By the riverside in the middle of winter, I felt the first wisp of a spring breeze, yet I still hadn’t quite recovered from the shock.
The power of rules.
This was no longer a miracle; it was a true divine feat.
The fundamental purpose of cultivation is to allow a person to transcend the mundane. But I never imagined it could directly turn a person into a god.
In this world where rules could be easily rewritten, what difference was there between her and the deities in stories?
The spring breeze ruffled a corner of my pure white dress.
My figure was thin and frail, as if I would collapse with a single gust of wind. Lately, I have become very fond of white dresses, and I usually choose them as my first choice when going out.
Seeing that I was spacing out, Si Zhizuo floated in front of me and waved her small hand.
The voice calling for me pulled me out of my inner world. The little ball in front of me looked on with concerned eyes.
I pursed my lips, habitually wanting to pull her into a hug. Then I suddenly remembered that when she was outside, she would want to play on her own.
Si Zhizuo floated a bit closer. “Mommy, did you think of something?”
I stared at my fingertips. Even using all the strength in my body, I could only condense a sliver of Yin energy. I gently shook my head.
“I stopped letting my mind wander long ago.”
“Don’t worry, baby,” I said with a faint smile. “Mom will grow up, too.”
Si Zhizuo’s eyes were filled with suspicion. ‘I feel like Mom’s words aren’t convincing at all.’
“Do you think I’m not telling the truth?” My tone was flat as I tilted my head. My gaze lacked any real lethality, yet it was extremely intimidating to Si Zhizuo.
Startled, Si Zhizuo hurriedly denied it. “No, no.”
Si Zhizuo pinched the corner of her little dress, not daring to speak further.
*****
1 hour passed.
The fishing officially began.
Si Zhizuo was jumping and bouncing in the river, holding a simple, homemade harpoon. She continuously tossed her weapon at the small fish that were flowing back into the stream.
She wasn’t very tall yet—only 1 meter. Under normal circumstances, there was no way she could stand directly in the river.
However, this did not affect a baby’s determination to play. If she wasn’t tall enough, she compensated with tools.
As long as she had energy to help, she could float just beneath the surface of the water. This way, she could feel the coolness of the river without ruining the fun of catching fish.
“Mom!”
“I caught another fish!”
I maintained my signature smile and caught the small fish in the bucket. “You’re amazing, baby.”
Si Zhizuo had been observing the emotions in the depths of my eyes.
As always.
Like a pool of clear spring water, I was as calm as the surface of a pond. She didn’t see the genuine happiness she had been hoping for.
Although she had already guessed the result, a faint sense of disappointment still lingered the moment she confirmed it.
My tranquility had long since integrated into my very bones. I exemplified the concept of stillness to the fullest. Especially after having my own daughter, the last few traces of my original vivacity had all transformed into a serenity that surpassed a clear spring.
I like white gardenias. Sweet, pure, and solitary in their beauty.
They are very much like me right now.
Si Zhizuo clenched her small fists. She was still a bit unwilling to give up and wanted to liven up the atmosphere.
Many times, Si Xinyan did participate. She had even begun interacting with her, and together they caught many small fish.
But Si Zhizuo could always sense it. Mom was only doing all this because she was her daughter. Her happiness came from the fact that her daughter was satisfied, not from herself.
Si Zhizuo did not miss the underlying stillness in the depths of her mother’s eyes, hidden behind the smile and the doting words of praise.
‘This definitely won’t do.’
Alarm bells rang in Si Zhizuo’s heart. She felt that her mother had contracted a very strange illness, one that was difficult to summarize through normal lifestyle habits. It was an oddity that couldn’t be described with words.
Under normal circumstances, a person certainly wouldn’t be like this. What exactly was Si Xinyan thinking about in the deepest part of her heart?
To this day, no one knew the answer to that question.
I looked at my daughter’s bright little face and reached out to wipe the sweat from her cheek. “You’re tired from playing, aren’t you? Do you want to lie in Mom’s arms and rest for a while?”
My daughter was still just a little ball. In another 1 or 2 years, I probably wouldn’t be able to lift her even if I wanted to.
I suddenly lamented how quickly time was passing. And my life was far too short.
‘If possible, I really want to accompany her forever and ever.’
Unfortunately, I cannot do it… I simply cannot do it.
My eyelashes trembled slightly. The most painful sorrow of my heart reflected in my eyes. The eternal calm in my gaze shifted into sadness before finally returning to an eerie silence.
I should just live in the moment. While I am still here, I must strive to spend more time with Little Zhizhi and Su Liumeng.
If I do that, I should have no regrets.
With the practical problems repeatedly torturing me, I no longer had the strength to think about my own life experience, and I had no heart left to plan my own future. Let it be. As long as I can spend more time with them, no matter how much I have to sacrifice, it will be worth it.
A great web formed by the past and the future has long since suppressed me, making it impossible for me to breathe.
A dark past. A bleak future.
These are the dark clouds that linger in my sky all day long, preventing me from finding my true self. The eternal silence of night will eventually arrive, yet it will never truly end. It is both a contradiction and my current reality.
Their existence in the present is the only sun I can grasp, allowing me to survive on the brink in my own trapped life.
I walked forward while holding my daughter, putting the fish bucket away as I went. In the blink of an eye, Zhizhi had already grown this big.
I didn’t know how many more years I would be able to hold her. Looking at her expression as she constantly dozed off, she must really like sleeping in her mother’s arms.
Si Zhizuo was already very sleepy. Her mother’s embrace provided too much of a sense of security. Even when she didn’t want to sleep, drowsiness kept surging up.
She hadn’t figured out her problem yet. She hadn’t communicated with Su Liumeng. She still had many, many things on her mind and didn’t actually want to sleep yet.
However, she still couldn’t withstand the constant fighting between her upper and lower eyelids. Soon, her breathing became slow and deep.
I placed my daughter on my lap and slowly sat down on a large rock by the river, gazing at the red sun in the distance.
The figure of the young girl in pure, flawless white, holding the child, froze into a picture. Her eyes were so dull they lacked any emotion, making her look like a doll—exquisite to the point of perfection, yet liable to shatter at the slightest touch.
Si Zhizuo rarely dreamed, especially when she slept with Si Xinyan. But today, she had a dream.
It wasn’t a sweet dream; it was more like a nightmare.
In the dream, she was constantly growing up, while the figure in front of her was gradually becoming blurred. The distance between the two of them grew further and further until the person vanished completely.
In her dream, Si Zhizuo kept shouting and calling out, trying to make the figure stay. She even summoned her Domain.
The basic rules could be rewritten, but they could not stop the figure in front of her from leaving.
She knelt on the ground and cried continuously, pounding the earth in despair. The scene was too realistic, and the feeling of hopelessness lingered so persistently that, in reality, her face was already covered in tears.
I reached out my small hand and slowly rubbed the corners of my daughter’s eyes with my fingertips, while my other hand continuously patted her back.
“Don’t cry, don’t cry.”
“Mom is always with you.”
As Little Zhizhi remained immersed in her nightmare, the tears at the corners of her eyes overflowed even more upon hearing those words.