‘There are many things I can tolerate, but this isn’t one of them.’
‘To be mistaken for a celestial being? This is the worst possible situation, overshadowing all the false accusations accumulated from my past mistakes.’
‘And the most horrifying part? That insane saintess.’
‘I somehow managed to brush off the whole “celestial being” nonsense, framing it as the delusion of that guy Yuda, who manipulated people with some kind of mental control. ‘
‘But now? My true identity being exposed?’
“This… this is blasphemy. Please forgive us for our irreverence!”
The people who had been on the battlefield earlier.
Even ordinary citizens of the Holy Kingdom are like this now—clinging to my ankles, sobbing uncontrollably, and dripping tears and snot everywhere.
Some are scolding others for daring to touch me, and one guy looks like he’s ready to commit seppuku.
‘If this is how ordinary people are, then what about the saintess?’
Just thinking about it makes my head spin.
Her blind adoration, already unbearable before, is bound to get exponentially worse.
***
[Rumor mill begins]
“Professor Riyan was seen walking stark naked through the academy halls? What’s the problem with that? Disciplinary action? Sexual harassment? What nonsense are you spouting? If you dare disgrace yourself by whining about such divine grace after being blessed with a glimpse of his body, I’ll personally teach you manners with my mace.”
“Professor Riyan suddenly grew a mustache and turned into an anti-beastkin supremacist? What’s the problem with that? Honestly, why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’ll join him immediately!”
[Rumor mill ends]
Just imagining these things makes me feel like I’m about to pass out.
‘If I don’t get a grip right now, I’m guaranteed a bad ending.’
I forcibly pull myself together.
Even when dragged into a tiger’s den, there’s always a way to survive.
As long as I stay calm, there are still plenty of ways to avoid this disaster.
Recreating the legends.
That’s how I managed so far.
I reluctantly used holy words, invoked divine powers, and even killed demons.
From every angle, I looked the part of a celestial being.
Of course, no one would believe me if I denied it now.
‘So, why not change the approach entirely?’
‘There’s no need to lie anymore.’
Something like, “A divine being temporarily descended into my body. Everything was the work of the great Celestial.”
That should clear up most of the misunderstanding.
I clear my throat.
I calmly lower my voice to sound reverent and declare, “I am but a mere servant of the Celestial.”
***
“I am the Celestial. It’s a pleasure to meet you in person.”
But then, my mouth moves on its own.
I cannot comprehend what’s happening.
‘Have I gone mad from the stress?’
As I panic internally, I realize I need to do something before this escalates.
I try to offer an explanation, but—
My rebellious mouth keeps spouting words completely different from my thoughts.
This is bad.
“Someone must have cursed me! A demon! There’s still a demon hiding here—find it and kill it!”
“My beloved children! Your love! Your prayers! They have reached me! Truly, you are faithful and cherished above all. Fear not, for I shall watch over you!”
Please, stop looking at me with those expectant eyes.
I’m barely holding it together as a teacher at the academy—’what more do you want from me?’
“Execute the sinner Yuda. The unbearable vacancy of the celestial throne ends now. …I shall ascend to the heavens.”
…Wait. What did I just say?
“I will assume the position of the 71st Pope.”
The cheerful, detailed proclamation leaves my mind in a haze.
Meanwhile, the atmosphere around me has turned into a festival.
The people are celebrating—not only have they confirmed the existence of their deity, but they’ve also been told they are loved and cherished.
On top of that, the deity promised to personally take charge and protect everyone.
The people of the Holy Kingdom couldn’t help but celebrate such news.
Their joy was almost expected.
Complete and utter excitement filled the air.
Everyone cheered and sprang into action, each eager to contribute in some way.
Some rushed to drag Yuda to the execution platform.
With the atmosphere so overheated and undoubtedly filled with extremists like the saintess, I couldn’t help but wonder—would Yuda even make it to the execution ground in one piece? Would any of his limbs remain intact?
But that wasn’t the issue right now.
Everyone had turned their eyes upside down, frantically hunting for the sinner.
It wasn’t until those surrounding me disappeared in pursuit of Yuda that the strange curse holding me finally lifted.
