As a result, because she felt as though she’d been purified, Motifiel, caught up in her excitement, decided to share one of her secrets with Liang Lai.
This child, she really is so impulsive.
“Lianglai Mama…! I…! I can actually see. I’m not blind!”
After saying this, she regretted it immediately.
Damn, if I say something like this, will I be suspected?
Right?
So, before Liang Lai could even open her mouth to speak, Motifiel rushed to add on.
“I-I was just scared you’d think I’m a weird person without eyeballs… That’s why I never said anything. I was afraid you’d dislike me, so, so I just kept it hidden. S-sorry….”
Saying this, Motifiel lowered her head, not daring to look at Liang Lai any longer.
However, Liang Lai only laughed, lifting her face with both hands.
“I knew it. I always felt like you could see, always seeing you looking all around. I even thought you were sniffing for some kind of scent… Turns out you could see all along~ That’s a good thing, you should have told me sooner. I’d have been happy for you too~”
Liang Lai was speaking the truth.
She’d always seen this silly child glancing everywhere and thought maybe her neck was just stiff, but never did she imagine that this child, despite lacking pupils, could see everything around her.
Well~
But if it’s in another world, then everything makes sense~
So, could the reason Motifiel was always so panicked and afraid be because of this secret?
Thinking this, Liang Lai gave her cheek a gentle pinch.
“It’s fine, I won’t blame you. If anything, I’d only blame you for not telling me sooner~ Isn’t that just not trusting me? I totally understand your anxiety, so I don’t blame you. In the future, you don’t have to carry such a burden~”
After saying this, Liang Lai took Motifiel’s hand again and, steps light, walked toward the direction of the Court of Purity.
Eh?
Motifiel looked up at Liang Lai.
Is this woman really capable of accepting anything? Is her heart truly this broad?
She… she really is a good person.
Motifiel herself didn’t realize that the look in her eyes when she gazed at the Saintess grew more and more worshipful and infatuated.
However, she could feel her own heart pounding wildly.
Stretching out a hand to press against her chest, Motifiel really couldn’t make sense of what this feeling was.
“What on earth is this?”
…She just couldn’t understand it.
So…
In the days that followed, Motifiel began to visit the Library frequently.
On tiptoe, she darted between dust-laden bookshelves, hauling down thick tomes one by one and flipping through them with a rustle beneath the lamplight.
“Human Emotions Research? That’s not it,” she muttered softly, tossing the book aside. “Holy Book? That’s even more wrong!”
When she pulled out the dust-covered Resonance of Emotion: Mirror of the Soul from a corner, a cloud of dust billowed up.
Motifiel sneezed, impatiently opening the front page.
“Chapter One: On Human Love.”
Her finger paused on the page, and her heart suddenly sped up. Maybe this was the answer she was looking for?
“Love comes in many forms,” she read, word by word. “Parental love, friendship, romantic love.”
Motifiel wrinkled her nose.
These categories felt too abstract. Whenever she thought of Liang Lai, that conflicted feeling of wanting to get close but being afraid of being found out—what category did that belong to?
Ah, it really is so hard to understand, human emotions! No, that’s not right… Clearly, Lord Claudious once said that the people who live in the Court are the least emotional beings, even less so than us Darkspawn.
But why did she always feel that Liang Lai’s emotions were so rich?
As Motifiel was troubled by this, a voice shattered the quiet around her.
“Hey, what are you reading?”
A cold voice sounded from above.
Motifiel was so startled she nearly threw the book away.
At some point, Dolosa had appeared behind her, golden eyes fixed on the book in Motifiel’s hand.
“N-nothing!”
Motifiel hastily hid the book behind her back.
“J-just flipping through randomly, that’s all~”
Dolosa raised her brows, suddenly reaching out to snatch the book. She glanced at the title, the corner of her mouth lifting in a cold smirk.
“So that’s how it is.”
She tossed the book back into Motifiel’s arms.
“Hey, you’d best stay away from Liang Lai.”
“Why?” Motifiel blurted out.
Dolosa leaned in close to her ear, her breath cold as ice, “Because she belongs to me alone.”
That’s right, our possessive Dolosa is here to threaten the newcomer again.
This sentence made Motifiel’s back go cold. Watching Dolosa’s departing figure, she suddenly realized she might have stumbled into a dangerous territory.
The next morning at breakfast, Motifiel deliberately sat between the twins.
“Um, um,” she asked Asterys softly, “If someone always wants to be near another person, and their heart races whenever they see them, what does that mean?”
Asterys and Delucia exchanged a knowing glance.
“That’s a perfectly normal feeling of admiration~” Asterys replied with a cheerful smile.
“Just like how we admire Lianglai Mama.”
Delucia nodded, “You want to be with Lianglai Mama every day, don’t you? We feel the same.”
Motifiel felt like something was off, but couldn’t put her finger on it. The twins’ smiles were too perfect, like two exquisite masks.
That afternoon in the garden, she ran into Illucy, who was pruning roses.
“Illucy!”
Motifiel squatted down beside her.
“Do you know what it feels like to like someone?”
Illucy’s hand trembled, and she almost cut herself with the scissors.
With her head lowered, her voice was as faint as a mosquito, “It’s… it’s wanting to protect her…”
“And what else?”
“Wanting to become the most important person to her,” Illucy’s voice grew softer and softer, “Even if it hurts myself, it doesn’t matter…”
That’s right, this one means self-( )harm.
Motifiel pondered.
That seemed a little different from what she felt toward Liang Lai?
The worst person to consult was Dexilensi.
When Motifiel finally mustered the courage to ask her, the blonde girl gave a meaningful smile.
“You want to know what love is?”
Dexilensi stroked the cross at her chest.
