Chapter 2 : With my mind-reading skills, you little bugs

“…?”

Soon, a question mark appeared on my face as I identified the intruder.

The other party wasn’t an adventurer’s party.

They weren’t adventurers, they weren’t part of a party, and they weren’t even human.

“What is this?”

A sleek body with thick fur.

Pointed ears and a long snout.

“This beast is a wolf… very vicious, too…!”

I knew that much.

What I meant was, why is the Demon Lord’s army hiding from such a creature?

“I have a question. What are those green ones doing back there?”

I pointed at three goblins trembling behind a rock, far from the Demon Lord.

“Green..? Ah, you mean the goblins? The goblins are valuable warriors of our Demon Lord’s army.”

I doubted my ears. Those goblin trio, who couldn’t even handle a wolf, were warriors?

“Do you seriously give them a salary?”

“Yes, of course. I give them 10 gold every month. They even asked for a raise, and I’m considering it… Ah! The wolf is retreating!”

Rupia wiped the sweat from her brow as she stepped out from behind the rock.

“Phew, that was close! I’m glad we made it through safely.”

“…Wouldn’t it have been okay to fight if there were warriors?”

Rupia shook her head as if that was nonsense.

“Our goblin soldiers can’t handle wolves. Maybe a general could, but….”

I almost asked her if she really paid 10 gold a month to those worthless creatures but decided against it.

“Ah? Now that I think about it…?”

Had she realized something just now?

I waited for her next words.

“Today, we had the general with us! I should have asked the general to deal with the wolf…!”

“…”

“If we had skinned the wolf and sold the pelt in the market, we would’ve gotten at least 10 gold. What a waste…”

Rupia looked genuinely disappointed, almost on the verge of crying.

I knew a much easier way to earn 10 gold. Wait, was it 30 gold?

“Let’s assume the three goblins are considered warriors, but what about the golem? What role does it serve?”

“The golem is the core of our Demon Lord’s army.”

Rupia affectionately patted the golem.

She must have patted it a little too much, as that part of its stone surface was unusually smooth.

“Crrrk. Crrrk…”

The golem made a grinding noise like it was answering and just stood there blankly.

“It handles multiple important tasks: chef, dungeon cleaning, dungeon repairs, inventory management, and more.”

That sounded like a jack-of-all-trades.

Listening to that, I could vaguely guess how the dungeon had been running until now.

Sighing, I spoke.

“I have something to say, my lord.”

“W-What is it…?”

Rupia, noticing my sigh, nervously twitched her fingers.

She seemed worried that I might ask to break our master-servant bond.

“As someone who has served in the military, I must say I’ve never seen an army like this Tang Dynasty army.”

“Tang Dynasty…?”

“I’m saying this Demon Lord’s army is garbage.”

“Eh.”

Rupia looked shocked, her mouth opening slightly as she gasped like a fish.

Of course, I didn’t plan on just venting insults.

It was my job as the general to make these garbage soldiers useful.

“You said your goal is to rebuild the dungeon, right?”

Rupia nodded timidly.

“I’ll start with personnel management. It’s about time for work anyway.”

I chose an empty room in the cave to set up a training area.

Since the three goblins weren’t doing much, I decided to start with basic training.

I carved a wooden sword to use as a training tool.

“Take one each.”

“Keruk…”

The goblins sluggishly picked up the wooden swords.

Their attitude showed not even the slightest bit of enthusiasm.

“Listen, based on my inspection… I mean, from what I can see in your status window, your stats are filled with garbage.”

Whether they believed me or not, I explained that I could check their stats through the status window.

“Your basic stats are so low that training in combat skills is pointless right now. For now, focus on building strength and stamina.”

I demonstrated a simple sword swing while showing the basic posture.

“Grip it like this and swing it. Try it out.”

“Kehek, tsk.”

The goblins were lazily swinging their swords while yawning.

Two of them were messing around, and one swung the sword a few times before tossing it aside.

I immediately stopped the training and called the most unmotivated one forward.

“Third green one, come here.”

“Keruk?”

The goblin sluggishly approached, looking at me with a confused expression.

I raised the wooden sword and spoke.

“Get down.”

“Keek?”

The goblin froze with a puzzled look on its face, then made some strange hand gestures, I couldn’t even tell if it was an insult.

I kicked its shin.

Thud!

“Keek!!!??”

It screamed and fell to the ground, clutching its leg.

The others behind it looked on in shock.

I had made my decision. This one would be the example.

