Chi Yingyu’s current state was half-threat and half-coaxing. “For once, don’t worry about anything else. Just follow your own heart and think about it properly, okay?”
“My own heart… my heart tells me that we both need to calm down right now.”
“Am I not calm enough already?”
Chi Yingyu looked at Jiang Lai, who was still trying to reject her and gloss over everything even now. Her heart felt a pang of bitterness. “I just want a clear answer. Is that… is that so much to ask?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jiang Lai truly didn’t want to see a expression of sorrow on Chi Yingyu’s face because of her.
“But by dragging this out, aren’t you hurting me right now anyway?”
“If you want an answer that badly, my answer remains the same as before: it is absolutely impossible between the two of us.”
Jiang Lai had never allowed herself to fantasize about her sister-in-law. To her, having those kinds of feelings for her late wife’s sister was sickening. What kind of person would actually feel that way? Jiang Lai could never give in; she could never betray her departed wife.
“Can’t you just cast aside those worldly social conventions in your heart?”
“Yingyu, you say I’ve been running away, but aren’t you also running away from my answer? From the very beginning, I never gave you hope, nor did I ever give you an ambiguous response. I have rejected you all along; I’ve rejected every one of your advances. I don’t understand what part of me gave you the illusion that I would agree…”
The more cruel the words coming out of Jiang Lai’s mouth became, the tighter she gripped Chi Yingyu’s hand. Deep down, she was terrified of losing Chi Yingyu—the person who was so incredibly important to her.
If she could help it, she didn’t want to be so heartless. “I truly want us to go back to the way we were. The promises I made you before still stand. I guarantee that I will never have anyone else by my side, and I will never be with anyone else. I will never have a second partner in this lifetime. Is that not enough?”
“But if that’s the case, what’s the difference between that and us dating? It’s just a matter of labels. Can’t you just give in?”
“Yingyu, you said you wanted an answer, and I gave you mine, yet you refuse to accept it. I realize how contradictory we are. On this matter, we might never reach a consensus.”
Jiang Lai was rejecting her sister-in-law directly now, but in reality, she couldn’t leave Chi Yingyu. She wouldn’t be able to leave her for the rest of her life. After decades of being together, even if they had maintained a proper and reasonable distance, that long-term companionship made it impossible for Jiang Lai to imagine a life without her.
Jiang Lai felt she was being pathetic. She craved the sense of security Chi Yingyu provided, and every time her sister-in-law expressed her love, Jiang Lai’s first reaction was “absolutely not,” but the lingering feeling afterward was filled with joy. Because the more her sister-in-law loved her, the more certain it was that she would never leave. She could stay by Jiang Lai’s side forever.
“Yes… I want to be with you openly. I want to be the partner by your side. But in your eyes, social conventions and the past are more important than me. I’ve already humbled myself so much, yet you still refuse. Is what I’m asking for really that hard to give?”
Chi Yingyu knew that no matter what she said now, she couldn’t change her sister-in-law’s mind. Jiang Lai’s resolve was harder to break than she had ever imagined. What can I do? What will it take to change her heart? Is my love really that hard to accept?
She wasn’t lacking in any way, so why should she be inferior to others? Why was she denied even the chance to realize the love in her heart? Chi Yingyu bit her lip hard, unable to find a solution. Must this love remain buried forever?
Chi Yingyu let out a deep sigh. In that moment, it was as if she had reached a final decision. Ignoring the people in the hotel lobby and the judgmental stares of others, she used their joined hands to pull Jiang Lai toward her.
With one hand firmly cupping the back of Jiang Lai’s head, she kissed her, fully prepared in her heart to be slapped. The moment their lips met, Chi Yingyu treated this as if it were their very last kiss. Even if people were watching, even if her own sister came back and saw this scene, she wouldn’t let go.
Jiang Lai felt Chi Yingyu’s kiss—a kiss born of desperation. The soft sensation lingered on her lips. She struggled weakly for a moment, finding that Chi Yingyu wasn’t using much strength, but even within the range where she could have broken free, Jiang Lai gave up in her heart and allowed Chi Yingyu to have her way.
She couldn’t bring herself to be that cruel. She had just said so many harsh things; Chi Yingyu’s heart was already riddled with holes from her words. She felt that offering this small bit of compensation was the least she could do.
Jiang Lai felt her own logic was laughable, but as she felt her own lack of resistance, she finally understood… exactly why her sister-in-law was so obsessed with her. It was all because of her own indulgent attitude.
The simple kiss lasted a long time. Even as bystanders stopped to watch, it didn’t affect them. Finally, when Chi Yingyu had had enough, they pulled apart.
Chi Yingyu knew her forced kiss must have repulsed Jiang Lai. She was about to instinctively apologize, but Jiang Lai spoke first.
“I’m sorry. All this time, I’ve been subconsciously enjoying your intimate gestures. It’s because of that enjoyment and my failure to refuse that you kept having these illusions, isn’t it?”
Jiang Lai was very aware that since she had become a woman, the level of intimacy between her and her sister-in-law had far exceeded the past. That was the root of the problem.
“What exactly are you pursuing in me? Is it a unique status, or do you want to develop a physical relationship?”
“I want everything. I want all of you. Your heart and your body… they should all belong to me.”