
“But everything has already passed. Don’t make things difficult for yourself, okay?”
Don’t make things difficult for me, and don’t make things difficult for yourself.
Su Ziyan finally understood everything now. He also understood why he had been so desperate to leave and why he was so afraid of holding back her life.
Because he and Xu Duyan were the same kind of person. Everything he was had been given to him by Xu Duyan.
So naturally, everything about him had been learned from her…
What kind of person was Xu Duyan?
If her existence would bring trouble or negative impact to the person she loved, she would rather never be with them than become a burden.
And Su Ziyan was undoubtedly the same kind of person.
So after Xu Duyan had poured out her heart and said all those words earlier, the two of them no longer had even the slightest possibility of being together.
You’re afraid of becoming my burden, so you would rather suffer alone in the middle of the night again and again than accept me.
Then how could I shamelessly become a burden to you?
“So… you really won’t give me even one chance, no matter what?”
Xu Duyan’s voice was blurred from crying.
“I really just got too emotional earlier. I never meant to hurt you…”
“I know. I know everything.”
Su Ziyan reached out and gently patted her back.
“That’s why I didn’t resist. Because I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.”
His comfort made Xu Duyan cry even harder.
Because she now knew that he truly did not want to be with her anymore.
She reached up and pulled the collar of her shirt off her shoulder, offering her bare shoulder to Su Ziyan’s mouth.
“I understand. From now on, we’ll just be brother and sister again.”
Xu Duyan said softly,
“Can you bite me once? It’ll make me feel a little better.”
Su Ziyan was stunned. He didn’t understand why Xu Duyan wanted him to do this.
To punish herself? Or to vent her emotions?
Could pain really bring satisfaction to someone feeling empty inside?
After thinking for a moment, Su Ziyan figured it probably could—otherwise, so many people wouldn’t like cutting themselves.
So he opened his mouth and gently bit down on her delicate shoulder. But even then, he couldn’t bring himself to use any real force—until…
Xu Duyan lowered her head and bit his shoulder in return. Her bite was extremely forceful, causing him to instinctively bite down hard on hers as well.
The two of them clung tightly to each other face to face, fiercely biting each other’s shoulders. Even as blood was drawn, neither of them let go.
Xu Duyan’s empty heart finally found some satisfaction. She realized that this was exactly how things should be between her and Su Ziyan. This action felt like a perfect portrayal of their lives.
Clearly embracing each other for warmth, yet at the same time madly hurting each other in the most vulnerable places.
Su Ziyan understood what she meant. He released his bite. No matter how hard she continued to bite, he simply held her without biting back.
Only when Xu Duyan finally let go with an incredulous look on her face did he smile and say softly,
“Alright, stop messing around. Let’s disinfect the wounds quickly and eat. All these dishes have gone cold.”