Chapter 86: It’s Hard to Speak From the Heart, Yet a Rake All the Same

On the tenth day of April, the free clinic went fairly smoothly.

Aside from cupping an old grandfather and massaging an old grandmother’s arm, it was just as quiet as yesterday in the Small Courtyard, with only himself present.

But somehow, it felt like something was missing.

The villagers were as warm as ever, calling out “Sir, sir” whenever they saw him.

The path was still lined with the same grove, the trees bright and sparse, swaying gently in the spring breeze.

Yet the loneliness and chill hung heavy in the air.

There wasn’t much sadness—more a vague sense of unease that made him feel as if the whole world lacked a bit of color.

Sitting on the carriage heading home, gazing out at the falling cherry blossoms, for a fleeting moment, he thought he saw a figure—the one who had accompanied him for only about a month but left an unforgettable mark.

Amid the falling petals, she danced lightly, as if… still waving at him.

That feeling kept Xu Ping’an silent throughout the journey.

Sensing Xu Ping’an’s unusual mood, Zhao Pingzhi also remained quiet.

The carriage stopped at the gate of the Small Courtyard beneath dark clouds and a gloomy atmosphere.

Before he could step down, a sudden image flashed through his mind.

Xu Ping’an was stepping off the carriage, and waiting before him was the sickly beauty’s intelligent smile.

That scene passed before his eyes, and Xu Ping’an gave a wry smile, letting out a self-mocking chuckle.

“How come I never noticed before? Xu Ping’an, Xu Ping’an, you really are such a scoundrel.”

What he had seen earlier among the cherry blossoms was Pei Qingxuan walking away, but now, as he was about to get off the carriage, Li Yuer’s face appeared in his mind.

However, when he stepped down, he suddenly realized the sickly young lady who always waited for him by the door whenever he went out was nowhere to be seen.

This made Xu Ping’an frown slightly—not in displeasure, but with a hint of worry.

“Yuer? Xiao Jing? Zhou Liang?”

Everything inside the courtyard seemed normal, unchanged; the Array Formation showed no sign of being activated. Could it be… even Li Yuer had left without saying goodbye?

Xu Ping’an stood rooted to the spot.

Just then, a figure appeared.

“Sir, you’re back~”

It was Xiao Jing.

Xu Ping’an felt a bit of the unease inside him ease.

“Where is your lady?”

“Sir, a letter just arrived from the Duke of the Southern Border’s Residence; the lady is inside the house.”

So that was it—a letter from the Zhennan King.

Feeling somewhat reassured, Xu Ping’an also understood that receiving a letter at this time was likely not good news.

At that moment, Li Yuer appeared.

“Sir, you’re back?”

“Hmm, you…”

Xu Ping’an wanted to ask more but quickly thought better of it. He wasn’t someone from the Duke of the Southern Border’s Residence, nor was he anyone significant to Li Yuer—what right did he have to inquire?

Li Yuer seemed to sense Xu Ping’an’s melancholy and forced a faint smile.

“Sir, what’s wrong? Was today’s outing unlucky?”

She stepped forward and, as usual, began tidying his collar.

“Sir, you’re all disheveled. Could it be… some charming young lady from another family bewitched you and mistreated you?”

“What nonsense!”

Xu Ping’an rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Though he didn’t like hearing such words, strangely, it lightened his mood somewhat.

Li Yuer’s delicate hand gently smoothed two creases on his collar, but… she never fully smoothed them away.

Instead, she smoothed the same spot again.

When her slender hand brushed over his chest a third time, even Xu Ping’an, usually oblivious, sensed something amiss.

“Yuer?”

There was a trace of sadness hidden in the girl’s eyes.

“Heh~ Sir, is that concern for me?”

“Don’t worry, Sir. I’m fine. It’s just that I might leave for Chao Ge tomorrow. After I’m gone, you won’t be able to be so careless anymore~”

Her moist eyes held reluctance, but she quickly looked away, no longer meeting Xu Ping’an’s gaze.

Turning, she called Xiao Jing.

“Xiao Jing, since Sir was out doing the free clinic today, don’t let him cook. Aren’t there still some stewed meat left? Warm it up for him, and boil a pot of Wumei Brew.”

“Yes, Miss.”

Xu Ping’an said nothing, quietly watching Li Yuer’s retreating figure.

She stepped lightly to the West Chamber’s door, one hand resting on the doorframe.

She turned her face slightly, her eyes carrying a subtle, almost imperceptible loneliness.

“Sir, if I don’t return within three months, it means I won’t be coming back. After that, you don’t need to worry about me anymore. Thank you for taking care of me these past few weeks; I am truly grateful. It’s late—I’ll go rest now. You should get some sleep too…”

With that, Li Yuer disappeared behind the door.

Watching this, Xu Ping’an remained dazed for a long while until Xiao Jing’s voice brought him back.

“Sir, the stewed meat is ready. Eat it while it’s hot. Miss and I have already eaten.”

“Ah… alright.”

Xu Ping’an nodded, though he wasn’t sure what feelings churned inside him as he sat alone at the empty dining table.

“Where’s Zhao?”

“I’ve already sent it to Uncle Hu and Zhou Liang’s place, Sir. No need to worry.”

“Mm.”

Xu Ping’an nodded again. Xiao Jing glanced at him, as if wanting to say something, then hesitated and instead gave a slight bow before returning to the West Chamber.

Leaving him alone.

At this moment, the large main hall felt emptier than ever.

For the past eight years, this was almost how Xu Ping’an had always lived.

There had never been anything wrong with it.

But now, looking around… Pei Qingxuan, Li Yuer, Liu Yingying, Liu Ning, and the two maids, Li Jing and Xiao Jing, were all absent from the table.

Everything seemed as it once was, yet so much was missing.

Picking up his chopsticks, he took a bite of the steaming stewed meat, but even the familiar taste seemed to lack depth.

Xu Ping’an quietly finished his meal, washed the dishes, and returned to his room.

Sitting alone at his desk, his mind was in turmoil.

As if sensing something, he looked up at the beams and gave a self-mocking smile.

“Heh~ Xu Ping’an, no matter how good your medical skills are, you’re still just a mortal.”

Pausing slightly, it seemed he had made a decision.

He picked up a brush and wrote four strokes on a sheet of rice paper.

Looking at the character 心 (heart), Xu Ping’an nodded in satisfaction.

It was time to visit the graves.

If he didn’t go soon, the grass would grow waist-high; Uncle Hu definitely wouldn’t like that.

If he ended up sending me a dream again, then that would be on me.

The night passed quietly, and at dawn the next day,

before the sun rose, four figures were already preparing to leave the fenced courtyard.

Li Yuer stood in the yard, gazing long at the window of the Eastern Wing Room, silent.

“Miss, are you really not going to say goodbye to Sir?”

“No need… Since he doesn’t want to be involved in troubles, it’s better not to bring him more.”