Sui Luowen’s real name was Lin Qingxia, and she was an orphan staying at an orphanage called Haven of Hope in Yulin City.
She had first been discovered in a trash can by a sanitation worker. She had been abandoned like a piece of unwanted, redundant trash in the very place where garbage belonged, and she had been only an infant at the time.
From her earliest memories, she had no idea what her parents looked like, much less their names.
The adults at the orphanage all said she was very pitiful. To be born to such irresponsible parents was simply a form of living torture.
Lin Qingxia was puzzled by this. Everyone said that it was a great thing for parents to bring a child into the world, and so they should be respected; without them, one would never have been born.
‘So, if my parents brought me into the world, it was great; yet if they abandoned me irresponsibly, it was selfish. Does that make them great or selfish?’
Lin Qingxia couldn’t tell if her arrival in this world was a stroke of luck or a terrible misfortune.
Many people visited the orphanage, but she was never adopted from beginning to end. The reason was nothing more than her defects — she could not speak, and she always wore a lukewarm expression that made it difficult for others to get close to her.
To put it simply, she didn’t know how to be likable.
Lin Qingxia loved to learn. She loved the rustling sound of turning pages, the scent of books and ink, and exams… Learning allowed her to find relief from the cold reality of never being adopted.
Because of this, she only knew how to study at school and did not socialize. She became a total outsider in her class and was known as the “nerd.”
One afternoon after school, the other students went home one after another, picked up by their fathers or mothers.
But because Lin Qingxia was keen on reading and writing, she didn’t leave the school gate immediately. Instead, she stayed in the classroom to study quietly by herself, wanting to learn for a few more minutes.
“Why haven’t your parents come yet? Did they abandon you?” asked a classmate who didn’t know Lin Qingxia’s situation. The look in the student’s eyes was not malicious.
Lin Qingxia was about to write down on a piece of paper why she was still in the classroom and why her parents weren’t coming to get her when she was suddenly interrupted by another classmate’s words.
“Haven’t you heard? This nerd’s parents abandoned her a long time ago. I heard a smelly street sweeper found her in a trash can. She’s a complete orphan~”
“Is that so? Is her usual serious studying just an act? But her grades are really good…”
“Then she must be cheating! And she hasn’t been caught by the teacher yet. Think about it, how could an orphan with no mother to teach her and no father to discipline her have such good grades?”
“Don’t be fooled by her quiet appearance. It’s definitely just for show. Who knows how calculating she really is deep down!”
“Exactly. This girl never talks to anyone. Even if she’s a mute, I wouldn’t say this about her if she’d just write things down. You write so much normally, so why can’t you write anything when you see people?”
The murmurs gradually became harsher and soon escalated to the point of personal attacks.
But Lin Qingxia didn’t know how she was supposed to react because this was the first time she had experienced such a thing. Although some parts were exaggerated, the fact that her parents had abandoned her was true.
The students discussed it for a while. Seeing that she still wore that lukewarm, dull expression, they concluded that she was intentionally acting cold and aloof.
They simply changed Lin Qingxia’s nickname from “nerd” to something else — and there was more than one.
Insulting nicknames like “Trash,” “Stone-faced Girl,” “Mute,” “Fake,” “Schemer,” and “Orphan” appeared one after another.
Lin Qingxia was not as stone-hearted as she appeared on the surface. Her psychological state was generally the same as any other child her age.
Lin Qingxia didn’t understand why these truths and lies made her feel sad. She only knew that as her classmates discussed her, smiles gradually appeared on their faces.
She felt those smiles were a bit strange, as if they were mixed with something bad and dirty.
However, she still suppressed her emotions and did not make any expression.
The reason why she always controlled herself not to make any expressions and maintained a lukewarm appearance went back to an afternoon at the orphanage.
On that day, her mood had suddenly become a bit depressed, and sorrow took the opportunity to crawl onto her face.
Everyone has times when they are in a bad mood. It could be because they haven’t eaten enough, haven’t slept enough, or encountered setbacks in study or work… and Lin Qingxia was no exception.
Coincidentally, the director saw her expression.
Lin Qingxia clearly remembered that the director had been happy at first, as if she had encountered something good.
But after seeing Lin Qingxia’s sour face, the smile on the director’s face suddenly vanished. She came over with great concern and asked if she needed any help.
Lin Qingxia refused. She thought it was just a small matter and there was no need to trouble the director.
But the director became even more worried and told Lin Qingxia in a soft voice that hiding problems was not a good thing. She said one should have the courage to speak up in time to avoid causing worse trouble for everyone.
‘Trouble?’
She had just ruined the director’s good mood over a trivial matter; she had already caused trouble for someone else.
Lin Qingxia wanted to be a good child in the eyes of adults — a sensible child who didn’t cause trouble for anyone.
She began to find ways to control her expressions to prevent others from noticing her mood and causing them trouble. She also had no desire to maintain a fawning, smiling face.
She had heard that forcing a smile when one didn’t want to laugh was called a fake smile. It was lying; it was flattery. No one would like a porcelain doll that always kept a false smile.
She didn’t want to do something that sounded like a bad thing, but she didn’t dare to smile naturally either.
Once in the classroom, the other students told a very funny joke that made everyone laugh. She couldn’t help but laugh as well.
“What are you laughing at? It wasn’t for you,” someone noticed Lin Qingxia laughing.
“Exactly. How self-important.”
“What the hell are you laughing at?”
The students’ smiles vanished without a trace, replaced by anger and hostility. They hated the fact that an outsider would butt into their fun, even if she was only laughing.
‘Since laughing causes trouble for others and crying causes trouble for others, then as long as I maintain no expression, wouldn’t that be fine?’