Before the ice Song Hyunsoo had made for the On the Rocks drink even had a chance to melt, Yoon Jooho snatched up his glass and drained half of it in one gulp.
He sucked harshly on the cigarette filter until his cheek went taut, then muttered as if spitting the words out, “I can’t let my sex partner live a pitiful life.”
“What… did you just say?”
“Say that again?”
“Am I your senior’s mistress? Your side lover?”
“I don’t remember ever saying that.”
“You really are world-class at driving people crazy sometimes.”
“You said you’d have to move somewhere worse than where you’re staying now. Why are you being so stubborn? Is it your pride?”
Song Hyunsoo stamped his foot while still seated.
“You don’t even know why I’m upset right now, do you?”
“For not consulting beforehand? Because I’m an insensitive, selfish bastard who can’t even consider other people’s feelings?”
“……”
Looking into Yoon Jooho’s eyes, which seemed to flicker with blue flames, he understood.
The words he rattled off were the same accusations he’d repeatedly heard from everyone he had ever dated.
But to be the one to sense and embrace his wounds first— because he loved him— Song Hyunsoo’s own wounds, pierced and bleeding, were still raw. I can’t let my sex partner live a pitiful life. Like some kind of second choice…
His vision blurred instantly. Clenching his fists tightly on the bar table, he glared at Yoon Jooho.
“Is that really the best you can do?”
“I don’t understand either. Do you think me offering to pay the rent is because I look down on you?”
“I know. I know, but… just because that’s not the intention doesn’t mean it’s okay to do whatever you want and say whatever you want!”
“Enough, enough. Both of you, stop.”
Seo Hae, who had been pretending not to hear or see, had no choice but to intervene. He slammed a heavy bottle on the counter two or three times, then pointed firmly toward the door.
“Yoon Jooho. Go outside and have a smoke.”
“Why? This isn’t even a no-smoking place.”
“Cool your head.”
“……”
“Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
Then Seo Hae pulled a baseball cap out from under the counter and tossed it to him.
Yoon Jooho frowned, exasperated, and irritably stubbed out his cigarette. He grabbed the cap and his cigarette pack and stood up.
Watching his back, Song Hyunsoo shook his head violently the moment Yoon Jooho opened the door and stepped outside.
“Do you understand why he’s like that, hyung?”
“Hmm… I think I do.”
“Excuse me?”
“When you think a younger guy you care about is going through a hard time, you can’t sleep.”
Song Hyunsoo, who had been sure Seo Hae would take his side, felt deflated. Seeing that face, Seo Hae sighed and corrected what he had just said.
“In a situation like this, I won’t pretend not to know anymore, Hyunsoo.”
“……”
“When you think someone you like is uncomfortable, you can’t sleep. And you’re already a bad sleeper.”
Lowering his head to avoid eye contact, Song Hyunsoo muttered stubbornly.
“He’s not someone I like.”
At least, he hadn’t admitted to liking him yet. He added,
“You heard what he said earlier, about being a sex partner or whatever. Every time he says stuff like that, I really want to sew his mouth shut.”
“I thought you already knew, even without words. Yoon Jooho’s feelings.”
This time, Song Hyunsoo bowed his head deeply.
“Sometimes I feel like I understand, but other times… I don’t.”
At times, Yoon Jooho’s feelings were as clear and tangible as if he could see and hold them. But the moments they didn’t align never disappeared.
Whether because of differences in upbringing, wealth, or popularity, there was definitely something mismatched between them.
“Sometimes it feels like he’s speaking a different language from me, even when I’m crazy about him.”
Just as he was about to say “crazy about him,” Song Hyunsoo glanced at Seo Hae and changed his words.
Seo Hae looked at Song Hyunsoo quietly and set down the On the Rocks.
“Here, Hyunsoo, have some of this. If you want to smoke, smoke. Want mine?”
“No, I brought my own.”
He rummaged through the padding bag he’d left on the stool beside him and pulled out a cigarette.
A padded jacket worth millions of won, bag, cap, gloves, scarf… this much should be okay, right? Because it was Yoon Jooho’s heart.
