When she saw the girl again, she had already finished the dishes and had changed back into her previous clothes at some point. This left Liu Yinuo with a hint of regret; she had wanted to see the girl in women’s clothing for a while longer.
However, it didn’t really matter. As long as the girl agreed to stay at her house—or failing that, at least come over every day at noon for tutoring as they had agreed—she would have plenty of opportunities to buy her a better-fitting, more beautiful set of women’s clothes. She had that confidence; she was confident her taste wouldn’t be inferior to Lin Ziyan’s, and she was even more confident that her own resources were far superior. Her parents were highly educated middle-class professionals, while Lin Ziyan’s parents were just two ordinary low-level workers. This was a stark, naked disparity laid out in the open!
As long as Ye Xingmian agreed, she was confident she could provide her a much better life. From food and clothing to housing and transport, she had confidence in every aspect.
But precisely because of this, she understood even less why the girl still avoided her despite such a massive disparity.
She didn’t understand.
Lin Ziyan also came downstairs, carrying her schoolbag as she glanced at the two people below.
Without saying a word, she turned off the heating in the house on her own and then opened the front door, seemingly prepared to leave.
Liu Yinuo ignored her, rushing to Ye Xingmian’s side after heading downstairs.
“Shall we go?”
“Ah… I still need to mop the floor… You guys go ahead…”
The girl’s voice was soft, as if she lacked any confidence. Liu Yinuo’s brow furrowed.
“Can’t you mop it tonight?”
“Ah… tonight…”
“Let’s go. If we don’t leave now, we’ll be late.”
“Okay… fine…”
Actually, the girl didn’t need to mop the floor at all. She just didn’t want to walk with the Class Monitor anymore. Every time she saw the kindness shimmering in the Class Monitor’s eyes, she felt an inexplicable pang of guilt.
However, she was still bad at lying and even worse at using clumsy lies to reject others.
Following Liu Yinuo out the door, the girl locked it and handed the key to Lin Ziyan.
“Catch!”
Coldly throwing the schoolbag to the girl, Lin Ziyan left on her own.
“Hey! Why aren’t you even carrying your own bag?”
“She’s my brother. What business is it of yours if I make her carry it?”
Without even looking back, Lin Ziyan drew further and further away from them. By the time she finally disappeared, Liu Yinuo’s frown had deepened.
Looking at the girl who carried the heavy schoolbag without a word of complaint—wearing the scarf Liu Yinuo had given her—she was clearly struggling, her body swaying slightly.
“Give it to me, I’ll carry it for you,” Liu Yinuo suggested.
The girl just shook her head gently, her soft hair swaying with the movement.
“I’m fine, Class Monitor.”
After replying, the girl walked ahead on her own with the schoolbag. Liu Yinuo hurried to catch up.
“Are you sure? You’re too thin. Carrying that must be exhausting.”
The girl remained silent.
Seeing her like this, Liu Yinuo didn’t know what to say for a moment.
They walked together for a long while. Frozen, hard snow was piled by the roadside, and their breath condensed into white mist in the air. Under the sun, today’s temperature was still exceptionally cold.
“Student Ye… about what I said, will you really not consider it?”
The girl suddenly stopped in her tracks.
Liu Yinuo saw endurance on her face. She didn’t know what the girl was thinking, but she vaguely realized one thing: perhaps the girl didn’t want to refuse her either?
“I’m sorry, Class Monitor, I cannot agree.”
After holding it in for a long time, the girl said this and continued walking forward.
“Why? Can you tell me the reason? If you tell me the reason, I’ll help you find a way, I really will!”
Hoping to move the girl with her sincerity, Liu Yinuo leaned in closer and took the girl’s small hand. Liu Yinuo could feel the girl’s hand stiffen for a moment, but she didn’t let go or struggle, just letting her hold it. Clearly, the girl didn’t seem to resist her proximity.
However, unlike her honest body, the girl kept her head down and remained silent.
It was happening again… it was happening again…
Refusing to answer, saying nothing, bottled up inside. Could that solve anything? Could that grant her wishes? Liu Yinuo couldn’t understand at all. Looking at the girl, she unconsciously bit her lower lip and tightened her hand.
“Class… Class Monitor…” the girl suddenly spoke with a tremble, “You’re hurting me…”
“Ah? Oh…” Dazed, Liu Yinuo snapped out of it and released the girl’s hand as if she’d been struck by an electric shock. After that, the girl lowered her head, using her other hand to pinch the sore spot, trying to ease the pain.
“Sorry…” Liu Yinuo felt a wave of self-reproach. She didn’t know why she had made such a basic mistake. Seeing the girl’s hand turned red from her grip and the tears welling in the corners of her eyes, she felt immensely guilty.
Dejected, she tried to find something to talk about.
“Um… Student Ye… is your fever better? Should I buy you some more cold medicine…”
The girl didn’t respond, only remaining silent.
“Right… do you have fitting underwear now? Why don’t I take you to a shop to look now? It won’t take long, we won’t be late…” She belatedly noticed that the girl hadn’t been covering her chest with her hands today.
“…No need, Class Monitor.” The girl’s voice sounded muffled.
“Then… then… about the tutoring tomorrow… are you still coming to my house?”
“…” There was no answer.
Just as Liu Yinuo was hesitating whether to find another topic, the girl beside her suddenly turned and bowed to her.
“I’m sorry, Class Monitor… I have something urgent, I’m leaving first.”
After that, the girl fled in a hurry, leaving Liu Yinuo standing there in shock, staring blankly at her back.
She looked at her hand. A moment ago, it was holding a soft, warm hand, but now it was empty.
“Did I do something wrong?” she wondered, feeling lost.
***
Carrying the heavy schoolbag, the girl ran the whole way. She didn’t go to school but instead found a deserted deep alleyway.
Panting heavily, she leaned against the wall. Her eyes were red, and she could no longer hold it back; clear tears rolled down her cheeks.
Why… why is it like this… why…
I’m sorry… Class Monitor… I’m sorry… I didn’t want to refuse… I… I feel so bad…
The Class Monitor’s caring words continued to replay in her mind—her caution when testing the waters, the guilt and shock when she accidentally hurt her, and all those warm gestures. Each one felt like a sharp blade silently stabbing into her trembling heart.
She slumped down against the wall, her vision long since blurred by tears. She felt so useless, so utterly useless!
Why didn’t she even have the courage to accept the Class Monitor’s kindness? Why was she so cowardly?
Why?
She thought that after what happened yesterday, she would have changed, or at least become a bit tougher. In fact, she had succeeded; she no longer feared the bitter cold of the snow or the cold glares in her adoptive parents’ home. Those things could no longer leave marks in her heart. She was really trying hard to change.
But when facing the Class Monitor’s kindness, that intense sense of unworthiness and guilt still crushed her easily.
“Uwaa… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
The girl hugged her knees. In this sunless alley, the temperature was even colder, and her hands were already red from the frost.
She seemed to vaguely realize something, yet she didn’t dare to accept that it was her own thought. She neither deserved it nor should she feel it.
Her shoulders shook gently as tears fell silently, soaking the warm scarf.
I think I…
A strong sense of self-loathing surged and boiled within her at that moment.
I’m not wrong… I’m not wrong… it really is that…
I think I… might have a bit of a crush on the Class Monitor…