Before the biology exam, the biology textbook He Denghong had left on his desk the night before was gone. He didn’t know who had taken it to review, so he was forced to stare blankly at his desk before the test began.
His mother hadn’t explained to the teacher that he had been hospitalized. As a result, the teacher had always assumed he had taken more than 10 days off just to go out and have fun, even telling the other students that anyone who had a fever for over 10 days would have been in the hospital long ago.
It was only natural for the teacher to say such things. He Denghong had rarely seen a teacher who didn’t discriminate against passive, antisocial students. They believed those students were “stuck in their own worlds” by choice.
But He Denghong no longer had the strength to argue. In the past, all his energy had been spent on one-versus-many fights during junior high school.
After encountering that short-tempered classmate in Grade 10, his last bit of strength had finally been exhausted.
He Denghong didn’t understand why everyone around him still seemed to go out of their way to antagonize him now that he was in high school.
He felt he hadn’t done anything wicked or harmful. Most of his time at school was spent either in his seat or in his bed. He rarely spoke, so it should have been impossible for him to provoke anyone.
Yet everyone still noticed him, spotting an Anomaly within the collective, despite He Denghong praying every day that no one would notice him sitting in the corner.
In truth, if one were to count his “crimes,” there was a trail to follow.
His grades had plummeted from the 450 points he had earned on the Grade 10 first-semester monthly exam —
This was because he could no longer suppress the surge of unbearable memories. Every moment felt like he was being tortured, making it impossible to concentrate on his studies. He didn’t see how studying hard could change his miserable life anyway.
He was sleepy every day. Even if he propped up his head during class, he would unconsciously fall asleep. Even when the morning wake-up bell finished ringing, his consciousness remained trapped in his dreams, unable to wake up normally. He could only wake up when his body was ready.
Sometimes, he would deliberately stay in the dormitory. Even if the security guard locked the doors, he wouldn’t take a single step outside —
This was because he discovered he had developed a sudden tendency toward self-harm. To prevent himself from unconsciously crossing that line and stabbing himself with the compass he kept in the classroom, he chose to stay alone to stabilize his emotions.
People were naturally repelled by those who intentionally harmed their own bodies. They couldn’t understand it, so they viewed such behavior as “selling misery,” a lowly and despicable tactic.
He Denghong understood this from overhearing the conversations of others. To avoid being seen as that kind of person, he naturally had to restrain himself, preventing himself from using that method to alleviate his mental anguish.
Even though he knew there might be a significant issue with his mental health, he wanted to continue living a normal life, to keep going to school even if he couldn’t focus on the lessons…
To ensure his medical record wouldn’t be stained with a history of mental illness, and so he could spend his weekends stabilizing his emotions at home rather than traveling to a distant city to spend money on a psychiatrist, he had to pretend everything was fine.
He did his best to maintain his persona as a healthy, normal person. Without relying on any medication or counseling, he struggled to survive amidst the mockery of his classmates, the disdain of his teachers, and the ridicule of his parents.
He successfully deceived everyone, making them believe that his current state was entirely voluntary, rather than the result of any external influence —
Even if someone asked if he had mental problems, he would decisively answer, “No.” Who would admit they were “sick”?
In this environment where everyone went out of their way to antagonize him, it took him nearly 2 years to struggle and pull half of his body out of the swamp called “Trauma.”
Although his illness still flared up occasionally, causing him immense pain, he was finally able to push back against this nonsensical life and clash with reality.
He began to study again. Although he had unconsciously missed nearly 2 years of high school curriculum, he was still unwilling to do nothing —
Since he had finally managed to catch his breath after so much effort, wouldn’t doing nothing betray the 2 years he had spent barely surviving?
Even though he knew there was a 100% chance he wouldn’t get into a university, He Denghong still forced himself to study as seriously as he had before his illness, because this was his only way of fighting against reality.
In the end, he inevitably fell under the heavy hammer of reality.
He had missed 2 years of high school courses and hadn’t done any homework during that time. No matter how hard he studied, he couldn’t rewrite the reality that he now knew nothing about subjects like math.
When he learned he hadn’t even made it into a junior college, he simply gave up on the idea of taking the college entrance exam. After all, school required money, and he didn’t want to waste any more of his family’s money, even if they looked down on him.
‘How exactly have I lived until now? I’ve had so many suicidal thoughts since I was a child, and I knew staying alive would only mean suffering, so why did I hold on in the end?’
He often wondered, ‘If I had lived a normal life since childhood, would I have simply gone to college and become a “Kong Yiji” mocked by experts?’
But that wasn’t his concern anymore. Whether it was “Kong Yiji” or “Camel Xiangzi,” they were all just people at the bottom of society, targets for those who believed in the law of the jungle.
He Denghong panted heavily as he gradually snapped back from his chaotic thoughts.
He subconsciously reached into his pants pocket, his fingertips touching a soft piece of paper with slightly frayed edges.
He pulled it out; it was a crumpled 1-yuan bill.
He brought the bill to his lips and gave it a hard kiss. The cool sensation of the paper brought him a strange, twisted sense of comfort.
‘Even though money can’t move, at least it can help me when I need it. Even though money can’t talk, at least it won’t laugh at me. This stuff is more important than anything else.’
The thought was simple and crude, yet it was like a life-saving straw that allowed him to briefly surface from the whirlpool of his emotions for a breath of air.
That vent earlier hadn’t been enough — nowhere near enough.
How could words ever fully carry the bitterness he had swallowed all these years?
He needed a more substantial revenge, a more malicious method. He wanted it to be like a blunt knife cutting through flesh, making the other party feel that same long, agonizing pain.
A dark plan began to take shape in his mind, accompanied by a near-sickly sense of pleasure.
He grabbed his phone again, opened the transfer app, and sent all the money he had earned — the meager amount left after paying for basic food and housing — to the account labeled “Mother” in the form of a digital red envelope.
In the note section, he wrote bitingly: “A reward for you.”
He felt like he was using money to humiliate the mother he had just scolded like a dog. It was a declaration — look, the son you looked down on is now the one you have to hold your hand out to for money.
Premium Chapter
Login to buy access to this Chapter.