‘Who in the world did this to me?’
I thought about it for a moment, but the answer soon became irrelevant.
The culprit revealed themselves.
Clearly wary after the previous incident, they didn’t connect directly to me.
Instead, divine letters formed in the air.
[Do not take it to heart.]
The glowing letters quickly coalesced into readable words.
[A violation of established rules. The repercussions of your defiance. If I consider the state of my ravaged form, caused by the backlash you passed onto me, it’s a crime worthy of death. However, there is room for leniency.]
The Celestial of the Empire spoke to me directly.
[Considering the legitimacy of your anger and the good deeds you’ve accomplished, I’ve decided to offer a compromise.]
The compromise? They wanted me to take the position of the Pope.
In exchange, they would turn a blind eye to the attack I had committed earlier.
Of course, I had no intention of accepting such a ridiculous proposal.
But it wasn’t as if I had any choice.
‘I didn’t even know what was happening back there.’
If someone tried to manipulate my body, the basic principle was to reverse the connection and control them instead.
Even if the other party was a Celestial, missing such an obvious opportunity meant only one thing—my body was so exhausted it couldn’t even perform its basic functions.
If I refused the proposal, the situation would repeat itself.
They might retaliate by making me say something even worse.
Something like, “If I’m ever fired, it’s definitely a demon impersonating me, so don’t believe it.”
A single sentence like that would guarantee a bad ending.
Not only would I fail to get fired, but if I was unlucky, I might even be mistaken for a fake and killed by the students.
I truly had no options.
***
“Celestial! We’ve brought the sinner, Yuda!”
The crowd returned right on cue.
A sacred sword was placed into my trembling hands.
As if this were some kind of timed event, they eagerly prepared to crown me.
All eyes were on me.
Before the Celestial could change their mind, before they could revoke their intention to rule and declare that human matters should be handled by humans, the people were desperate to solidify my position.
Tears of frustration streamed down my face as I drew the sword.
And thus, a new chapter in the history of the Holy Kingdom began.
The heinous apostate was executed.
Even so, the merciful Celestial, who shed tears for one of their children in the sinner’s final moments, would forever be remembered as a compassionate figure.
The Holy Kingdom now basked in the glory of being directly ruled by the great Celestial.
***
[Where exactly did it go wrong? Contractor, are you seriously asking me that?]
After assigning the Pope’s duties to someone more appropriate, I returned to the familiar teacher’s dormitory.
There, I found myself subjected to such a bizarre question from a miniature Pegasus.
A supposed ally who shared my goal of getting fired.
‘Two heads are better than one,’ I had thought.
Rather than agonizing over it alone, I figured collaborating on a plan would be more effective.
But the Pegasus looked at me with a baffled expression.
It spoke bluntly.
[Everything. Every single thing you’ve done is the problem.]
It claimed that my failure to get fired wasn’t surprising at all.
The Pegasus continued, seemingly struggling to decide where to even begin its critique.
[At this rate, you won’t even dream of getting fired.]
[You keep claiming you’d do anything to get fired for your own safety, yet when the critical moments come, you always throw yourself into danger to save someone else.]
What followed was harsh and relentless criticism.
‘There’s a limit to “doing anything.”’
‘If someone can be saved, I’ll save them.’
Getting fired could wait, but death was irreversible.
Priorities mattered.
And since the incident was caused by me, wasn’t it only logical to take responsibility?
Clearly, spirits didn’t understand human emotions.
Seeking advice from such a being had been my mistake.
[I simply don’t get it. Even if your goal were achieved, you’d never…]
I immediately dismissed the miniature pony’s summoning.
‘If it can’t be a loyal advisor, it should at least be a competent one.’
Not only was the artificial spirit unhelpful, but it also had the audacity to hurl unwanted criticism.
Continuing the conversation would only lead to more frustration.
‘That said… it’s true I need an ally.’
Even my creativity had its limits.
It wasn’t easy to devise an ingenious scheme that could get me fired from both the Pope and teacher positions simultaneously.
I needed someone.
Someone competent and reliable.
After a moment of contemplation, I made my decision.
It seemed like it was time to recruit an assistant.