[……]
A brief silence flowed through the phone. What followed was a tone that seemed to doubt its own hearing.
[Yoon Joo…ho?]
“Is that guy next to you?”
Instead of answering the question trying to confirm the caller’s identity, Yoon Jooho continued his story.
“If he’s there, tell him not to have a seizure. I’m calling about Hyunsoo.”
[If it’s Han, he said he went to work out… but Hyunsoo? What’s wrong with Hyunsoo?]
Jung Jin spoke with a worried voice, almost pressing.
“There’s nothing wrong in that sense that you’re worried about. He’s asleep on my bed right now.”
[What did you say?]
Leaving Jung Jin, who couldn’t accept the shocking news, behind, Yoon Jooho stepped forward.
“You’ve never told Song Hyunsoo that we were more than just friends, right?”
[What’s with the sudden question? Let’s get the context straight first.]
“Have you told him or not?”
“No! Why would I tell him that!”
Hearing the answer he wanted, Yoon Jooho finally closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. His long eyelashes fluttered lightly as if touched by a gentle breath.
Raising his eyelids, he gripped tightly the glass of on-the-rocks whiskey placed before him.
“Don’t ever do it again. No matter what happens, don’t tell him. That’s why I’m calling.”
[You’re still pushing right to the point. I really don’t get what you’re trying to say. Why are you even worried about this?]
The sound of Jung Jin’s confused sigh triggered memories and emotions stirring inside Yoon Jooho. A sigh full of resignation, as if tired of his own stubbornness, giving up.
It was a reaction he had seen for a long time from the man on the other end of the line.
Jung Jin had been one of Yoon Jooho’s sex partners for several years.
When busy with schedules or during Jooho’s brief relationships, they hadn’t been intimate, sometimes meeting only once every few months.
The relationship, which could have ended easily, had continued because Jung Jin never expressed dissatisfaction.
Even when suddenly called out after months or when Jooho announced he had a new lover, Jung Jin always had no complaints. Unlike other partners.
When Jung Jin had tried to end the relationship, Yoon Jooho had clearly been taken aback. He thought Jung Jin was like a mountain or a rock, always in the same place.
During their long time together, Yoon Jooho had never consciously thought it was love. Only after being told it was over did he belatedly feel he didn’t want to lose him.
Although his mind knew it was too late, he tried to hold on. And Yoon Jooho recognized that as love.
He desperately needed something that would never change. Because everything around him was tainted and mutable.
He had vaguely hoped that Jung Jin might be that value. Even if left as just a sex partner.
He had never tried to hold onto someone who wanted to leave. Except Jung Jin.
He had never suffered through the pain of loss afterward. Except in Jung Jin’s case.
Having experienced what most first encounter in adolescence—post-breakup trauma—in his thirties for the first time, he once despaired, thinking it would last forever.
But time had dulled everything.
Even hearing Jung Jin’s voice no longer brought the bitter taste squeezed painfully from his heart. It was as if healed.
Like a fractured tibia that had fused well, strong legs that could run, jump, and climb mountains as if it had never been injured.
Yoon Jooho thought of Song Hyunsoo sleeping in his bed downstairs.
But what if he lost that boy?
He had let Hyunsoo in too deep and allowed himself to be changed at will. Hyunsoo himself, foolishly unaware.
He had never shared such an exchange with anyone before.
So, he had no experience of losing such a person.
He was afraid because he couldn’t even guess how it would feel.
Like a diver meeting a gigantic deep-sea creature he had never seen or heard of in water deeper than 30 meters… a dizzying sensation.
Slowly savoring the whiskey in his glass, Yoon Jooho calmly declared,
“We’re dating.”
[……What?]
“We’re dating.”
[Who with?]
Jung Jin was again doubting his own ears. Despite knowing him for years, he had never seen him so flustered. Yoon Jooho even felt a mischievous pleasure in it.
“Me and Song Hyunsoo. Hyunsoo is my boyfriend.”
[Are you playing some weird prank right now?]
Leaning his head down, chuckling repeatedly, Yoon Jooho spun the tall stool side to side. Anyone who knew him would recognize this reaction as a shocking change.
“He doesn’t know anything about the past. He just thinks you and I were close friends, and now that things are strained, we’ve grown apart. And it’s better if he keeps thinking that.”
[He never said a single word about dating you to me…]
“That’s because he thinks you two are awkward now. He probably couldn’t bring himself to say it easily. After we started dating, I told him not to say anything.”
“Why?”
“Because I was afraid he’d find out about you.”
Jung Jin remained silent, but the pace and tremor of his breathing conveyed his complicated feelings clearly.
Picking up the cigarette pack on the bar, Yoon Jooho took one out and said,
“Your best friend getting involved with my boyfriend isn’t exactly something anyone would be happy about, right?”
[No, wait, stop for a second. I don’t even understand why Hyunsoo is seeing you in the first place. Hyunsoo’s been through a lot. He’s trying to get through it well. For someone like that to get some weird idea…]
“Who said it’s a weird idea?”
