Chapter 59: Despair

The elevator descended toward darkness.

I sat on the floor, bored, watching the red numbers jump and fall, breaking past zero’s restraint and entering the negative world.

Lu Xiu and I did not speak.

Maybe it was the tense, oppressive air before a great battle. Or maybe we just did not know what to say.

Actually, I really wanted to talk to Lu Xiu.

‘Because he is very interesting.’

‘And he always has lots of tasty things.’

Every time I talk to him and act spoiled, he gives me food.

‘I like him a lot, hehe.’

But precisely because of that, I stayed quiet.

‘Because I do not know if Lu Xiu will die this time.’

‘If he dies… then in the future… who will give me food?’

I stretched out my hand. In my small palm, a pitch-black dagger condensed once more.

But Lu Xiu could not see it.

Only I could.

What the negation demon said… the weapon it gave…

All of it was known only to me.

That feeling made me very uncomfortable… like being abandoned, like no one could hear my voice.

‘If I can save Lu Xiu…’

‘Will he treat me even better? Will we have more comfortable days?’

I kept thinking in my head.

With my not-so-smart brain.

Stubbornly thinking.

But in the end I gave up.

Because I could not figure it out. I was not as smart as Lu Xiu… nor as knowledgeable…

I was just a little stronger.

I could not leave Lu Xiu.

I realized that.

But Lu Xiu could leave me.

Because there are many fools in this world.

Strong fools, fast fools, high-jumping fools, quick-talking fools…

I am not his only one.

But he is my everything.

Pain came from my palm. Only then did I realize I had clenched the blade at some point. A small drop of blood seeped from the wound and ran down.

I stuck out my tongue and licked it.

That way, the wound would heal faster.

Mother taught me that.

***

Time passed second by second.

Waiting began to feel unbearable.

“Lu Xiu.”

“What is it?”

“I want to eat.”

As if he had expected it, he tossed out several packs of biscuits from his pocket.

“They are close to expiring. Eat them while they have not expired yet. When you finish, it will be time to fight.”

I tore open the wrapper and fed them to the mouth on the stomach. After thinking a bit, I broke off a piece and put it into the mouth on the stomach too, then nibbled on a biscuit myself.

Crunch. Crunch.

Aside from the elevator’s humming descent, only the crisp sound of biscuits breaking remained. Even the faint chewing noises blended into the swallowing.

I was full.

Licking the crumbs from the corner of my mouth, I stood up and stuffed the remaining biscuits into the mouth on the stomach for storage.

‘If… later there is no more Lu Xiu… this will be my last food.’

Click.

The elevator stopped. The doors slowly opened.

“Sui.”

“I am here.”

“…Let us go.”

“Mm.”

I followed him and stepped forward.

Toward the crossroads of fate.

The bottom floor was a giant circular platform, pitch dark, nothing visible.

Lu Xiu led me down the stairs toward it.

Tap.

One step forward.

The world suddenly shattered. Darkness was replaced by blood-red. On the platform lay countless dead souls and dry bones, human, animal, insect, plant…

Layer upon layer, piled into mountains.

From the ground, white bone skeletons crawled out, holding other bones as weapons, walking toward us.

Rows of tombstones descended and grew, blooming stone flowers atop the mountain of bones.

And beneath the tombstones were countless revived zombies, following the white bones.

Green pus spread across the ground, releasing dark mist.

We were facing death.

Facing all death.

Lu Xiu said nothing. He took out a small warding necklace, raised it, held my hand, and walked forward.

The necklace glowed, dispersing the mist and green liquid. The monsters seemed to ignore us, passing by us without looking back, heading toward the sea of blood behind us, never to return.

I gripped his hand tightly and followed.

Until a huge tombstone blocked our path, and Lu Xiu stopped.

Lu Xiu, died of betrayal.

He did not speak.

Lu Xiu, died of loneliness.

He still did not speak.

Lu Xiu, died of—

The words on the tombstone suddenly stopped, then slowly faded.

New characters appeared.

Blank, died of loneliness.

When that line settled, the world became quiet.

My palm suddenly felt empty. I jerked my head around and found Lu Xiu had vanished.

“Lu Xiu?”

Below the ground, countless hands reached upward, grabbing my legs, grabbing my ankles, dragging me down as if to pull me into darkness.

I kicked hard, but it was useless. More hands attacked.