“Taking 10 gold for doing nothing, yet can’t even be worth 1 gold. The rest of you will have to make up for it with your bodies.”

I rolled a towel around the wooden sword and began striking it without missing any part of its body.

Thwack! Thwack!

The awful sounds echoed through the dungeon.

The other goblins had already started swinging their wooden swords with all their might.

“Only by beating them like beasts will they listen.”

The sounds of flesh tearing stopped once the goblin’s vitality reached its limit.

I guess I’m getting older; it’s hard to strike properly with bones getting in the way.

“Later, I’ll check your status window. Whoever still has the same strength stats, better be ready.”

With the screams and shouts still echoing in the training room, I headed for the kitchen.

It was almost lunchtime.

“Crrk…!”

The golem, who was in charge of the kitchen, slowly raised its moss-covered arm and saluted.

Though it was slow, at least it had some manners, so it was better than the goblins from earlier.

“Stop it. If you salute twice, the kitchen might catch fire.”

I glanced at the soup it was making.

The color was murky, and I couldn’t even guess what it was supposed to be, so I stirred it.

“What’s this? Are you boiling some barley powder? What are these green things? Is it seaweed soup?”

“Crrk… crrr…”

Apparently, it was a soup, and the green bits were plant debris and stone dust that had fallen from its body while cooking.

“Unbelievable. Get out of the kitchen.”

“Crr…”

“Salute once and get out quickly!”

The golem lowered its half-raised arm, looking sulky, and slowly left the room.

I immediately pushed the pot aside.

“I almost had to eat this for lunch.”

The rationed meals from the training facility were probably better than this mess.

I dug through the freezer with the ice artifact, pulling out whatever usable ingredients I could find.

Frozen and Rotten Deer Meat

Effect: Fullness +1, Food Poisoning +10

‘How does frozen meat even rot?’

Thinking about it, the goblins who couldn’t even catch a wolf probably didn’t hunt this down. I could imagine them stumbling upon a deer carcass and not being able to toss it away, so they brought it back instead.

‘First, let’s defrost it.’

I set the oven with the Fire Artifact to the defrosting function and placed the deer meat inside.

Rotten Deer Meat
Effect: Texture +1, Fullness +1, Food Poisoning +10

The morale of the army is closely tied to their meals. A good, filling meal will give them the strength to rise again, even if they’re beaten like dogs.

‘As much as it pains me, I’ll need to use a potion.’

I opened a lower-grade potion I found in the storage and poured it over the deer meat. The dark, clotted stains bubbled slightly before quickly regenerating into fresh tissue.

Raw Deer Meat
Effect: Fullness +1, Food Poisoning +1

The food poisoning effect had drastically decreased.

These ingredients would be A-rank if just cooked.

Shiiiiiing!

Cooked Deer Meat
Effect: Fullness +5, Health +1

The fullness had increased noticeably, and most importantly, there was an additional effect of health recovery.

“Eat up, my lord. You too, goblins.”

The goblins, who had caught the scent of the deer steak, came running, drooling.

Even the goblin I had beaten earlier was crawling toward me, limping with wide eyes.

“Here, General! What is this!?”

Rupia’s eyes grew wide in surprise.

Had she never had steak before?

“Hold it with a fork, and cut it with a knife. Like this.”

Huff!

Once I showed Rupia, all the goblins behind her stared at me in unison.

“What are you looking at? You can eat with your hands.”

Keruk…

I gave the rib bones to the golem.

Its status window indicated a preference for hard foods, so it would likely enjoy the bones more than the meat.

“You… so good! Tasty! Uhh…!”

Rupia, tears welling up in her eyes, chewed on the meat, filling her cheeks.

It was just normally cooked meat, but I could imagine the kind of meals she had been eating until now.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

The golem, in front of the rib bones, remained silent.

It just stared at me.

Crack…

“Don’t worry about it. Eat. It’s an order.”

There wasn’t enough meat for everyone, so the portions were small.

My meal was the soup the golem had made earlier.

I couldn’t throw it away, so I had to eat it.

“Thanks for cooking all this time. I can see you like hard foods, but you still made soup. Very considerate.”

It wasn’t that the golem didn’t deserve to be in the kitchen; it was just that its cooking skills weren’t up to par.

It could never be a head chef.

Crunch, crunch.

Finally, the golem started eating.

I scooped some soup and brought it to my mouth.

The stone dust and plant bits scraped down my throat.

‘Shit.’

That’s exactly what it tasted like.