The things he had accepted kept growing like that. Up to this point, they were gifts, but what came next?
Song Hyunsoo also knew roughly the going rates for the officetels they had looked at today.
Depending on the deposit ratio, they were places where you’d lose millions every month even after putting down one to three hundred million won.
A few years ago, Song Hyunsoo might have been thrilled to accept Jooho’s proposal. Success to him then was nothing but what appeared on the surface, no matter the means.
Regardless of the truth, if it looked good to others, that was success.
But not anymore.
Instead of hopping from one drinking session to another to build connections for roles, he now focused on honing his acting skills.
People leave and change, but the skills he had polished himself would never go anywhere. That was much more reassuring.
The role of Lee San in Dissolve was a prize he had earned with his own hands. He now knew firsthand that fruit harvested directly was sweeter than any fruit received as a gift.
He didn’t know for sure, but he thought love might be like that too.
That was why he hated it. Because he loved.
At the luxurious mansion where Yoon Jooho paid the rent, wearing clothes from the wardrobe Jooho filled, sleeping together when Jooho wanted sex — was that really what love was? Then what? Would Jooho buy him a car next or take him on trips? That wasn’t really love, was it?
“Sometimes he really does seem like a prince.”
“…What?”
Lost in thought over his whiskey, Song Hyunsoo looked up at Seo Hae’s voice.
“It’s not about looks or elegance. Sometimes Yoon Jooho can’t understand the common sense that normal people live by.”
“Ah…”
“Most of the time, you just think he’s a funny guy, but every now and then he says some really strange things.”
“Right? You think so too, hyung?”
“Everyone around Yoon Jooho probably thinks so.”
Seo Hae made another On the Rocks for himself and continued.
“He’s never lived an ordinary life, where not everyone knows who he is, is fascinated by him, and wants him. His environment was just too unique.”
A star since he was three.
Listening to Seo Hae, Yoon Jooho’s life seemed no different from that of a real prince, a prince (태자마마).
Parents he’d never seen, powerless grandparents much older than other kids’ parents, birthday tables with only a single fried chicken.
For Song Hyunsoo, who’d lived in a completely different and not-so-ordinary way, it was a hard world to imagine.
“Even if he says things like that, I know he’s trying in his own way, hyung.”
Tapping the cigarette filter in his hand with his thumb, Song Hyunsoo rubbed his face as if trying to crush it.
“But knowing that and accepting it are different things. So why…”
“Yeah, yeah. Nobody’s gonna blame you, Hyunsoo. Even Yoon Jooho probably knows it’s his fault.”
“Even if he was always like that to everyone else he dated, I don’t like those kinds of sponsor-like relationships.”
“Hmm… I think you’re misunderstanding a bit.”
Still sucking deeply on his filter, Song Hyunsoo looked up at Seo Hae.
“Whether the other person lives in a luxury villa or a rooftop room, the fact that Yoon Jooho cares about that? It’s the first time I’ve seen it.”
“……”
Song Hyunsoo lost his words for a moment. He never imagined that Yoon Jooho would do something he had never done for anyone else, for him. He had just thought this was how Yoon Jooho dated — even if he hadn’t called it dating.
Without realizing it, he looked toward the exit, the direction Yoon Jooho had disappeared. He didn’t even notice the cigarette burning in his hand.
“Go out.”
As if reading Song Hyunsoo’s mind, Seo Hae said so. Snuffing out his cigarette, Song Hyunsoo awkwardly rubbed his palm against his pants pocket and hesitantly stood up.
Sliding his arms into his padded jacket, he climbed the narrow stairs and pushed open the glass door to step outside. His figure disappeared.
As Song Hyunsoo circled around to the side of the building where two or three cars could park, Yoon Jooho was standing there, avoiding the eyes of the people around.
Just as Jooho was about to light a new cigarette, Song Hyunsoo spoke brusquely.
“Why the chain smoking?”
“……”
Yoon Jooho lowered his cap deeply, glanced at him from under the brim, and shielded the cigarette with his left hand as he lit it.
“Why did you come out?”
“I got kicked out too, by Seo Hae hyung.”
He shrugged and came up to stand beside him.
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