“Lu Xiu!”

“Give up. He already rejected you.”

“Look. He is already atop the mountain.”

“Pitiful lonely one… you will sink into loneliness.”

“That is not true…”

Lu Xiu… is not that kind of person…

“Do not believe it? Then look up. Look into the distance. Your death is his road to success.”

“From beginning to end, you were only a tool for his survival. A sacrifice.”

“A stupid, useless sacrifice.”

I covered my ears, refusing to listen, yet I still could not help raising my head. Far away, atop the mountain, was a receding figure.

Lu Xiu.

“Lu Xiu!”

I shouted to him, but my voice did not shake his steps at all.

“He abandoned you.”

“He is tired of you.”

“That is not true… Lu Xiu is not a bad person…”

I struggled, but half my body had already sunk into the death sand sea. Before me, a small tombstone rose.

Blank, died of betrayal.

Betrayal… loneliness…

Then the small words slowly changed.

Blank, died of despair.

I opened my mouth, but a hand covered it. I opened my eyes, but they were covered. I tried to breathe, but could not. Even my ears were covered.

Slowly sinking into darkness.

Lu Xiu… Lu Xiu…

A tear fell from the corner of my eye, dripping into the dark and causing a faint ripple.

“You are dead.”

A voice came. I looked up toward the end and saw myself.

‘It is me… speaking?’

“I… am dead?”

“Yes. Your spirit has already died.”

I looked at my hand and squeezed it.

“Next, Lu Xiu will die too.”

“Why?”

“Because he has no way to resist the death demon.”

“But there is still the dagger…”

“That is an item only you can use.”

She looked at me. “…I do not want him to die.”

“And then? You say you do not want him to die and he will not die? You are too naive.”

I…I wanted to argue, but… just as she said, I could do nothing.

“…Can you not be tougher?”

“Huh?”

“You were like this before too. When blamed, you would not argue back at all.”

“I did argue! But they would not listen to me.”

“Then make it bigger. Why did you not shout it everywhere?”

“…What exactly are you talking about…”

She shook her head. “I am talking about you. You coward.”

“I am not a coward!”

“Oh? If you are not, why are you still here instead of helping Lu Xiu?”

“But I am dead…”

“I say you are dead and that means you are dead?”

I felt confused. This guy…

“You died of despair. But I am different. I have nothing to despair about. So you died, but I did not. And since I did not die, I naturally hang between your death and life, landing in this boundary of life and death.”

“I do not understand.”

“So you are not only a coward, you are also an idiot.”

“…You insulted me again.”

“Heh.”

She stepped forward toward me.

I stepped back away from her.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“…I am not.”

“Then when you ate me before, why were you not afraid?”

What does that mean… wait…

I looked at her.

Her smell…

“You are the white bone monster?”

“Were you not already dead?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I am you. The other side of you. The cowardly, useless side created to protect yourself.”

“So you came to help me?”

“You think too much. I came to mock you.”

After a moment of silence, I looked at her again. “Then… can you save Lu Xiu?”

“I do not want him to die.”

She looked puzzled. “You do not want to live anymore?”

“I do… but you said you came to mock me…”

“…I have discovered you really are stupid.”

I pouted.

“Tell me, do you want to live?”

I nodded.

“Say it.”

“I want to.”

“Then do you still feel despair?”

“Why?”

“I do not know… maybe… because Lu Xiu can survive?”

“How are you so sure he can survive?”

She laughed in exasperation.

Just then, I noticed our figures were gradually fading.

“Huh? I… am I going to die?”

“We are going out.”

“Where?”

“Outside.”

“Why?”

“Because you are no longer in despair. So what else could kill you?”

“Oh right.”

“What is it?”

“After we get out, remember to kneel and kowtow to me. All your past grudges, I avenged them for you.”

“Huh?”

Before I could ask clearly, my vision blurred. On that huge tombstone, the words slowly faded.

Then it slowly sank into the sand sea and disappeared.

I froze and realized I seemed to be back where I started.

I suddenly looked up.

Lu Xiu was right beside me.

He had never left.

“Lu Xiu?”

“What is it?”

“You are still alive?”

“…I would also like to stay alive.”

He shook his head, held my hand, and continued forward.

After walking a while, his voice came from above my head.

“After all, I said before.”

“I will protect you.”