Stopping his hand that was about to light the cigarette with a lighter, Yoon Jooho said harshly,
“I told you clearly—we’re dating.”
Then he flicked the wheel of the lighter, inhaled through the filter, and lit it glowing red.
“Was the shock so big you forgot what I said at first?”
[……]
“Song Hyunsoo is sleeping in my bed right now. My bedroom, my bed.”
Mumbling the words with the cigarette between his lips, Yoon Jooho shifted the cigarette to his fingers.
He never let sex partners, nor even romantic partners, into his bedroom inside the Master Zone with the door lock installed. Jung Jin knew that well. He had never been inside the Master Zone himself.
Jung Jin on the other end of the line seemed to struggle with the flood of overwhelming information.
[So you called to tell me to keep Hyunsoo from talking about the past? To keep him quiet?]
“What’s good about him knowing? You were the one who said it was meaningless. Why would he need to know something meaningless? You want Hyunsoo to be happy too, don’t you?”
[Is that a threat?]
“Or do you have a better idea?”
[If you’re serious about seeing him, you should be honest…]
Yoon Jooho flicked ash into the ashtray, brought the filter to his lips, and spoke quickly.
“I will. After we have about four kids.”
[What are you talking about now?]
“Don’t you know the story of Seonnyeo and the Woodcutter?”
[I’ve heard of it, but why are you bringing it up here?]
“The Woodcutter wasn’t supposed to return the winged garment until they had four kids. That stupid Woodcutter broke the rule. I’m saying I won’t end up like that.”
Blowing smoke thinly, Yoon Jooho rested the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray and poured a little more whiskey into the glass.
[I don’t know what to do.]
“I already told you what to do. What don’t you understand?”
[Until now, it didn’t matter if I didn’t say anything. But if Hyunsoo knows you’re dating and still doesn’t talk about it, that’s deception.]
“If I tell him, I’ll deal with it.”
[……]
“If it’s ruined, I’ll be the one to ruin it. If he questions me, I’ll be the one to face it. How to get past the past with you is already a problem between me and Song Hyunsoo.”
After a moment of thought, Jung Jin sighed deeply. It was a sigh of reluctant agreement that Yoon Jooho’s idea was the best.
[Calling me and even asking this kind of favor… You must be desperate, huh, Yoon Jooho?]
“I just don’t want to have problems for reasons unrelated to what’s between us.”
As he swallowed the whiskey, a short laugh came from the other side.
[You can even think like that? Did Hyunsoo fix you a little?]
“I don’t know if he fixed me or just made things worse. But he definitely changed me.”
[Well, Hyunsoo’s been your fan all along if you think about it.]
“When did that start?”
Yoon Jooho’s immediate curiosity clearly intrigued Jung Jin. The teasing tone in his voice carried a hint of laughter.
[If you’re curious, ask Hyunsoo yourself.]
“I know he was my fan. Who wouldn’t?”
He was a fan to the point of using my videos as masturbation material.
[I used to think it was funny when someone other than the person involved said stuff like this. Guess I’m no different.]
“What do you mean?”
[This is a favor as Hyunsoo’s older brother. Treat Hyunsoo well.]
“……”
[Give him everything you said you’d give me without holding back.]
“What did I say?”
After a moment’s delay, a surprisingly cheerful laugh came through. Amusingly, it was a kind of laughter Jung Jin had never heard from Yoon Jooho before, whether as a friend or sex partner.
[Yoon Jooho.]
“……”
[That’s what forgetting means.]
It hurt so much, but then you get better.
One word, one glance—all too vivid at first, but eventually fading.
He thought unchanging comfort was love, but now he wanted someone who stirred him up, made him cry, scream, run away, chase after, and change him. His definition of love had changed.
After ending the call, Yoon Jooho stubbed out the half-smoked cigarette and headed downstairs.
In the same darkness as before, this time Song Hyunsoo stirred at the sound of his presence and turned over.
“I’m home.”
Reaching out his arm toward the silhouette approaching the bed, Song Hyunsoo said,
“Feeling a bit better now?”
His voice hoarse from the intense sex soothed Yoon Jooho. Slipping into Hyunsoo’s embrace, Yoon Jooho relaxed fully atop him.
He rubbed his nose against the back of Hyunsoo’s neck, who teased him for being heavy.
“It’s not because of how I feel.”
“Then why?”
The voice near his ear was unbelievably comforting. Like a sedative injected straight into his veins.
Since he had promised, Jung Jin would never say anything first. Perhaps because of that relief, sleep suddenly overwhelmed him.
Closing his eyes, he burrowed deeper into Song Hyunsoo’s arms.
“Well… I guess it’s because of you.”
He felt like he would dream of Seonnyeo and the Woodcutter. A strong Seonnyeo with jet-black, stiff eyelashes appeared in his dreams.
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