“Love is exclusivity! You have to drive everyone else away, only ”
She suddenly grabbed Motifiel’s wrist.
“For example, right now, I really want to throw you down a well.”
Goodness, ever since Liang Lai had that talk with her last time, this one has been even saltier than salt.
Looking at the girl in front of her, who was even more twisted than Pope Wei, Motifiel trembled with fear and turned away
—and fled in panic.
“Uuu, humans are just too scary!” The poor Darkspawn girl flopped onto her bed, sobbing.
That night, she had a bizarre dream.
In the dream, Liang Lai was cut into several pieces—Dolosa held her head, Dexilensi clung to her waist, the twins each grabbed a hand… and Motifiel herself could only stand at a distance, eyes full of longing, like a dog locked in a cage, wanting to join the feast but never able to get out.
When she woke, Motifiel found she’d torn her bedsheets.
At some point, her Darkspawn’s black, misshapen claws had come out, leaving several slashes in the fabric.
“This is bad!”
She frantically stuffed the holes under the pillow, but when she turned, she knocked over the lamp.
The crash of the lamp brought Liang Lai running.
“What’s going on?”
Liang Lai pushed the door open, just in time to see Motifiel trying to shield the broken glass with her body.
“I-I didn’t mean to, it was an accident! S-sorry…”
Motifiel lowered her head in shame. She was always like this, unable to do anything right.
Liang Lai sighed and gently nudged the child aside, squatting down to clean up the mess.
“You’re not hurt, are you? Don’t clean up here. Be careful not to cut your hand.”
Motifiel shook her head, but suddenly noticed that Liang Lai’s fingertip had been nicked by the glass.
A bead of dark red blood welled up, strikingly vivid in the moonlight.
Her throat tightened—the Darkspawn instinct screamed at her to stay away from the Saintess’s blood, but another, stronger urge pushed her to lick that wound…
“Lianglai Mama,” she heard her own hoarse voice, “your hand…”
“Ah, it’s just a scratch.”
Liang Lai wiped it casually on her skirt.
“More importantly, have you had something on your mind lately?”
Motifiel’s heart skipped a beat, “Why do you ask?”
“You’ve been running to the Library a lot lately, and keep asking the other kids strange questions.”
Liang Lai tilted her head at her.
“Are you searching for something?”
Motifiel’s nails unconsciously dug into her palm.
How could she say it? Should she tell Liang Lai that a Darkspawn like her was studying how to define her feelings for the Saintess?
“I-I just…” her voice grew smaller and smaller, “want to know how to be more like your child…”
That wasn’t really a lie, right?
This answer seemed to touch Liang Lai. The Saintess’s violet eyes widened slightly, then softened gently.
“Silly girl.”
She ruffled Motifiel’s hair.
“You already are my child.”
The touch made Motifiel freeze.
She could feel her skin heating up—something quite unusual for a Darkspawn.
But Liang Lai just stood up, yawned.
“Go to bed early, Xiao Mo. Tomorrow I’ll take everyone to the shops in the Court~ Let’s all be happy together~”
After Liang Lai left, Motifiel collapsed onto her bed, heart pounding like thunder.
She touched her own face, feeling how hot it was. This kind of reaction was mentioned in the Resonance of Emotion: Mirror of the Soul—was this… feelings of infatuation?
“No way,” she muttered, “I’m a Darkspawn, she’s the Saintess…”
This realization filled her with both fear and excitement.
Fear, because these feelings could never be fulfilled. Excitement, because she’d finally discovered the truth behind the tremor in her heart.
The next day, at the shop, Motifiel kept sneaking glances at Liang Lai.
In the sunlight, the Saintess’s silver hair shone brilliantly, forming a stark contrast to the cold, lifeless buildings around her.
She bought presents for every child, even giving the always-cold-faced Dolosa a new headband.
When it was Motifiel’s turn, Liang Lai picked up a dark red hairpin.
“This suits you very well.”
Motifiel took the hairpin, her fingertips accidentally brushing Liang Lai’s hand. In that instant, she felt an electric current shoot through her whole body.
“T-thank you…” she stammered, pinning the hairpin to her bangs.
“Does it look good?”
Liang Lai nodded with a smile, “Very cute.”
Those two words made Motifiel’s chest tighten, and she finally understood the “sweet pain” described in the Resonance of Emotion: Mirror of the Soul.
On the way back, it started to rain lightly, and Motifiel, as usual, managed to dirty her clothes again. Liang Lai took off her coat and draped it over Motifiel’s head.
“Don’t wear that anymore, it’s all muddy.”
The fabric still carried Liang Lai’s scent, and Motifiel couldn’t help but take a deep breath.
This almost obsessive behavior made her feel ashamed, but she couldn’t control her urge to get closer.
That night, Motifiel made a bold decision.
She slipped into Liang Lai’s room, and while the Saintess was sleeping, she lightly kissed her fingertip.
The kiss was quick and fleeting, but left Motifiel trembling all over.
She ran back to her own room like a fugitive, burying her face in the pillow and letting out a silent scream.
She finally understood: this was the “romantic love” described in the Resonance of Emotion: Mirror of the Soul.
Not attachment to a mother, not gratitude to a protector, but a desire for exclusivity, a longing for intimacy.
This realization filled Motifiel with both sweetness and pain.
Sweet, because she finally understood her feelings. Painful, because she knew this feeling could never have a happy ending.
“Idiot,” she scolded herself, “you’re a Darkspawn…! How could you…”
Outside, the rain fell harder and harder.
Motifiel curled up in bed, listening to the sound of raindrops against the glass.
That rhythm, oddly enough, matched her heartbeat: chaotic, persistent. Just like her feelings for Liang Lai—knowing they shouldn’t exist, yet unable to stop.
“So annoying…!”
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